37 weeks isn't premature. Is it?

[37weeksisntearly]

I need a massive grip handing to me.

A friend has recently has a baby, induced at 37 weeks. Small but perfect and needed no scbu care. Because baby is so small, everyone thinks they are premature and are not being corrected.

I had a 36 and 5 days baby, who was too small for the regular charts. I had to fight for their 'prematurity' to be recognised because so that it wasn't a problem with all the bloody charts and growth milestones - they were so close to 37 weeks, medical staff didn't bother - why have the bloody cut off at 37 weeks then, you may as well say premature is anything before 40 weeks, or 24 weeks given the consideration it was given in my case. Mine had scbu care which, although mild being just blood sugars and feeding, was still very stressful at the time. And we still have issues now which are only just being suggested as to do with birth size and 'prematurity'.

Anyway, I just need a grip handing to me because I don't want to lose my temper with a first time mum.

my son was born 40 odd years ago at 36 weeks weighing less than 5 lbs. He was considered premature (what differance does it really make) He was treated via blood exchange for blood incompatability (ABO) and had jaundice so I had to leave hospital without him. Other than that he needed no SCBU. Although maybe nowadays he would.

Her baby isn't premature that's the reason lots of inductions and C-sections happen at 37 weeks

However, I wouldn't get too het up that she isn't correcting people when they say her baby is prem. If she was induced at 37 weeks, it was because there was a problem of some sort and that is very stressful in itself.

I was induced and the baby arrived at exactly 37 weeks. I was very ill indeed and was a bit traumatised by the whole thing and needed support.

Ugh, you can see some of the judgement in this thread.

At 35+1 my smaller twin was smaller than some babies I met in nicu born at 30 weeks. Some of them spent a lot less time in nicu too, and were long gone before we were even talking about taking him home. This sort of judgement is why the OP feels distressed.

My baby was a massive “preemie” and was still very poorly. You can’t work out how well they are purely based on size.

TheCatsPaws that must have been so hard - to you. Is your baby okay now?

My boys are now 17 months - the smaller one has an ongoing illness and is struggling a bit at the moment but he just took his first steps yesterday :)

Exactly - gestation and size aren’t the main factors at all. Many of the babies with the same condition as my son are born very large but have a lifelong disability and serious issues every day.

Tammy

Yes he’s doing well. He’s 2.5 now and just starting to talk. He has allergies and was sickly for the first year but he is such a happy boy.

Glad to hear your smaller boy is walking

37 weeks isn't premature, no. But even at 37 weeks, they can have the complications described in your 36 weeker. My first came at 37+5 and was very sleepy, no sucking reflex, really struggled to feed (both bf and from a bottle) until she was 5 months. I was just barely able to get her up to birth weight before the 28 day pp cut off for being classified as failure to thrive. I know some people who have had babies at 36 weeks and they've had no issues at all. But then some people like me have a 37 weeker and they do have issues. My dd is healthy and robust now (she's 5), but she's always been small, even though my dh and I are quite tall as is everyone in our family. I do suspect it's because of these early weeks.

That said, like everyone at the time was asking me is she had been premature, because she was so small and had all these issues and they knew we had struggled. Like old ladies in shops would come make a fuss about how she 'must have been born too early!' etc. It was annoying to correct people all the time. There were definitely times when I didn't just trying to get out of there and have people stop commenting on my baby! I suspect it's possible your friend feels the same way. As you know it's hard, now is a good time to offer her some support.

You cant help the way you feel.
You feel hurt that you and your baby went through so much and you feel that it is being minimised due to a healthy baby being given the same label.
You need to work through your own trauma. I understand why you would feel this way.

Wrt her acknowledging how had it is to have a baby in SCBU, I think that unless it's happened to you, you have no clue.

HeartofSass has good advice for you. It is tricky as speaking from the perspective of having a 3 month early baby, who was in intensive care for many months and required lots of life saving surgery, I always see that most babies born 36+ as being ready for the world. That doesn't mean that some babies won't need additional care and I don't doubt that your experience was very difficult. Try not to compare or focus on your friend. Find a way of talking through your experience and enjoy having your lovely baby at home.

My DD was born at 33 weeks and 4 days weighed 7lbs 4 ozs and needed no help so wasn’t counted as premature.

You sound like you want a badge.

Dusty that’s really uncalled for, OP is clearly upset about what happened to her baby and feels like she needs someone to acknowledge what she went through. Don’t be a dick.

My boy was born at 24 weeks. He was in NICU for 120 days. I don't want to start waving the "woe is us" flag, but his prematurity will never go away as it will permanently affect his whole life. He is 12 now and attends a specialist residential school. He's fabulous but be finds life bloody hard work, and tbh so do we all as a family.

I have a good friend who I met through Bliss (which is for both premature and sick newborns - one doesn't have to equate with the other) whose son was born on his due date. Due to catastrophic errors made during my friend's labour and his birth, he was born very severely disabled. He died shortly before his 9th birthday.

You don't have to be premature to need a bit of extra help. But I - perhaps controversially - regard prematurity as being "pre-mature" - so less about dates but about the baby's ability to breathe, feed etc without help.

OP I hope you're getting the support you need. x

DS2 was born at 37weeks. He was 8lbs and 2ft long. I’m bloody glad he didn’t wait any longer tbh.

I think it bonkers to use the dates. People in the business know from the look of a baby whether its fully baked or still developing. Babies born after 37w can still be struggling while many born at 34 or 35 are already there.

People have different menstrual cycles and different gestational cycles.

So if the doctors/midwives are saying 'this baby is premature' then it probably is.

Pregnancy and birth can all feel a bit out of our control OP. You have to put a lot of trust in other people. You can see from the thread that the number of weeks and days that a baby is born isn’t a guarantee that they will not need some help.
It does sound like it’s all been quite traumatic for you and I think you should speak to someone about it.
Hopefully just acknowledging you are a bit jealous that your friends baby managed to avoid any problems will help you try to move on from it and hopefully enjoy having someone that you can share New motherhood with .

Dusty strictly speaking surely your baby was premature - just very lucky to be healthy and without issues.

Yes, but the Consultant wrote premature by dates only.

OP, mind your own bloody business.

My son was a week early and he was in hospital with a myriad of problems. One of my friends had her daughter six weeks early and he was fine; another was five weeks early and had to stay in NOCU. Another friend went to term and her baby passed away.

It’s nothing to do with you. Enjoy your baby and stick your neb out of other people’s business. If your friend wants to call her baby premature; she can. It is absolutely nothing to do with you.

I don’t understand why women are so judgemental of each other!

I think you need to get a massive grip.

Both of mine were born at 36 weeks exactly and neither have ever been described as premature by anyone (not the hospital, not the midwives, not the health visitors, not our doctor) Both perfectly formed 6lb'ers, so small, but not too small.

So to me your baby wouldn't have been described as premature either, if born in the same hospital as mine!

It sounds to me like you like the attention having a premature baby brings - which is somewhat insulting to genuinely premature babies born at 32 weeks and weighing 2lbs.

OP it sounds like you would benefit from support in real life?
I am sure it wasn’t your intention, but I think you post will have stirred emotions in so many parents who are in a far worse situation than you.

As I type this, I am thinking about my son’s sibling, born at 30 weeks addicted to drugs, suffering a brain bleed and struggling to breathe. Unlike the other babies in SCBU, this baby had no one to sit lovingly at the cot side and rush out to buy special clothes. Apart from the very occasional visit from birth parents, social workers and a series of foster carers are the only ones to have been there and none of them would have been fussed about missing the first nappy.

What really hurts is that, thanks to the over stretched system, it will be months and months before this child will be finally able to join its birth brother and be adopted into our family who will love them, forever, whatever.

OP, enjoy all that you do have rather than focus on what you might not have.

I get you OP.

My twins were born at 36 weeks but needed no special care. Friend had a baby born at 38 who did. She tells people it’s because she was premature.

It irritates because it’s not right. I don’t say it and I never would because I do recognise that this isn’t important in the grand scheme of things, but it doesn’t stop it from being irritating!

I had a due date +14, thought he’d come out shaving. Took him ages to hit some milestones because he’s a slothful git and also bloody minded

it's not a competition her care does not affect yours and vice versa. don't you have anything better to do.