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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

how many transgender people do you know

504 replies

ambereeree · 14/02/2018 14:50

Just that really. I've only met one at work a man who had the change to a woman.
From the number of threads recently it would appear that people are bumping into trans people everywhere they turn.

OP posts:
ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 14/02/2018 16:15

Two. One TIM, one TIF. Both with GRCs. Both of the gender dysphoria, head down want to get on without being noticed type thing. Both aghast about the idea of self ID, but have to be very very careful who they talk to about it as they are both scared of repercussions from the TRAs

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 14/02/2018 16:16

Oh, and going by Stonewall's definition, me.

IfNot · 14/02/2018 16:20

But Maddaddam I think that a lot of the trans threads on MN are actually borne out of concern for young people as the prevailing wisdom amongst them (which is egged on by TRAs) is that they can't be "gender non conforming" without "changing gender" and going down a very medicalised path.
That's my feeling anyway. I would like to see young girls accepting themselves as lesbians/girls who don't wear make up / girls who are good at science or sports, rather than thinking they must really be boys!
I'm so glad I came of age in the 90s. All my boyfriends had long hair, mine was cropped really short. Lots of my friends had both same sex and opposite sex relationships. Girls didn't always wear make up, and sometimes wore combat boots..labelling yourself as anything was just not cool.
It scares me how much kids seem to buy into the idea that womanhood =hair extensions and false eyelashes.
I wear make up and heels, but I wouldn't say I'm wedded to any gender. I AM female but what's in my pants doesn't define my personality. Surely that's the point.
The obsession with labelling is so damaging.

A very few people are medically gender dysphoric, and so become transsexual. The laws are being changed not for them, or for confused young girls, but for a very vocal group of male transvestites.

AnaWinter · 14/02/2018 16:21

None

stargirl1701 · 14/02/2018 16:22

One.

A friend's DC with autism who was FtM. He died by suicide last February.

Thedogsmells · 14/02/2018 16:22

Two. Both MtF.

Thedogsmells · 14/02/2018 16:23

Both older than me, late 40ies probably.

lololove · 14/02/2018 16:25

One - FTM. He's had a serious load of crap in his life and generally much happier now.

Maddaddam · 14/02/2018 16:27

Ifnot, it is quite interesting, as I am very much the sort of feminist who storms around in DMs and no make up, and my dc were brought up in a very egalitarian household- 4 adults - 2 men and 2 women - all with professional careers and all 4 equally taking time off work to bring up children. Etc. A very explicitly feminist upbringing. Not very much pink or sparkle around, and much challenging of gender norms.

This was suffiient for my other two teen dds, who are both quite political and feminist, but happy being female. And it was not enough for dc1.

I say, "but why can't you be biologicallly female, but wear and do and act as you like?". Dc1 says, it's not about that, it's about how they feel inside, and yes they know they don't need to be feminine to be a woman, but they still don't want to be one.

teaandtoast · 14/02/2018 16:29

@Notevilstepmother - that wasn't me. It was another poster, TeasndToast.

PUGaLUGS · 14/02/2018 16:32

One.
Man to woman at work.

AGreatBigPonk · 14/02/2018 16:32

Two - both FtM. One early 30s one early 20s.

Maddaddam · 14/02/2018 16:36

Actully, I think our kids maybe heard us when we said gender is a social construction, to be challenged, and took it a step further.

I don't think all the shouting about the dangers of transpeople comes from caring about young people being led astray. My teens and their peers do a lot of talking, discussing, reading, thinking about these issues, they don't think the same as the feminists of my generation, 80s feminist types, but they are reframing the debate and challenging some of our norms.

I'm not saying I'm wild about all the implications of self-ID, but my dc and their peers do see it very differently. They are not bothered about single gender spaces, and they are very bothered about spaces for gender-questioning people. It's not totally stupid and naive of them. Even if there are elements that I may not be completely in agreement with.

butterybiscuitbasebasebase · 14/02/2018 16:36

The amount of threads seems completely disproportionate to the real life threat of the dodgy trans deviants mumsnet posters like to lament.

ReinettePompadour · 14/02/2018 16:37
  1. All mtf and all on the same side of the family (cousins). I do wonder whether there is something genetic involved. Blush
IfNot · 14/02/2018 16:38

Hmm. I don't think I want to be one either Maddadam! There are so many shit things about being a woman. (Hello perimenopause and ailing parents. .)
And maybe your daughter is one of the few real transsexuals. Or maybe she is growing up in a world (outside of her family) that doesn't seem to have a lot in it to recommend being a woman. I can kind of get it.

PortiaCastis · 14/02/2018 16:44

None

IfNot · 14/02/2018 16:44

but my dc and their peers do see it very differently. They are not bothered about single gender spaces, and they are very bothered about spaces for gender-questioning people.

But aren't most of us "gender questioning"?
I'm not sure what that even means if you think gender is a social construct?
I don't want single gender spaces either. Just single sex spaces in places like women's refuges.
That seems like a no brainer to me.

QueenofallIsee · 14/02/2018 16:44

1, Male to Trans in my workplace. Genuinely affronted that I am not receptive to having 'girly nights out' with them despite the fact that I don't know them well, am more than 15 years younger and thought that they were a bit of a cock before they 'came out' as Trans

I don't think its a coincidence that they are not chasing friendship with women their own age or older, only me and the few others in my age bracket (30s). I am waiting for the howls of prejudice to come when i once again decline to invite them out with my friends and I

Growingboys · 14/02/2018 16:45

None

icedtea · 14/02/2018 16:45

None

crunchymint · 14/02/2018 16:46

When I was a very young adult I wasn't bothered about single sex spaces. I was simply young and naive.

StableGenius · 14/02/2018 16:52

I know one - FtM - the partner of a friend of SIL, so I wouldn't say I knew him well. We've met 3 times. He transitioned back in the 90s and is in his 40s now.

I should add that dd2's school friend (12 y.o.) - with a very traumatic past and severe mh issues, lots of CAMHS and SS involvement - currently identifies as male.

Maddaddam · 14/02/2018 16:52

Well, yes, I'd also prefer women's refuges to be just for biological women. I'd also like safe spaces for trans people, who often suffer horrific discrimination, far more than many of us have as women.
I was also irritated by the "first woman on the front line" being someone who had joined the army as a man. That felt very unfair to me.

But, weighed against that, is the urge so many young people seem to have to question their gender identity and their biological sex, without being dismissed, or told they're just naive or wrong.

madeyemoodysmum · 14/02/2018 16:54

None that I'm aware of

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