37 weeks isn't premature. Is it?

[37weeksisntearly]

I need a massive grip handing to me.

A friend has recently has a baby, induced at 37 weeks. Small but perfect and needed no scbu care. Because baby is so small, everyone thinks they are premature and are not being corrected.

I had a 36 and 5 days baby, who was too small for the regular charts. I had to fight for their 'prematurity' to be recognised because so that it wasn't a problem with all the bloody charts and growth milestones - they were so close to 37 weeks, medical staff didn't bother - why have the bloody cut off at 37 weeks then, you may as well say premature is anything before 40 weeks, or 24 weeks given the consideration it was given in my case. Mine had scbu care which, although mild being just blood sugars and feeding, was still very stressful at the time. And we still have issues now which are only just being suggested as to do with birth size and 'prematurity'.

Anyway, I just need a grip handing to me because I don't want to lose my temper with a first time mum.

I understand where you are coming from. My baby was born at 36 weeks, severely underweight and has many issues now years later. But because she was born at 36 weeks no one recognised that as an issue. I'm not even allowed mention it without getting eye rolls. And that started when she was in the baby unit because there was a 30 week baby in the same room. It's very isolating. But you are treating your friend in the same way too.

Interesting Pyong, although I meant in the sense that her wanting to hit her friend for having her baby 48 hours earlier than her.
It’s weird.

“Lose her grip not hit ! “

You are right that I probably haven't dealt with the issues.

Both of us were down for induction due to small for dates babies.

There was a weight difference of 1lb with mine being the smaller and needing more help and I'm now pondering whether my jealousy is because she's walked away with her 'premature baby' after one day in hospital whereas mine was in for 2 weeks.

I guess I'm just fed up/jealous of hearing how well her premature baby is doing while I was stuck travelling back and forth and not able to do all the things I wanted to with my newborn when they were so new too. All for the sake of 2 fucking days and a lb in weight.

And I am well aware the 'premature' has a wide range thanks to the scbu experience where there were babies so much earlier and smaller than mine. I felt incredibly lucky compared to those.

You wouldn't wish that on her though OP as she is your friend. Did you feel she was unsupportive and that is colouring your feelings? Maybe you need a little more help to feel better about how things went for you.

If it helps, you didn't miss out on doing anything during those 2 weeks. Newborns Feed, sleep, eat. Your time was special too in a different way.

*feed,sleep,cry

Had a friend who had a baby at 38+5 and insisted it was premature and that was why it wasn't doing the same as the other babies. It's caught up now because all babies do things in their own time but at the time it caused much sniggering that she was so insistent THAT WAS WHY.

I don't think it matters to be honest. YABU to judge and to care.

It’s not. I had the other way round kind of. Mine was born at 35 + 6 (36 wks basically) and everyone was so worried that she’d be poorly and tiny. She came out a perfectly healthy 6lbs 5! She did have jaundice that required treatment though which they said is a classic 36 weeker, they tend not to get it at 37 weeks. I felt I had to keep reiterating that she was a perfectly healthy size whenever someone gave me the ‘oh god poor you, I bet she was tiny and ill’ conversation (not that it was intended with any malice). If her baby is small it might just be easier for her to eat people think that if she doesn’t want to explain that the baby was full term just tiny?

How old is your baby OP? Mine was in for 10 days, born at 35+2. She's now 18 months and I have long since stopped correcting for age and that time in hospital seems a very small part of her life. If your baby is still very young it's understandable you are still focussed on what happened in the neonatal period, but it will fade. In any case you really are fixated on the wrong thing by worrying about that 2 day difference - there is so much variation between babies born at exactly the same gestation, whether premature or not.

*let not eat!

When my twins were born (36+4 ) the paediatricians has debating whether they should be classed as pre term (37weeks is term for twins) and should they have the heel pricks.. luckily they decided yes as it turned out DS blood sugars were low and they knew to intervene early.
I consider mine "late pre term"... they are still tracked using corrected age and at reviews they still have slight consideration paid to being early but ultimately they are not too far behind their peers.

This has a lot more to do with your own situation than hers. You are projecting unfairly and comparing where no comparison is appropriate. In the kindest possible way, you need to stop.

I read recently that 37-38 weeks (up to 39 completed weeks, I think) is now considered 'early term', as there is some evidence that babies born at this gestation can be at higher risk of problems than those born later. My experience bears this out - my exactly-38-weeker was nowhere near as ready for the world as his 41+-weeker siblings, struggled with bf, had jaundice etc. He wasn't particularly small either (only inasmuch as all my dc are naturally small - my latest-born, induced at 10 days overdue, was a perfectly healthy 2.5kg, and he weighed more than her at birth!). I think that thinking is gradually shifting from the idea that 37 weeks exactly = term = sunshine and roses. It does sound as if you were let down with your baby's care, but I don't think the answer to that is being hard on a new mother who is trying to make sense of her own experience

Yes. I do feel she was unsupportive. I missed out on first feed, first nappy. those firsts that you don't think matter, but when you don't get to do them, they do.

And no, I wouldn't wish it on her. I am glad she got to bring her baby home instead of travelling back and forth every day. But a teeny acknowledgement of 'actually, that's pretty shit' would have gone a long way when I'm commiserating with her over finding nappies and clothes that fit properly.

I know how easy it is to get wrapped up in that new baby bubble and I desperately don't want hers to be burst by me, which is why I'm ranting here in an anonymous forum rather than ruining a friendship by saying it to her. I'm not so mean as to want her to feel bad about things which were out of our control.

But she's not calling her baby premature other people are and you can't control this. In reality they induced her for a reason so they were obviously worried about the baby. Luckily her baby was ok but they didn't know that would be the case when she was induced.
I'm sorry you and your dc had problems but this is not your friends fault. How old is your child? I think you need to look into why this is bothering you because in reality you must know premature or not any baby can have problems and you can't hold it against women who's babies are born healthy.

OP you sound like mum who will be in reception class saying ...yes DC is only on blue level books not pink level because of corrected age!!!!

DS2 was born at 39+5 but weighed 5lb 2oz. SIL had her baby at 36+5 and he was 7lb1oz. The premature baby was kept in for 3 days.... My DS spent most of his first 18 months of life in hospital.

SCBU was full so we went straight onto a children's ward but as my DC wasn't premature he was not entitled ....

It's not about who's baby was earliest or needed much more care !!! DS is now 8 and DNeph is 8 too. My FS cant talk, walk very well, eat, sleep and he functions at 18-24 months.
Her DC is doing really well at school, with a good friendship group and he's a happy neurotypical boy!!!

Happy healthy children...that's all we want !!!

Please look and find your grip OP!

Don't lose your temper, there really isn't any reason to.

My watersbroke two weeks ago at 36+6 and the cut off for using the birthing suite was 37 weeks. luckily labour lasted another day so i snuck in there. Although he wasn't technically premature he had most of the same checks as he had bad jaundice and breathing issues.

So no it isn't premature but the whole due date thing is a bit messed up and the reason there is such a broad range of acceptable 37-42weeks is because 40 weeks is only an average length of gestation it is actually much more individual then that. there is what is premature for YOU/your baby.

My little boy was 37 weeks but weighed as much as full term 7.6lb. i was also born early myself plus my menstruation are quite short so who knows maybe that is full term for me??

With all due respect, she has just had a baby earlier than expected,as have you. Shes not in a position to be able to ‘support’ you with your issues, she’s a new first time mum with a little new born. It’s unreasonable to expect her to fulfill that role.

You sound really mean and not much of a friend TBH. My youngest was born at 35+6 and we were out the next day after the bloods came back ok. He was 5lb12 but not poorly at all, and he's still a slight build now at nearly 8. Did you want her baby to have problems just so you could say "I told you so?"?! Aren't you glad her baby is doing ok? If the baby was her first then she especially wouldn't know whether he/she was doing as expected or not.

I had my first dd at 37 weeks, they waited to do the emergency c section until midnight as she would be 37 weeks (and for platelets to warm up) and not classed as prem, but then they couldn't decide because of weight if to mark her on prem charts! They didn't as they said I'd be forever explaining it!

37 weeks is considered "term" before then is "premature", like you I had a friend who had her baby at 36+5 so almost term but was counted as a premature birth.

I get what you mean though, my youngest was born at 34 weeks and did struggle for a while, we were in hospital for a few weeks as his prematurity led to breathing and feeding problems.

I would describe the baby in question as early but not premature.

Bearing in mind that dating a pregnancy isn't an exact science, and is based on a 28 days menstrual cycle that no fucker has IME..

you realise your baby could actually have been "older" than hers right?

I desperately don't want hers to be burst by me

You keep saying this like you might not be able to control yourself. You can.

I missed out on first feed, first nappy. those firsts that you don't think matter, but when you don't get to do them, they do.

Totally agree, my baby was taken from me minutes after birth, it was an hour before I could be taken up to see them, then was tube fed until he could learn to BF. Someone else had put his "first outfit" on and then when we were in hospital I had to return alone to the post natal ward while baby was asleep in an incubator in a different building, that is no one near close to the struggles with micro prems but is emotionallly tough