If you had money to burn, would you use a surrogate?

[Hippiesip]

Say you're having difficulty TTC a second or third child, would you pay for an American surrogate if you simply didn't want to wait/go through the pregnancy?

I think I would. I loved creating my son but pregnancy was extremely difficult for me mentally and emotionally. I would rather not doing it again, but still growing our family.

I am struggeling with fertility treatments and one of my friends has offered to be a surrogate for me. I will only go through with it as a last resort. I don't find it ideal that someone else makes health decisions during pregnancy and birth. I am scared that she will be hurt. I am scared that the hormones will make her bond with the baby. I am scared to lose my baby. I amscared to lose my friend. I want DH to be at the birth of our child, I want to see his face when he first sees the baby, she won't want a birth with him looking up her foof (I haven't asked her but know her well enough). I'm not sure that she wouldbe comfortable with me there while she is pushing. In the country that I am in would have to adopt my own child although it is born via someone elses womb. I don't want that.

Surrogacy really is a last option. I'd rather go through a lot of pain and trouble myself

Mother as a concept is incredibly sexist

Just unbelievable.

I hope you're a man because another woman trotting that line out is just horrendous.

No - but I was a surrogate for my oldest childhood friend.

Maat both dads were at the birth of my surrobub. If you do decide to go ahead with your friend, ask her. She may surprise you

Yes i would, definitely.

Other surros I know have done several journeys already - one was desperate to be pregnant again just a week after having given birth to her 4th surro baby!

There's something more than a little odd about this. Would seem more of a compulsive behaviour than anything and quite troubling.

Mother as a concept is incredibly sexist.

ROFLOLING forever.

No, mother as a concept is biological reality. Children have mothers. Other than half a cell, the father contributes exactly nothing to a baby. Mothers build those babies out of 2 half cells entirely from their body's energy and resources.

Mother is not a "concept".

Those saying no to surrogacy, would you think differently if it was your only chance ever to have a baby? As in, not a lifestyle choice?

Those saying no to surrogacy, would you think differently if it was your only chance ever to have a baby? As in, not a lifestyle choice?

No, because I believe it is morally repugnant to treat women's bodies as commodities, be it for sexual gratification of men, or for reproductive gratification for others.

Women are not broodmares to be used to provide children for those who can afford it.

That i don't think it's all that odd, even outside of surrogacy. I know so many women who miss the feeling of being pregnant once their DC are born. I think what stops many is knowing they will have to cater for another newborn!

Idont so how do you view women like myself who are/were surrogates willingly?

I have don't judge women who are surrogates, or prostitutes, or who give up their children for adoption.

I judge those who buy women or their children to use.

But we're part of the 'problem' surely? If there were no women willing to carry a child for someone it wouldn't happen anywhere near as much as it does

Nope, women who do this are not part of the problem.

The people who think it's actually alright to ask the question in the first place are.

I love being pregnant and could totally believe that there are women who would go into surrogacy simply because they love pregnancy but don't want children of their own, plus the enormous joy they bring to others.

That said, on balance, it's still exploitative - especially when you're paying for it - it's exactly the same argument as with anything else, it will be a minority who do it because they love it, some, probably most, will do it out of financial need - and that is wrong.

The argument about "controlling what women do with their bodies" is bullshit, the same as when people wheel it out about prostitution. The reality is that if women want to do these things with their bodies (surrogate, have sex) nobody is banning that, what is banned is the exchange of money for such a process, which surely actually gives the woman MORE freedom to decide, since she is not likely to be exploited into doing it if nobody can make money from it.

I'd only use a surrogate if I was incapable of carrying without miscarriage but still had viable eggs that could be fertilized with my husband's sperm.

An American is a good choice for a surrogate though as long as her ass stays in America. I'd never use a surrogate here because the laws don't protect the rights of the biological parents.

Bertie in that case it's the government who ensure the exploitation of surrogates. When you go for your PO there is a lot of conversation about whether you made the choice yourself etc etc & CAFCASS want to know that the financial remuneration has been sufficient to cover your needs. Without evidence of this, IPs are accused of exploitation.

Average surrogacy costs in the UK were around £13k when I journied, with anything up to £17k being seen as reasonable if explained. My expenses were less than £8k (the cause of the one & only argument because i wanted to give some back) & i was grilled about why that amount was so low.

Does anyone on this thread have a clue how surrogacy works?
Having to adopt your own (biological) child.
A child possibly having no legal parent due to different laws.
Paperwork to bring them home. Possibly weeks to wait for a passport.
Traveling to go and get your newborn and then to bring them home (as an overseas adopter this is NOT simple).
Not getting any maternity leave.
Having to agree beforehand what would happen if anyone changes their mind or there are birth defects (in some cases leaving you without your child).

Another surrogate I know had expenses of £4k but her gay IPs helped her & her lesbian partner have a baby of their own by donating sperm. Win win for both sides...CAFCASS were all over that because the expenses were seen as too low

thatescalated yes that puts me in mind of unfortunate birth mothers who really cannot parent, having tried and failed, who have a child removed and become pregnant again within weeks only to have that child removed too.

DR some of those are non issues in the UK. You have to be residing in the UK to partake of surrogacy anyway. Passport takes no longer than a regular passport, IPs get the same maternity/paternity rights as ordinary parents (surrogates get maternity too). Travel is as far as the IPs & surrogate choose it to be.

If you're IPs using a surrogate in a different country things will be different. But then there is obviously a reason that the country of origin isn't desirable (or legal) so obviously hoops have to be expected

No fucking way. I don't have a problem with surrogacy when it's done for altruistic reasons and only genuine expense are covered, and I imagine for those involved it can be very rewarding.

But I feel very strongly about paying for surrogacy, especially outside the uk, because it takes advantage of vulnerable and often desperate women in the worst possible way. I know when I had dd I could have been told she was the biological child of a farm animal and I wouldn't have considered her any less mine. The idea a woman could feel this way at the last minute but have no say about keeping the baby sickens me like forced adoption. Or the idea a woman could knowingly enter surrogacy knowing she would feel that way, but feeling she has to for the sake of her other dc. I'd carve my own limbs off with a pen knife and sell them if it was the only way to ensure my dd's future, and many being paid for surrogacy will be doing it with that level of desperation.

I think paying surrogates from outside the uk should be a criminal offence in the same way buying organs is.

And I find it hard to reconcile the idea with the misery of infertility. Surely anyone desperate for a child should empathise with the predicament of anyone who is forced through desperation to hand over one they've carried for 9 months.

(Obviously none of the above applies to altruistic uk surrogacy)

mustbe the original question was about surrogacy in the US.

floriad

Take your chances yourself re having another child. Or don’t.

Surrogacy is unethical and immoral however you dress it up.

Those saying no to surrogacy, would you think differently if it was your only chance ever to have a baby? As in, not a lifestyle choice?

I couldn’t have children naturally. Surrogacy was a step too far for me, As was using a donated egg.