AIBU re expectations of grandparent looking after DC

[Grannydaycare]

So it’s half-term and my mum had our two children (4&7) for the day today as we were working. We live nearby but although she makes a big play of telling other that she enjoys seeing her grandchildren she never suggests doing anything with them. Her DH (not my DF) works full-time. I do realise it’s hard when you’re on your own but she’s reasonably fit and not particularly old.

Today she picked them up and went to the cinema (because I’d suggested it, checked where a film was on and given her times). They then popped into see some of her DH’s family before heading home to hers and basically watching tv for the rest of the day. There are a few toys/games there but DC aren’t really aware of them because she never suggests them. She also only fed them sweet snacks and they were really hungry when they got home. They did at least go out today but I don’t think it would have happened if I hadn’t planned it. I just feel that she doesn’t give any thought to what they could together and doesn’t do anything that gives her chance to get to know them. She’s very passive. But then I wonder if maybe I’m making an unfair comparison with my PiL who are the exact opposite and come up with interesting things to do that appeal to the DC’s interests.

So AIBU to expect my DM to give more thought to what to do with DC? What do your parents/PiL do if they have your DC for a one off day in the holidays?

(Ps I changed my username just in case)

This has to be a wind up.

I remember sitting for what seemed like hours in my Great Grans playing with two brass candle sticks, a brass camel and a box of buttons. I also used to follow the raised pattern of her sofa with my fingers.
You could go out side on the massive expanse of grass but you had to stick to the paths, if you set a foot on the grass and angry caretaker would appear and send you in!

The food thing's not great, but maybe she thought you would provide something so she wouldn't have to guess/cater to the children's taste in sandwiches fruit etc? That's what I would've done to save my folks the bother.

And I don't see the problem with cinema, visiting someone then chilling with the telly? Or why this means she hasn't "enjoyed" them? I don't take my kids on carefully planned ACTIVITIES!!!! every day and still enjoy them?

No need to keep saying IBU now. I’ve realised that I was and I’m going to relax about it more in the future. I’ve also realised that it’s really hard to get the subtleties of a situation across on aibu.

I didn’t pay for cinema up front but have since offered. I didn’t ask her to look after them - I told her there was a day when we’d be working and if she wanted to spend some time with them that’s might be a good option. I know it hasn’t come across in this post but I also really don’t like the trend to keep children busy all the time, it’s just I’d rather the not busy was at least partly colouring/reading/helping at home rather than just having a tv on all day.

I cant really understand what you have got to complain about op. I am a full time grandparent carer and today I have done pretty much nothing with them because they wanted a chill out day on playstations etc. They are being picked up later by family to go out for tea. I felt guilty.

However, I come across parents who do expect far too much from grandparents. One who I was talking to at the local park told me she was really fed up with her dm and why on earth couldn't she do as much as I did. What??? I saw her poor dm a while back struggling in town with her two year old who was throwing a full on tantrum on the floor of a shopping centre.

I was a grandparent at 39 but now I am in my fifties and boy does it make a difference. Sometimes as you get a bit older your drive and enthusiasm for small children wanes a bit. I know I did loads when they were around your childrens' age but they tend to do their own thing a bit more now they are older. Cut her a bit of slack op. It sounds as though she has a passive personality and she cannot change overnight into Mr Tumble.

How about not being ungrateful?

I didn't ask her to look after them -I told her there was a day when we’d be working and if she wanted to spend some time with them that’s might be a good option

So you dropped a huge hint that you have no childcare on a working day but it's ok as you didn't actually ask but likely rather made her feel she had no choice. On top of that you picked an expensive activity and didn't even book the tickets or give her money for them.

All under the guise of precious grandparents time .... hmm

Sorry not read the full thread but missed the part where you say how much you paid DM&F for childcare? If you paid the going day rate plus for activities and food then YANBU. If not you are being a completely obnoxious CF. When DD is cared for by friends/family (rarely, I hate to ask for help more fool me) all I request is ther DD is returned alive and well at the end of the day. I also send her with a purse full of money for any expenses (no one has ever used this to my knowledge but it's there if they want it).