If you had money to burn, would you use a surrogate?

[Hippiesip]

Say you're having difficulty TTC a second or third child, would you pay for an American surrogate if you simply didn't want to wait/go through the pregnancy?

I think I would. I loved creating my son but pregnancy was extremely difficult for me mentally and emotionally. I would rather not doing it again, but still growing our family.

I got so much abuse from people for carrying for gay dads. Nobody questioned the surrogacy 😂

@stitchglitched. So sorry to hear that. I lost my mother as a child too. I had a great dad but no one can replace a mother.

As for the question...do I object to lesbians having a child using donor sperm? No I do not.

Motherhood is sacred. I hate to see women reduced to a biological inconvenience.

So you're of the opinion that mum's are more important to a child than dads? Sorry not meaning that to sound arsey, it kind of comes across a bit!!

So you're of the opinion that mum's are more important to a child than dads?

Yes, of course.

Or that women’s right to be a mother trumps a man’s right to be a father?

formerbabe

Why is fatherhood not sacred?

Also, the children of heterosexual couples have a mother. Surrogacy doesn't change that. Just like adoptive parents are the real parents.

I am very sorry for your loss.

But Idk if surrogacy can be compared to a mother dying during childbirth... I don't feel comfortable conflating these two scenarios.

I think the severance of a relationship with the woman who gave birth to you, either through bereavement or choice, is more likely to impact the child than not having a Dad around.

mustbemad

Getting abuse for carrying a child for gay men is so so wrong.

I just feel so uncomfortable with the idea of women reduced to baby vessels.

IDK.

It's a fucking minefield.

Or that women’s right to be a mother trumps a man’s right to be a father?

It does. That's biology. A single woman can become pregnant easily. A single man or two gay men cannot achieve parenthood as easily. It's not discrimination. It's a biological fact.

*of lesbian couples as well, obviously.

Yep Lana it is that! And fwiw i respect your opinion.

I dunno, I guess surrogacy can be aligned with adoption in that respect Stitched

No.

I believe people and their bodies are not commodities, that it is wrong to have a contract or feel entitlement over a woman's body and the baby she creates with it. I draw the line at renting another person's body and I wish society treated this as a type of purchased temporary slavery. In America I believe the commissioning parents literally have a legal entitlement over a woman and the baby she is carrying.

I don't judge the surrogate mother, any more than I judge any woman risking her life for financial or altruistic reasons.
I judge the people who find it acceptable to put another human though it.

Yes I can’t carry another child. First pregnancy awful couldn’t walk for 6 months,had to hold pelvis together everytime I turned over, nearly died giving birth. Left me with bad allegies and ptsd. Sadly I can’t afford it so will be sticking with my one and only.

It actually saddens me that people can't use surrogates because of cost. My IPs weren't rich by any means, but I know the process overall from start to finish cost them £10k. I was questioned by CAFCASS about my choices etc because our overall costs were low (we didn't use clinics or IVF etc so lower automatically). I sadly do know some surrogates that ask for a lot more than their overall expenses amount to - which backs up my opinion that actually IPs are more likely to be exploited here (UK)

But adopted children aren't issued new BCs are they? As a surrogate do you have to 'give up' the child for adoption or do you keep PR? Is the egg donor also registered somewhere? Sorry for the questions, I'm just quite shocked that the person who gave birth can be removed from a birth certifcate!

I have many issues with surrogacy that I've already outlined. There's also the fact that it is primarily the preserve of the wealthy, even in the UK, as the cost of multiple fertility treatments and even covering the expenses of a surrogate is not something you can do if you are on a lower income.

It seems that if you have significant means you can put them towards achieving parenthood but those of less means have to accept the devastating hand that fate has dealt them, without having the option of multiple fertility treatments or surrogacy. Parenthood is not a right given to all, painful as that is, unless you have money it seems. That may seem a very harsh statement to make, but it's true as far as I can see.

It's another form of prostitution. Some women maybe are happy to do it and doing freely; a lot aren't. It's dangerous, it can be mentally scaring and it makes women into products to be purchased. How long before women are trafficked in order to carry children for the rich?

formerbabe
You only have to spend 5 mins on many threads on here to realise that lot's of people would have been better off without their mothers around.

Mother as a concept is incredibly sexist.

Stitched please don't apologise for questions, i love people asking questions.

In my case it was my egg, so no issues there. I signed a parental order which is akin to an adoption order; once that was signed i lost any & all rights to her. Legally now i have no say over anything in her life. But she does know who i am. Her original BC is still accessible to her too.

In the case of egg donation the law changed here fairly recently, so that those who donated eggs know that they can be traced once a child turns 18.

Thanks for the answers, I assumed that surrogates were usually a 'carrier' with someone else's genetic embryo implanted.

There are two types of surrogacy, gestational & traditional. I was a traditional surrogate (TS) using my own eggs because i refuse to put myself & my DD through the crap of IVF. It's cheaper for IPs too as no need for clinics etc.

Gestational is using donor eggs or the eggs of the intended mother (IM). There has to be a biological link to one of the intended parents for surrogacy to be legal. Obviously this involves IVF & clinics...in the UK clinics most definitely do exploit the idea of surrogacy because the whack the cost of IVF up for surrogacy!!

@barrak but most employment gives the employer certain entitlements over an employee's body from the right to demand that an employee is physically present at the work place to demanding that they give samples for drugs testing. I can see what you mean of course, there is a very fundamental difference but I don't think it's so far off. If you can rent your body by the hour for the performance of specified tasks I don't see why you shouldn't be able to rent out your womb to host someone else's baby if you want to. Also slavery implies a complete absence free will. The word you are indentured servitude.

@Angelsins I'm fairly certain the surrogacy trafficking already exists in some countries hence the decision to ban surrogacy where it has been previously legal in some jurisdictions. Unfortunately labour happens across the board from prostitution to manual labour, banning it isn't a solution-if so we should ban cleaners as well. The solution is stringent regulation and legislating protections for all parties.

How long before women are trafficked in order to carry children for the rich?

This is already happening in a few countries.

That was a big issue in India. Many UK or US IPs were travelling over there specifically with that in mind. India successfully banned outsiders from coming into the country for the sole purpose of surrogacy.

That I totally agree with.

I wouldn’t pay someone else to go through the miserable 9 months I do, but I might consider it if they had already had children and said they found pregnancy a breeze and loved it? Our bodies are all different and some women do pretty well through pregnancy! I wouldn’t risk it for someone else without that kind of background as it would feel exploitative. Human rights aside I would have to think serously about the breastfeeding and the bonding with my little internal jumping bean as well.