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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

No Valentine gift not even a card.

456 replies

lilypoppet · 13/02/2018 13:19

Me again. At Christmas you were all kind enough to reply when my DH have me chutney for Christmas. Today he said he realised he hadn't got me anything, so did I want to go to the cinema tonight instead? Only it'll have to be this afternoon because he needs an early night before work tomorrow. I've got him a card and a Yoga mat I know he really wanted. I even went out in the rain and carried it back from cliick and collect. I am so sick of his disrespect. AIBU?

OP posts:
MadRainbow · 13/02/2018 16:21

I remember your Xmas thread, does he realise how much this upsets you? Not as in you've just told him/got angry but genuinely knows how much it hurts?

Sometimes it does take you losing your shit before someone wakes up to the magnitude of a situation

CherryMaDeary · 13/02/2018 16:23

@MyKingdomForBrie

Oh, for a like button Grin

Imverypleasedtomeetyou · 13/02/2018 16:25

Reading with interest....

I've been with DP for nine years, we have two children a 16 month old and a 2.9 year old. For Christmas last year he bought me....nothing, not even a 'mummy' card from our children. For my birthday last month he bought me.....nothing! Again not even a 'mummy' card from our children. I'm not expecting to get anything tomorrow. I'm not particularly bothered about valentines day, I would rather have romantic gestures throughout the year e.g. occasional flowers (which he used to do but hasn't bothered doing for the last few years - since we've had children really).

His lack of effort for my birthday and Christmas is seriously making me review our whole relationship.

underthecorktree · 13/02/2018 16:25

If you’re so unhappy why stay with him?

MyKingdomForBrie · 13/02/2018 16:26

broom did you read what I wrote. She wants him to care. If he didn’t get anyone a present but showed he cared in other ways then it wouldn’t matter but he doesn’t. He gets presents for other people who matter to him but not for her. He’s rude when she’s upset. You’re being obtuse.

MsHarry · 13/02/2018 16:27

We don't bother. We do romantic things on other days when it's because we feel like it, not when shops/calendars tell us to. Its just not a big deal, especially not to men, I wouldn't judge him on it and haven't done since I was about 16.

MatildaTheCat · 13/02/2018 16:28

There are some fantastic films out at the moment. Go for the cinema, book decent seats and have a glass of wine and some chocs.

In future start sending him email links to your preferred gift about ten days in advance. I speak from experience.

PhuntSox · 13/02/2018 16:30

It seems to me that he treats his mother nicely, gifts and time etc. You are clearly second best as the Molton Brown vs cheaper version show.

MsHarry · 13/02/2018 16:30

My friend's DH was always showy on VD and Mothers day, always bouquets being delivered and Sunday lunches out on MD. Turns out he was cheating for years. It means nothing.

CherryMaDeary · 13/02/2018 16:30

@Imverypleasedtomeetyou

Are you still getting him birthday and Christmas presents? Have you told him that it's important to you?

BroomHandledMouser · 13/02/2018 16:33

Not obtuse in the slightest Kingdom
Thanks though Smile

BarbaraofSevillle · 13/02/2018 16:33

But he won't ever care about buying presents, it's just not on his radar, it's not him. People don't suddenly jump up and go shopping at every opportunity because there's 'an event'. They either care about that sort of stuff or they don't.

The best the OP can hope for is that he gets into 'I must buy something for DW or else she'll moan at me' mentality and if that's the sentiment behind it, why bother?

If the OP wants something, she can buy it herself. I don't understand all this 'buy X with his credit card'. They are married, it all comes out of the same pot anyway and if there's no thought and effort on his part, it's not a gift from him.

picklemepopcorn · 13/02/2018 16:36

But he makes the effort for his mum, barbara.

MsHarry · 13/02/2018 16:37

The Mum thing is a bit weird OP. If he was like that with everyone I'd get it but he's a bit of a mummy's boy which I would find annoying. Don't give him the mat. Incidentally, how does he react when you give him nice gifts?

Scabbersley · 13/02/2018 16:38

I've bought dh a box of maltesers. That's it.

MyKingdomForBrie · 13/02/2018 16:39

barbara he does care about presents!!! Read the thread - mum gets expensive presents, as does sister.

broom then how the hell do you explain your thinking on this? He cares about presents, just not for her, so what you said just isn’t true.

MsHarry · 13/02/2018 16:42

None of this is a problem if you're both on the same wavelength. I reckon it should be discussed upfront prior to vows!

MsHarry · 13/02/2018 16:44

Best VD gift I ever had was looking out of the window in the morning to find my DH who had left for work had scraped my frosty windscreen into a heart and written "I love you MsHarry" in it. He is quite shy about public displays of affection so I was really touched.

Tuareg · 13/02/2018 16:47

polilypoppet

He wanted a yoga mat!!!!

MyKingdomForBrie · 13/02/2018 16:48

msharry I bet the OP would love that. Your dp obviously really cares and you feel secure in his love.

That’s what’s missing for OP.

Original poster
lilypoppet · 13/02/2018 16:50

MIL and SIl have more money than us so I think he feels the need to come up with a decent gift for.them.

OP posts:
IWannaSeeHowItEnds · 13/02/2018 16:51

But he does care about that stuff, when it comes to buying presents for his mum. And presumably he happily accepts what the OP buys for him.

Original poster
lilypoppet · 13/02/2018 16:56

A rose would have been lovely.

OP posts:
Chocolatecake12 · 13/02/2018 16:56

I haven’t read the whole thread, but I think you seriously need to sit him down and make him understand that these things are important to you.
A card, a simple gift. It’s the thought that counts.

MsHarry · 13/02/2018 16:57

He shouldn't be spending more on his Mum than you OP.