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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it’s wrong of this man to film a child?

358 replies

MrsA2015 · 14/02/2018 23:02

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-5391341/Passenger-films-toddlers-eight-hour-tantrum-flight.html

I can see why he filmed it but for it to be put on the net is too far! I feel quite sorry for the mother she must have felt mortified

OP posts:
Geronimooooo · 15/02/2018 13:43

Everyone's saying he can be excused because he has disabilities and they should just use earphones but the article states that a passenger said 'not even notice canceling headphones' could drown him out. Also, these passengers paid alot for their tickets so they have a right to a quiet flight instead of 8 hours of screaming

RoseWhiteTips · 15/02/2018 13:43

5plusMeAndHim

Can’t put either of us through that again.

..and more importantly a hundred other innocent passengers!

Exactly. They are the ones who are stuck in this situation.

Coloursthatweremyjoy · 15/02/2018 13:44

5plus - I think the poster gets it. She didn't say she's planning a re-run next week.

On the flip side, I took mine on a plane, both Autistic, one likely to be okay, the other, iffy. I prepared everything, got organised, held my breath...and it went like a dream, turns out they love planes and more strangely, plane food. Flown lots of times since...our only incident was when a man in front of DS whirrled round before everyone was sat down and snapped "is he going to do that the whole way!?!" DS had knocked his seat accidently as he got into his own. I explain, apologise, tell DS to be careful etc. Once in the air said passenger collapses his seat as far back as it will go, nothing like consideration for others.

I was quite tempted to tell DS that man in front was very, very interested in Minecraft...specifically Dan's latest build...

Devilishpyjamas · 15/02/2018 13:52

She is a complete twat if she took him on a flight when she knew he has needs which could not be met aboard a plane

And how would she know that? I have taken Ds1 on ferries multiple times over the last 19 years. Most of the time he’s been fine (people still suck lemons at having to share space with him though, even when he is fine). One time (when he was 5) he was bouncing off the walls, last summer (aged 18) he beat the living crap out of me (probably because he didn’t feel that well, or he didn’t want to leave a particular place behind or something - I have no idea). Should he have sat in for the last 18 years?

RoseWhiteTips · 15/02/2018 13:53

The needs of the majority were ignored due to total selfishness on the part of that parent and total failure on the part of the airline staff to take the correct course of action.

As others have said, adults would have been marched off a plane for behaviour which would impact on other passengers. This should not have been treated any differently.

The man was well within his rights to film this marathon of noise AND to put it in the public arena. It is a matter for public attention that this sort of situation can be allowed to happen.

DonnyAndVladSittingInATree · 15/02/2018 14:01

Sounds like rose has all the facts. Hmm

cherryontopp · 15/02/2018 14:10

YABU

He had every right to video. The child's face was blocked out for most of it.

Its the mothers behaviour I found most alarming. Throughout the video, you could only hear her ask the for Ipad, not trying to comfort or settle him.

Whether the boy had learning disabilities are not, its his parents job to settle him which she didn't seem to be too bothered about.

Why the plane set off when he was screaming like that in the first place, is another thread all together

Spikeyball · 15/02/2018 14:19

The same man made a video of a distressed older woman and put that on you tube. Is that ok too?

RoseWhiteTips · 15/02/2018 14:23

DonnyAndVladSittingInATree

Sounds like rose has all the facts. hmm

Thank you.

pingupanini · 15/02/2018 14:23

Once the mother was ON the flight... and this began. What was she meant to do? Open the door and get off?

The only way the mum could have removed is if the staff assisted her or suggested she did so

The man was horrid. Mum was as trapped as the rest and whether she knew it would occur nobody knows without her speaking up

Eatalot · 15/02/2018 14:32

Jesus id expect some of the comments here from dm readers. A disabled child most likely autism, come on people this site is supposed to be about support for parents.

ShutUpBaz · 15/02/2018 14:34

The guy was a douche for putting the film on YouTube, no doubt about that. I don't blame him for recording it if his purpose was solely to deal with the airline.

Aside from the video-making issues, there is no way that child should have been allowed to scream like that for 8 hours regardless of SN or not. Its simply not fair one the other fare-paying passengers. Climbing on the seat backs and pushing past people in the aisle is just dangerous. The poor child is obviously massively distressed and I imagine had a massively sore throat at the very least.

I don't know the answer though. The situation is never going to have a winner. But I believe the needs of the majority should have come first in this instance.

MissP103 · 15/02/2018 14:34

My sympathy is entirely with the other passengers. If he had a disability the mother would have made some attempt to do something. The least she could do is to apologise to people around her.
What a nightmare to have been on that flight.

Devilishpyjamas · 15/02/2018 14:38

But I believe the needs of the majority should have come first in this instance

How? Emergency landing and chuck him off the plane? My son sometimes screams like that when waiting for Trains to leave the stations. He’s fine once they move - they’re just not allowed to stop.

Devilishpyjamas · 15/02/2018 14:38

Maybe she did apologise? 7 hours 57 minutes of video are missing.

DonnyAndVladSittingInATree · 15/02/2018 14:40

If he had a disability the mother would have made some attempt to do something. The least she could do is to apologise to people around her.

  1. you have no idea how to best deal with someone’s else’s specific needs (if they have a disability) I would imagine his parent would have slightly more insight into how to handle him than you.

  2. how do you know she didn’t make an attempt to do something?

sleepylittlebunnies · 15/02/2018 14:53

Possibly the mother knew that talking to him would make matters worse. Perhaps the boy is deaf which in part would explain why he is so loud and apparently non verbal and would make talking to him useless.

We don’t know any of the facts but no NT 2-3 year old child could keep up this level of screaming and activity for 8 hours solid.

Masterbuilders · 15/02/2018 15:11

I have SN children, quite severe two of whom have never been on a plane because until I was confident they could cope. I wouldn’t have dared book.

They are going for the first time in their lives and they are a lot older now. If I thought for a minute a plane would cause that much distress I wouldn’t take them (which is why they haven’t been up until now).

The issue there is a safety one and considering he was like that before the plane took off, I’m surprised they even flew with him on board. He could have been hurt and so could other passengers.

The needs of one against the majority. I don’t feel like I’ve missed out on anything by not going abroad for over a decade, I know my kids would not have coped with an aeroplane and I put them first.

So many people say ‘what about me’ and expect everyone else to put up and shut up because of a disability. I don’t think that’s right and I say that having lived with disabilities and all it entails for nearly 16 years.

I don’t think he was being unreasonable. I’d be complaining to the airline about their decision to take off. It potentially could’ve cause safety issues for other passengers. It wasn’t fair on the child to take off when he was clearly so distressed before hand.

cunningartificer · 15/02/2018 18:40

Again, no evidence of more than the three minutes. It’s interesting to see the reactions of other passengers—there is no tutting or shocked looks, but a lot of what looks like patient understanding, which again suggests to me it’s exaggerated, and it was evident the child had SN (the fact that the reported comment he had SN didn’t come from his mother suggests to me this may have been explained to other passengers, in fact).

It’s lucky the plane wasn’t full of some of the people making foul comments on this thread. Those who were there seem to have been pretty understanding (apart from the opportunistic video ‘artist’). Which may be because they know what the whole flight was like and not just the three minutes immortalised on the Internet.

RoseWhiteTips · 15/02/2018 20:45

Perhaps this; perhaps that.
🙄
The other passengers should not have had that inflicted upon them. No perhaps about that.

Devilishpyjamas · 15/02/2018 21:24

You do get that behaviour is unpredictable and you can’t really remove someone from a plane once it’s got going? I doubt anyone would choose to put themselves in that situation unless they really really had to if they knew their child was going to be that distressed.

He may have flown before and been perfectly okay. It may have been a first flight.

grannytomine · 15/02/2018 21:37

He didn't seem to be restrained in anyway for take off, surely that is wrong in itself. I am really patient about children's noise, often get attacked on here as I will defend kids listening to peppa pig, but I think if it really was 8 hours of that I would be stressed to hell.

I'm sure giving a child some sort of sedative to calm them isn't normally an answer but with that level of distress I think it would be kinder. If she is due to fly back I hope she considers how she can make it less stressful for the child and everyone else.

BarbarianMum · 15/02/2018 22:15

Well let's hope it wasn't his first flight because otherwise the poor kid's going to have to be put through that again to get home. If they'll allow him to fly.

hennaoj · 15/02/2018 23:18

We had 30 minutes of my 4 year old Autistic son screaming on our return flight from Spain until he fell asleep. The poor soul was petrified and there was nothing we could do for him, he gets soo worked up he doesn't want anyone near him when he's scared. He was fine on the outbound flight, but returning petrified thanks to going on a Ferrari flight simulator days before. Anything resembling theater style seating has scared him to death ever since. I can't believe those awful comments about that poor little boy, he would have been suffering more than anyone.

crunchymint · 15/02/2018 23:32

I am shocked the plane took off with him like that, unless the video is a lie and he did calm down before take off.