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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU re expectations of grandparent looking after DC

109 replies

Grannydaycare · 12/02/2018 21:08

So it’s half-term and my mum had our two children (4&7) for the day today as we were working. We live nearby but although she makes a big play of telling other that she enjoys seeing her grandchildren she never suggests doing anything with them. Her DH (not my DF) works full-time. I do realise it’s hard when you’re on your own but she’s reasonably fit and not particularly old.

Today she picked them up and went to the cinema (because I’d suggested it, checked where a film was on and given her times). They then popped into see some of her DH’s family before heading home to hers and basically watching tv for the rest of the day. There are a few toys/games there but DC aren’t really aware of them because she never suggests them. She also only fed them sweet snacks and they were really hungry when they got home. They did at least go out today but I don’t think it would have happened if I hadn’t planned it. I just feel that she doesn’t give any thought to what they could together and doesn’t do anything that gives her chance to get to know them. She’s very passive. But then I wonder if maybe I’m making an unfair comparison with my PiL who are the exact opposite and come up with interesting things to do that appeal to the DC’s interests.

So AIBU to expect my DM to give more thought to what to do with DC? What do your parents/PiL do if they have your DC for a one off day in the holidays?

(Ps I changed my username just in case)

OP posts:

Roseandmabelshouse · 12/02/2018 21:09

I'd say be grateful she wants to help out!

formerbabe · 12/02/2018 21:10

Wow, how ungrateful are you?

How about you either...

A. Quit working and look after your DC yourself to the standard you want.

B. Pay for childcare.

You'll find both these options massively affect your finances.

Bagsalot · 12/02/2018 21:12

Sounds fine to me if it's a one off. Send with a packed lunch and portable games and colouring next time but honestly I would be grateful for the child care.

Vanillamanilla1 · 12/02/2018 21:12

I'm a grandmother ... a very young one ( early 40's ) and I just love spending time with my grandson... one on one , just me and him... I love just looking at him in wonderment, I don't want to go out and do stuff and be distracted , especially sitting in a dark cinema room, making him be quiet as to not disturb the other cinema goers ..
I adore the precious minutes watching him play , playing with him, watching his face getting excited , cuddling him when he's sleeping ... I just enjoy our time together ...

AmberTopaz · 12/02/2018 21:12

I have the opposite problem. My parents try to cram in loads of stuff - I think they’re worried about the DC getting bored - and they come back absolutely knackered!

Anyway, YABU - if she’s looking after the kids for you, it’s up to her how she fills the time.

Vanillamanilla1 · 12/02/2018 21:13

Plus I see him and have him at mine at every available opportunity...because I love him and I love our time together ... I don't have to have him. I choose to have him ... he often stays over

Bagsalot · 12/02/2018 21:14

Also I have no one to have my children so it's kids club or time off work for me or dh

GrannyMac2018 · 12/02/2018 21:14

Be grateful for the free childcare
My dm and df help me in the holidays and I would never moan about what they do with the kids so long as they are safe and loved.
Our parents do not come from a generation where kids need to be constantly entertained with a. Very ending schedule of activities and it did us no harm.
Your kids will enjoy time with their grandparents and appreciate the difference between spending time with them and your in laws. It ant everyday so why moan and if you Continue to as your dm I'd say just visit with them if the 'free childcare' is not up to your standards !

halfwitpicker · 12/02/2018 21:14

I'd just be grateful tbh.

Zero help here, unfortunately.

troodiedoo · 12/02/2018 21:14

The not doing anything is not a problem, does kids good to be bored every now and again.

Not feeding them properly is not acceptable though. Suggest sending them with packed lunches next time

beany5 · 12/02/2018 21:14

I would honestly be really grateful if my mum wanted to look after my children during the holidays so I could work.

Winegumaddict · 12/02/2018 21:14

Did you not send food? My lovely MIL looks after my 2 every week. I always send lunch I so grateful she looks after them I don't want it to 'cost' her more although I'm well aware she saves me a days childcare costs and it costs her time etc.

GrannyMac2018 · 12/02/2018 21:16

I think Cinema and a visit to a family member is more than enough entertainment. For one day for a 4 and 7 year old !
Good problem is solved by either sending a cooked dinner for her to re-heat or a packed lunch... if too much trouble for you you have to just go with the flow on the odd day she has them

Steeley113 · 12/02/2018 21:16

My mum helps all the time and even I think you should just be grateful?

Quorafun · 12/02/2018 21:17

I'd say that you are expecting her to provide childcare, when what she is doing is time with a grandparent. How she does that time isn't for you to dictate.

kaytee87 · 12/02/2018 21:18

I wouldn't be too bothered about them watching tv as it's not like she has them all the time. Did she really not even give them lunch though? That's not great.

edwinbear · 12/02/2018 21:19

She looked after them all day and took them to the cinema for a treat? How many activities per day do you usually do in the holidays? I had a days leave today to look after DC. We too went to the cinema as our 'activity' I don't feel like we should have done anymore.

Marriedwithchildren5 · 12/02/2018 21:19

She took them to the cinema and went to see family. They then chilled watching tv. You are very u to be complaining.

Brilliant idea to send a packed lunch. Perhaps send a cake to thank dm for helping you out.

FlibbertyGiblets · 12/02/2018 21:20

Send them with a packed lunch and some colouring books/pencils or whatever they like that's portable.

Your children were safe with a trusted adult, thats worth a lot.

MissBeehiving · 12/02/2018 21:20

My DS came back from a day at my parents once having drunk 12 Froot Shoots and had no food. I practically had to peel him off the ceiling.

upsideup · 12/02/2018 21:20

You sound very ungrateful and selfish.

Roseandmabelshouse · 12/02/2018 21:21

Also agree with others. I always send food with my little ones as my mum/mil will give them crap and I like them to have a healthy meal. It's tiring enough keeping them entertained so that's a big help for them to not have to worry about cooking.

Littlecaf · 12/02/2018 21:21

Sounds like a nice day for your kids! Let them enjoy time with the gps. They don’t need entertainment at every corner.

Flicketyflack · 12/02/2018 21:22

Please be grateful for what they do & as others have suggested send a packed lunch maybe?

My kids are 13 & 10 and my parents have never offered to take my kids anywhere during school holidays. EVER!

Be kind & grateful or give up work & look after them yourself 😉

RoomOfRequirement · 12/02/2018 21:22

So not only do you expect her to look after your DC but you also expect her to spend her day going out doing activities? Personally I can't imagine anything worse than trying to get a 4 year old to be quiet in a cinema and I'd have been pissed you expected me to.

You have options here. But telling her how to spend her time is not one of them.

YABU.

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