37 weeks isn't premature. Is it?

[37weeksisntearly]

I need a massive grip handing to me.

A friend has recently has a baby, induced at 37 weeks. Small but perfect and needed no scbu care. Because baby is so small, everyone thinks they are premature and are not being corrected.

I had a 36 and 5 days baby, who was too small for the regular charts. I had to fight for their 'prematurity' to be recognised because so that it wasn't a problem with all the bloody charts and growth milestones - they were so close to 37 weeks, medical staff didn't bother - why have the bloody cut off at 37 weeks then, you may as well say premature is anything before 40 weeks, or 24 weeks given the consideration it was given in my case. Mine had scbu care which, although mild being just blood sugars and feeding, was still very stressful at the time. And we still have issues now which are only just being suggested as to do with birth size and 'prematurity'.

Anyway, I just need a grip handing to me because I don't want to lose my temper with a first time mum.

Amazed by all the hand wringing over dates. Had mine at 37wks, elective c-section. He was 3.5kg, but spent 2 days in special care bc breathing issues. He had a bit of a premmie look about him. I wasn't at all anxious about him being away from me, in fact saw it as an opportunity to get some rest, and hoped fervently they'd give him a bottle so I could bypass breastfeeding (they wouldn't).
Never occurred to me to worry whether or not he was referred to as term or premmie, why would it? I find your issue bizarre. Are you jealous about many things?

OP I'm going to give you that grip very gently. You need to talk to someone. Having a baby in SCBU is traumatic no matter what their age. I'm wondering if you feel you can't express your feelings because there are people with "really" prem babies who had a worse time than you.

My baby was born at 35+6 with IUGR and not breathing. She weighed 4lb. She has mild cerebral palsy. Her development was like that of a much more prem baby; she didn't walk until she was nearly 2. She's a young adult now, perfectly healthy apart from a couple of minor cp related issues. It's much easier to say she was prem than to give people the whole story; they get it, and their eyes don't glaze over.

i wonder whether what you are really missing is the attention. having a new baby, and a SPECIAL one at that. either way you definitely need a grip.

@37weeksisntearly The idea of missing out on "firsts" seems to be particularly upsetting for you.

Many thousands of mothers of 40 week babies miss out on "firsts" like nappies, first clothes, feed etc. because mother is ill, having a c-section, exhausted, baby isn't well. I say "miss out" but lots of mums are just happy to have some help. The midwife put the first nappy on my DC. Husband did the first clothes and bath because I thought it would be nice for him to bond and feel involved. Firsts are only a big deal if you build it up in your mind. And some parents don't get any firsts or to take their babies home.

You weren't in control of those first two weeks and you can't get them back. It's such a tiny part of your child's life, don't let it overshadow the rest of it or steal your joy. You can reprogramme your thinking about this and feel better.

your grip is your annoyed at what you call a friend is not correcting people that assume her child is small they are premature and this somehow relates to your child and the staff not recognising your baby being premature and somehow that matters?
and of course its impossible to know the exact date of conception anyway.

But there’s a fair few posters saying “it’s not a competition ” then going on to tell their iron stories of how prem their babies were and his brilliantly they coped/didn’t care about days etc. Slightly hypocritical in the sense that they are competing with op to show his they had the same or worse than her, and they coped fine mentally.

The dates mean a lot to op, they don’t tp some. I had a 38 hr Labour, lots of interventions amd dc was born by emcs, I’ve read similar situations where the poster has ptsd from their “awful birthing experience” because they didn’t get the midwife led unit, birthing pool and whale music they envisioned. I’d never post on there and tell them to grow up virtually because I had the same and I dealt just fine with it mentally.

The 37w cutoff date definitely doesn't make any sense for using the weight/height charts. It's like, my two who were 36+5, they're officially premature, so you use the corrected age, but a baby who was born 2 days later, suddenly that's fine to be comparing them with full term babies who might be like up to a month bigger than them?

I remember exactly how off the growth charts are because we had one (witch of a) HV who in the early days, whenever we went to weigh in would plot the kids on the full term chart in the red book (sometimes she would mix up their books as well but that's another story) and then lecture me about them lagging in the low centiles. I went and replotted everything in the premature chart using gestational age and showed it to her and she reluctantly laid off of giving me grief. But two days older and the guidance would have been to use the full term chart. Having said that, I'm pretty sure that there's no official guidance that says you need to worry/lecture new parents when their kids are a bit low in the growth charts ("ooh, you'll have to keep an eye on that." Yeah and then what? Worry a bit harder? At the12 week checkup I asked the GP what they would do if a kid consistently stayed under the 9th centile and she was like "check they're feeding OK and that they look lively enough." And then what? "nothing, really. Some people are just built like that" - and so it has proven, DD2 is just a skinny kid. By the time she hit the 15kg lower limit for a group 2 car seat, her legs were dangling out of the group 1 like a bloody spider plant...)

Why does it matter to you? Get a grip.

What difference does it make to you?
You say you fought to have your daughter recognised as premature at 36 weeks 5 days but then are annoyed at your friend not correcting people just a few days later in gestation.

My baby was born three weeks early and has Dyspraxia, Dyslexia and other issues which may or may not be related to her early birth.
She was also very jaundiced.

She was 7 pounds 3 so definitely not tiny!

I can't see why you care so much OP. Why on earth would people need 'correcting' if they assume the baby was premature.
I had a 4lb baby at 37 weeks and none of this nonsense ever crossed my mind.

OP I am sorry but you sound like an awful friend You had a bad experience and you are upset that she didn't? You seem obsessed that two days made a difference but that is irrelevant - many babies of 34 weeks don't go to SCBU, it just depends on how the baby is doing. Babies of 40 weeks can end up going there. Yours needed extra support and they got it - you should be happy they got the support they needed, not angry and bitter Mine was in for a similar time frame for the same reason as yours, and I feel nothing but gratitude to the staff and am really upset to hear of friends babies ending up there as I know how stressful it is.

I really think you should do this friend a favour and leave her to enjoy her baby.

My DD was born at 36+6 over 6lb perfectly healthy. I never viewed her as premature and only one person corrected her weight once others didn’t bother and I didn’t see it as an issue.