37 weeks isn't premature. Is it?

[37weeksisntearly]

I need a massive grip handing to me.

A friend has recently has a baby, induced at 37 weeks. Small but perfect and needed no scbu care. Because baby is so small, everyone thinks they are premature and are not being corrected.

I had a 36 and 5 days baby, who was too small for the regular charts. I had to fight for their 'prematurity' to be recognised because so that it wasn't a problem with all the bloody charts and growth milestones - they were so close to 37 weeks, medical staff didn't bother - why have the bloody cut off at 37 weeks then, you may as well say premature is anything before 40 weeks, or 24 weeks given the consideration it was given in my case. Mine had scbu care which, although mild being just blood sugars and feeding, was still very stressful at the time. And we still have issues now which are only just being suggested as to do with birth size and 'prematurity'.

Anyway, I just need a grip handing to me because I don't want to lose my temper with a first time mum.

37 weeks is term, 40 weeks is full term.

Babies can be smaller than average, term or not, but I reckon you should pack your "status" away because its fucking offending me with my 27 weeker and no doubt other people who have children with serious issues due to prematurity like CP, chronic lung disease, tube feeding , brain haemorrages and other disabilities disabilities., spending months, HUNDREDS of days, not just days or the odd week or two, travelling to and from SCBU/NICU, money tight as fuck.

Get over your "people should feel sorry for me, not her" stance. This is your grip.

I dont think you sound mean OP, i think you are doing exactly what you say you are - having an anomynous rant to strangers so you arent mean and dont say something you will regret to your friend. I think thats good because it shows you do acctually care for your friends well being and do understand its hard being a first time mum.

That said, i think a lot of your anger is stemming from your own problems after the birth of your child. Have you looked into councelling?

Is your baby doing well and healthy now OP? Really that's all that matters. (And hopefully your friend's baby is too!) I know it is hard missing out on the 'firsts' that you expected to have, and of course absolutely godawful having to go home leaving them in hospital but over time these things will recede.

My baby was a 27 weeker and he didn't come home for 6 months! He still has a lot of ongoing problems (oxygen, tube fed etc), which we hope will ease as he grows bigger. We met lots of early babies in NICU... most are doing a lot better than my son (even the 24 weekers!) and several are facing challenges worse than his. Still in touch with lots of the parents and we just try to be supportive of each other, acknowledging that each baby is going to go at his own pace. One of the sickest was actually a term baby. I am full of awe for his mum.

It's good that you're venting online rather than at your friend, but seriously, for your own health, try to let it go!

*Bearing in mind that dating a pregnancy isn't an exact science, and is based on a 28 days menstrual cycle that no fucker has IME..

you realise your baby could actually have been "older" than hers right?*

Yup....spot on

I’m sorry you feel like this, OP. Have you considered having some counselling or using the after birth service most hospitals offer so you can talk through your feelings? It sounds like you haven’t yet come to terms with your start to motherhood.
People can say some insensitive things about baby size and prematurity, generally through ignorance and wanting to say the right thing. It can be really upsetting but it doesn’t last forever, and you’ll be feel better able to brush these comments off as you get emotionally stronger yourself.

Valentinesfart agree. You only have to read this thread to see how differently everyone’s preterm babies have faired. There’s no way of knowing if you child would have had those problems anyway, or their true exact gestation. It’s a good guess. My ‘preterm’ baby had an Apgar of 10 and hit major milestones (crawling, walking, talking) before most of her full term peers. I wouldn’t dream of thinking of her as premie now. I’m not saying that to boast, just highlighting how every baby is different and a slightly early gestation doesn’t condem them to a life of being compared to their peers as behind. Equally a baby born at full term can still be low birth weight and have problems that require hospital stay. It’s silly trying to make it a competition in days of whose baby was more preterm.

I'm not really understanding the issue. This woman hasn't done anything wrong apart from not correcting people who are saying her baby was premature. You should be absolutely ecstatic for her that everything was fine and she got to take her baby home, given you know how it feels to not be able to do that. Yes it's a bit shitty if she wasnt very supportive for you when you had your baby but that doesn't mean you need to do the same to her. For what it's worth, my boy was 12 days late and weighed a very healthy 10lb 6oz but still spent 3 weeks in neonatal care with breathing issues. He was so out of place compared to the tiny prem babies but I never felt he had any less right to be there. Be glad her baby is okay and deal with your own issues separately. Have you ever discussed with anyone how you felt regarding the birth and afterwards?

Aw, OP. I am so sorry that you had your baby early and that you had to see your baby receiving treatment in SCBU. It is really distressing when you had hoped for a wonderful, happy newborn experience and the reality is something different and frightening. It is perfectly natural to feel angry and jealous when medical staff are dismissive of your concerns and other people seemingly effortlessly have healthy babies that get to come straight home.

The World Health Organisation defines a preterm birth as one before 37 weeks and your little one would have been in the category of moderate to late preterm according to their fact sheet here www.who.int/mediacentre/factsheets/fs363/en/

Prematurity is a spectrum and, whilst I did have to laugh at IceBear's comment about the reading books, a premature birth can have real and ongoing complications. My DD was born at 23 weeks and has ongoing developmental issues as a result and her twin sister died as a result of her premature birth. But there really isn't a nice neat line between gestation or weight and the health outcomes that result. Some of it is just a waiting game and children can have health issues or learning disabilities as a result of a whole host of other things too.

Please try not to resent your friend but be kind to yourself, you have been through a horrible and stressful time and it will all be very raw when it has all happened so recently.

I had a baby at 36+4 (medical staff moved my dates so thought he was 38+4 - I told them he wasn’t). He needed NICU.

All babies are different, some are born early and fine, others need support.

My baby was born at 37 weeks and has never been classed as premature. She was only 5lb4oz and had to be resuscitated. She also had jaundice, low blood sugars and difficulty feeding but we narrowly avoided being admitted to the neonatal unit.

She's a lot slower with her milestones than DD1 and I've asked a couple of times if this is down to her being born earlier but been told no. I was also told she would always be smaller than babies her age however she's gone from the 0.5th to 75th percentile!

I always think to myself how grateful I am to have made it to 37 weeks due to her weight. If I'd had to be induced any earlier then I hate to think how small she would have been and the problems we would have faced.

This really does sound like it’s all about you still struggling to deal with the issues and your feelings about your own DCs birth and difficult start to life.

It’s difficult having a baby who can’t be taken home straight away because they’re poorly or need some extra medical help. And the 2 extra days that would have pushed your baby over the 37 week mark may not have made any difference to the interventions and medical support that your baby needed.

Did you get offered any debriefing at all, or information about by listening services offered by the hospital? The hospital my DC were born in , for example, offers a listening service where women can talk to midwives about their birth and the care they received. If your hospital offers similar services, would this kind of thing be helpful for you?

But, this isn’t your friends fault. Even if she wasn’t very supportive when your DC was born, it’s still not her fault.

My second baby was born at exactly 37 weeks and though technically classed as full term she was small and suffered breathing difficulties and gone on to have global develop delay and other problems which could be due to this.

As mother of twins born at 27 weeks I don't get this. Some people miss the first everything because healthcare professionals are too busy saving your child's life. I arrived on NICU to see my babies in clothes for the first time, bottle in mouths etc. I was so excited that they were finally big enough for these milestones I couldn't have the energy to be angry. (And yes I do roll my eyes at 36 weekers being called prem😕)

Enjoy your healthy baby (we aren't all this lucky)

And yes I do roll my eyes at 36 weekers being called prem

My 36 weeker nearly died.

You are being ridiculous. Why are you concerned with what your friend is telling people? You sound spiteful and nasty.

oneplus Sorry you had to go through it but how early does a baby need to be to avoid your eye-rolling??

My twins were born by emcs at 35+1 - I’ve had lots of people tell me that’s “not really premature”, but my boys were only 3.5 and 4.5lb, the smaller one had IUGR and had stopped moving. He has a serious illness as a result, thank god he was in the nicu and they were giving him IV nutrition and dextrose and testing his blood sugars otherwise he would likely have brain damage now.

They were taken straight from me, I didn’t see them. I wasn’t allowed to go to nicu for 7 hours and was convinced the smaller one had died and they didn’t want to tell me until I had recovered from the surgery. I wasn’t allowed to hold him for days. He ended up spending two months in nicu while the other baby came home after 17 days and that was such an incredibly hard time I can’t even put it into words.

I feel so sad about all the things we missed. I can’t even look at photos of babies just after birth, being held, smiles all round. I feel like their lives didn’t start until they were two months old.

I definitely haven’t dealt with it well and it sounds like you haven’t either x

I think you need to realise it’s not a competition and the language doesn’t really matter. My 34 weeker was off the bottom of the charts for her weight and length and had an agpar of one. She was in hospital for six weeks. I didn’t meet her for 24
hours. My friend had a 35 weeker at the same time who was nearly two pounds heavier and in for two days! It was as scary and horrible for her as it was for me. And now they’re 15 months mine is walking and talking. She’s very short, but absolutely fine and there’s no need to adjust her age any more.

Is your baby still very young?

I needed a planned c section and the eaiest they would do it was 39 weeks. I would think of 39 weeks being term. 37 to 39 early and before that prem. However outcomes are very different for individual babies. My 41 weeker had the worst apgar of the 3.

Dd was born at 41 weeks ( bit of a guess with dates as got pregnant on mini pill - 12 week scan put me further on than I thought I was ) she was a teeny 5lb 1 oz and was resuscitated. She had jaundice, feeding problems and a heart murmur and spent 10 days in scbu. She remained a tiny baby, tiny toddler and tiny child and is now a tiny teenager. Hit all the milestones early and is fine apart from stomach problems. At her ballet class there was a mum who always went on about her strapping 4 year old being prem and having to be so careful with her turns out born at 38 weeks and nearly 9lb.

Babies born at 23 - 30 weeks are proper teeny prem babies and their parents deserve the sympathy.

Babies born full time can have problems but honestly if you are lucky enough to have a healthy baby without major health problems be grateful and don't waste precious baby time arguing or getting upset about a label.

I had my twins at 36 weeks and one went to scbu. In the scheme of things it doesn’t matter. They all tend to catch up and it equals out in the end.

Tammy

My son was taken straight from me, and transferred to a different hospital. I was convinced he’d die alone without me. He recovered but I too feel like I missed out on so much.

I hope you and your babies are okay.

Ds was born at 36+6 by emcs, 7lbs 7ozs and spent 5 days in scbu due to breathing difficulties, then jaundice. As said by pp 37 weeks is term, 40 is full term. Midwives and doctors weren't remotely concerned about delivering ds "early" because it was so close to 37 weeks and he was a good size and healthy. Yes I missed first (gross) nappies and he was fed formula before I breastfed him and I didn't even get to hold him until he was 30 hours old. But he was 3 times the size of some of the babies in scbu, nowhere near as ill and was no longer classed as a premature baby by 2 weeks old.

It's not a competition, early delivery and/or scbu etc is shit for everyone even if their baby is in there for 1 day, because nobody is prepared for it and nobody wants it. Her situation has nothing to do with yours, it's all relative and everyone's fighting their own battle

Yeah my 41 weeker was born by crash section with GA. She wasn't breathing and has a apgar of 1 or 2 and only 5 at 5 minutes.
I also missed the first nappy change etc.
But thankfully she a strapping 13 year old now.

My granddaughter was born at 35 weeks by emc and weighed 2 lb 3oz. She spent a week in NICU and then moved to SCBU because they needed the bed and she was the healthiest baby in there. She got home at five weeks old weighing 3lb 7oz. At ten she's now taking growth hormones as she's still small (but perfectly formed!). You can't judge individual babies according to gestation or birth weight, they're all so different.

You do need to get a grip. How your friend views her baby's "prematurity" really has no impact on you - or it shouldn't have.