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Original poster

To think my ex is an absolute prick

226 replies

ExFury · 13/02/2018 11:31

I've NC'd for this in case anyone linked to my ex sees it, I don't want them to know my usual name.

I have two teenage DD's with ex. They've had an up and down relationship with him over the years. He goes through stages of being super attentive and then hardly seeing them for months. Things settled quite a bit when he got married 4 years ago. He moved 4 hours away, but he wanted the girls every other weekend and has been pretty regular at taking them. They get on well with their step-brother (similar age) and they now have a young half-brother who they adore.

His wife isn't the most welcoming to them, but she's not awful. She refuses to be an "unpaid babysitter" when ex is on call (he does 1 weekend every 12 weeks) so despite the fact he's been called out once in the last 3 years contact has to be cancelled on his on-call weekends. She spends every Christmas with her parents and won't "impose" the girls on them so they don't ever get to spend Christmas with them (this suits me, but the girls would like to spend 1 Christmas with their brothers). When they are there she's nice to them, she's just not particularly interested in them.

Last summer DH and I wanted to take the girls to Australia for a holiday. I asked if we could take them for 3 weeks and he said a straight no. So I tried to juggle round days, but with flights and the likes we decided to wait as messing with his contact weekend just wasn't worth the hassle. The girls were having a particularly good time with him and their new baby brother we felt it wasn't worth any arguments so we just went away for two weeks.

The girls were told by their step-brother at the weekend that they are all going to Australia on holiday next year. The girls were as hyper as anything and came home full of talk about it. The eldest even wondered if DH and I could go on holiday before or after that so they could get 4 weeks in Aus.

Got a text this morning from ex. He is going to Australia. His wife is going. His son and step-son are going. Unfortunately they are going when the girls are sitting their exams as it's the only time that fits in with his family (charming turn of phrase there) so unless I'm prepared to let them miss their standard grades and highers they won't be going with. Apparently he's sorry for the confusion. So, I get to tell them tonight (he won't tell them on the phone and I can't see them excited for over a week). Fucking prick.

OP posts:
caringdenise009 · 16/02/2018 20:05

My ex,NC with our son aged 13, was most pissed off one year that I wouldn't let him call ON XMAS DAY to tell our son that he'd remarried......oh and that he had a new baby brother. He could not see any wrong with it. He hadn't sent a card , present not even that year ,when he was doing his best GoodDadFace

YellowMakesMeSmile · 16/02/2018 20:32

Men are such shits aren't they, when they have a new relationship

Not just men though is it. This is a woman excluding her step children and their father enabling it. Both are as bad as each other.

Sadly it's very common in blended families with excuses of " they get presents on their own side, they go away with the RP etc.

Jux · 18/02/2018 19:26

Just this once play the one-upmanship game, just this once. Remortgage the house if that's what it takes,, but get those girls a holiday which not only makes 3 weeks in Aus pale into insignificance but simply cannot be topped, ever.

Mustique. Have you thought of Mustique? And maybe a tour of the Caribbean in a private yacht for the 6 weeks of the summer. Or the Orient Express, or India?

And then let him play his silly games, and ignore them. But, just this once......

RandomMess · 18/02/2018 19:35

You know Jux, I think the same!!!

AnnaleeP · 18/02/2018 20:31

Yes Jux!

Road trip across the states, safari in Africa, something bloody amazing.

Make sure you invite the step brother and half brother too.

Original poster
ExFury · 18/02/2018 21:21

Funnily enough @Jux that's exactly what my DH said! The girls are mulling over a couple of holiday options, but they know they are not tied to Australia (they fancied Canada at one point as well).

Still haven't heard from their father, not even a text. At one point one of them was calling him every hour on the hour, but I put a stop to that. I don't trust him/her not to do something stupid like say they were being harassed or something.

I messaged him and told him the girls were getting concerned about him, but he ignored that as well (well, he read it, but didn't reply).

DD2 is desperately upset by it all. She's switching between being very upset and super angry. I'm so sad for her.

DD1 is quite resigned to it all. She's quite black and white when it comes to things and says she doesn't need him so that's that.

OP posts:
Original poster
ExFury · 18/02/2018 21:23

Make sure you invite the step brother and half brother too.

As much as I feel sorry for them that's never going to happen. One is a teenager I'm not related too and the other is a baby that I'm not related too either.

My only concern is my girls. It's a shame, especially for the step brother as the girls and he were quite close, but he has a mother, a step father and a father to look after him.

OP posts:
Jux · 18/02/2018 21:36

Might be worth inviting the teen stepbrother. That is an age where it is quite common for families to take a child's friend along too, and he's not just a friend, he''s their step-brother. The girls could suggest he come too, and youcould say OK when they ask.

Actually that's mean. The poor boy's got enough to contend with.

Original poster
ExFury · 18/02/2018 21:43

There's no way I'm inviting the step-brother. I get the thought process behind it, and maybe if they were older/financially independant age, but no way.

Firstly, I can't even get the man to speak to his children to explain they aren't invited on the 'family' holiday.

I've met the boy twice. I wouldn't take any child I'm that unfamiliar with away.

Plus how would that work? How would he get here? Am I supposed to drive 4 hours to pick up the child of a woman who won't have my girls in her house if their father might get called out? What does that say to the girls about boundaries?

sorry, I know why people might suggest it, but no way. It's not the same set up at all as them not taking the girls, not at all.

OP posts:
Leiaorganashair · 18/02/2018 22:07

Why on earth should the OP invite the stepbrother and the half sibling? That's bonkers.

Huntinginthedark · 19/02/2018 00:49

Jesus I cannot believe he’s just ignoring them
What is he 12
I don’t think I’ve ever heard anything like it.
I would just turn up at their bloody door, I know that’s not a good idea
But he seems like an out of sight out of mind kind of arsehole

Jux · 19/02/2018 16:06

ExFury, I'm so sorry. You're absolutely right, it would be dreadful to invite him. I got carried away on my revenge scenario; it was stupid and thoughtless to suggest it and I should have kept quiet.

Leia, no reason at all. It was me getting carried away with ideas of revenge.

Jux · 19/02/2018 16:07

Are you still considering the majorly fab holiday, though?

RandomMess · 19/02/2018 16:19

Amazing holiday and the latest iPhone each Wink

TeeBee · 19/02/2018 16:58

Fuck me, what a cowardly shit he is, can't stand up to his witch of a wife. He doesn't give a fuck about those girls. Please do book them the best bloody holiday ever. Start a funding page, I'd happily contribute to help fuck him (and that horse he rode into town on) over.

Flipflopflipflap · 19/02/2018 17:01

I want to send you, DP and all your girls on a round the world super holiday.
Hoping you’re all doing alright op
Flowers

Original poster
ExFury · 19/02/2018 17:45

TeeBee You made me chuckle at the idea of a funding page. I'd love to make one just to have a friend of a friend send ex the link lol.

Girls are doing alright. We're pricing up two holidays atm and will have a vote soon. One of the girls has suggested a coast-to-coast US trip. The other is a trip to Australia, but a bit different to the Sydney/Melbourne trip we'd originally thought of. So, we'll do something epic, it'll just be a case of working out the best dates to fit in the school holidays/weather/etc.

Thanks again!

OP posts:
TheMShip · 19/02/2018 19:31

Can I put in a vote for a west coast USA to Canada trip? California up to Vancouver: Disney, LA, San Francisco, the gorgeous sand dunes in Oregon, Seattle, Vancouver, then finish up with a few days surfing on the wild west coast of Vancouver Island and see the orcas.

Thebluedog · 19/02/2018 20:26

Another vote for Canada and the US

selftitledalbum · 19/02/2018 20:27

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

AnnaleeP · 19/02/2018 20:34

Woah that's really unnecessary and harsh. I suppose you've never made a mistake in your life, have you?

ExFury, yes I apologise for the half brother/step brother suggestion. It wouldn't be fair. A coast to coast US trip sounds great Grin

FizzyGreenWater · 19/02/2018 20:35

selftrolledalbum u ok hunnnee?

Original poster
ExFury · 19/02/2018 20:40

Maybe you should have thought that before you dropped your knickers and had two kids with him?

Thought of what exactly?

Because funnily enough it was really quite impossible to know he was going to be a shit father (to the children he claimed he desperately wanted - having a second close in age was his idea) until they were here...

OP posts:
Ladymadness · 19/02/2018 20:41

selftitledalbum really? I suppose op should have consulted her crysal ball ?

SundaysFunday · 19/02/2018 20:49

@selftitledalbum wtf?