I don’t think op’s husband sounds selfish or twatty at all.
In the chutney thread OP said she helped pick out the present for the MIL, and that the rationale behind spending more on her was that she does a lot for their kids.
So people get nice presents when OP helps pick them out, or they say what they want (she said they knew that MIL liked Moulton Brown). Her husband clearly can’t shop well for presents - lots of people can’t. Yet she expects him to second guess what she wants and gets all martyrish when it doesn’t materialise.
He’s also only working part time, so he suggested a £10 budget for their Christmas presents to each other, which she agreed to. It seems to me like he felt they should just do some token thing for each other, while prioritising kids and family, which seems reasonable.
He obviously has a completely different concept of the value and appropriateness of present giving to partners, but she refuses to have an adult conversation about it, instead getting upset after the fact.
She set herself up for failure with this Valentine’s debacle - gift giving is hardly standard. Valentine’s Day to a lot of people is a bit of fun for teens / young people / singles when you send a card with a funny poem anonymously to someone you fancy.
Giving a yoga mat seems completely bizarre. As is the nonsense about trudging out in a howling gale like Wenceslas’s page, to click and collect. And all the stuff about smiling bravely at Christmas. Give me a break. This isn’t a big drama, it’s just poor communication.
My husband and I get nice presents for our families, because they like to do presents (we think it’s all a bit pointless). But we don’t do presents for each other, because we’ve discussed it and we don’t really want anything that we wouldn’t just get for ourselves. We make each other nice meals instead. But we couldn’t have come to this agreement if we hadn’t discussed it.
The only discussion the OP appears to have had is the one where her husband made a suggestion about budgets and she agreed. How the hell is he supposed to know that she doesn’t really agree and actually expects bigger and better presents, even at random times like Valentine’s Day?
Maybe he thinks gift giving is pointless, but does it for the people he knows expect it, like the kids and the MIL. If OP isn’t going to be clear about what she expects, it’s hardly reasonable to then get all “woe is me” about it.
Gift giving is fraught enough as it is without people treating their loved ones like they’ve failed a test they didn’t even know they were taking.