Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

WWYD Moroccan lover

146 replies

DreamManOrScam · 12/02/2018 16:21

NC as outing. More WWYD than AIBU.

I have a dear friend who is very keen to settle down and have a family. Her Tinder profile says that she is looking for a husband and that she wants to have a baby. She is in her early forties.

In November she met a Moroccan man on Tinder and in January she visited him, in Morocco, for one night. She has not spent any more time with him in real life, but is planning to visit him at the end of February again. She has/will be paying for both trips. He is in his late twenties.

In the last fortnight, she has told me that they are engaged to be married and that she is working on his visa application. She believes they will be married within 4 months and that they will live in the UK. She would like to get pregnant as soon as possible.

She has told me that his English is not very good and that they have trouble communicating. She has asked him to sign up to English lessons and she believes he has started this. I know she has a team of colleagues who she has spoken to about him but she says that they are all being narrow minded about her decisions. I take that to mean they are expressing concern on her behalf. She has not listened to their advice.

My concern: that she has advertised herself as vulnerable and that someone has proposed incredibly because of this. I believe there's a good chance he would like a visa and that he thinks he can easily manipulate her into falling in love. Her family do not live in the UK and they do not have any concerns about this marriage (they have not met him). She cannot afford to raise a child on her own and would have to quit her job if she became a single mother. Of course, I could be being a worrywart and stereotyping.

I have tried encouraging a cautious approach but my advice is falling on deaf ears.

I really do not want her to be hurt. WWYD?

OP posts:
TorchesTorches · 12/02/2018 17:17

I only know one morrocan man, but he did get married to a European woman and divorced her immediately after he had his passport. I accept its not a huge sample!

NewYearNiki · 12/02/2018 17:19

TorchesTorches

I knew a New Zealand man who did it

Gemini69 · 12/02/2018 17:19

dear oh dear OP.... Flowers

ilovewelshrarebit123 · 12/02/2018 17:19

My SIL's friend did this, met a chap from the Caribbean, he fleeced her out of thousands and she fell for all of his false promises.

She didn't actually marry him but he broke her heart and once she stopped giving him money, he stopped contact. All her friends were too polite to say anything to her to. ☹️

BMW6 · 12/02/2018 17:21

Frankly she's being a fool.

hmmwhatatodo · 12/02/2018 17:21

Doesn’t your friend realise that she can easily find herself a Moroccan husband in London (who will probably still play her but at least she doesn’t necessarily have the visa costs and headache).

Pandoraphile · 12/02/2018 17:24

She should definitely suggest that she wants to live in Morocco! His reaction will speak volumes.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 12/02/2018 17:27

We have a family friend who bought himself a thai bride ... she now spends most of his income sending money home to her family - he's supporting around 7 of them. It's not quite what he imagined he was getting, let's just say

TBH I'm surprised it's only 7 relatives he's supporting; my employee it happened to found there was an almost limitless number of them Hmm

Oh, and as soon as he objected she skipped straight back to Thailand - probably to hunt for the next one

SilverySurfer · 12/02/2018 17:31

I worked with a young woman in a similar situation. They got married and after the ceremony and signings were over he said 'thanks, I only married you so I can stay in the country' walked out of the registers office and she never saw or heard from him again. She ended up being admitted to a psychiatric ward for some time.Your friend is likely setting herself for a whole pile of pain.

I also saw a tv programme about immigration officials, on two occasions they arrived at the register offices, took the grooms into custody and both were subsequently returned to their country of origin.

Would it help if you showed her this thread do you think OP?

floriad · 12/02/2018 17:31

I know someone that has met a Philippino woman under vaguely similar circumstances (Holiday abroad).

I went to law school with their daughter and they are honestly an adorable couple...

Yes, there are a ton of red flags imo. and it is unlikely to work out. But it could.

floriad · 12/02/2018 17:33

*filipino?

No idea how it's spelled in English tbh...

OlennasWimple · 12/02/2018 17:34

Your father's suggestion on reporting your concerns to the Home Office is not a silly idea at all - it's possible to do this anonymously

expatinscotland · 12/02/2018 17:34

I've known quite a few long-term couples who married and were refused a spousal visa initially. The visa is also very expensive and if your application fails, you don't get a refund. You have to re-apply and pay for it again.

Hillingdon · 12/02/2018 17:37

Is it really correct that you only need to show £18k of earnings? That sounds shockingly low.

I also have a colleague who married a Thai lady. He is 57 and she is early 20's. He did go out to Thailand a few times but her family are now milling around him and its not pleasant. He really thought the age difference was not an issue

TheAntiBoop · 12/02/2018 17:37

I also know someone who married for a visa and the guy walked out after the ceremony with her money never to be seen again. No husband - no visa. And shes legally married!

expatinscotland · 12/02/2018 17:38

'My SIL's friend did this, met a chap from the Caribbean, he fleeced her out of thousands and she fell for all of his false promises.'

Yeah, but if the OP's mate is on only £18,600 in London, he won't be able to fleece her out of much.

dingdongdigeridoo · 12/02/2018 17:40

I worked with someone who met a Turkish guy online. He completely lovebombed her at first, leaving love notes on her pillow and taking her on long romantic walks. Because of his visa, he couldn't work, so she supported them while he was a 'house husband' for a couple of years.

Despite her family being horrified, she married him, and well, it barely lasted six months before he basically ghosted her. Didn't divorce her or anything, just did a disappearing act. I left the job before there was a resolution to the situation, so I hope she managed to get a divorce and get her life together.

Maatsuyker · 12/02/2018 17:41

It's really harsh but I'm more and more wondering if there isn't something in "the fittest will survive" evolution theory. If at the beginning of her forties she is so absolutely brainless and foolish to go for the advantage-taking pretty young boy instead of a loving nerdy chubby guy down the street then maybe she shouldn't contaminate the gene pool by having babies.

Yes, it sounds harsh. But it's not really your problem, it's hers. Better to keep the friendship and help her pick up the pieces afterwards.

ginghamstarfish · 12/02/2018 17:43

Oh dear, hard to believe there's still anyone who falls for these men. Don't they read newspapers/magazines and see the many stories about this kind of 'relationship'? Sorry for your friend that she's so desperate to have a man and relationship but really this sounds like a huge mistake. I would sit her down and have a good talk, at the risk of ending the friendship. Sad.

notacooldad · 12/02/2018 17:45

35 years ago a friend of ours was in a similar situation as your friend. She did exactly the same thing. Everyone tried to talk her out of it but she ignored us all.
She is now the mother of 4 adult children and a grandmother of 5. Her Moroccan lover is now a well known and respected business man in our town who still loves her to bits and loves family life and always has the grandkids around. He is funny, charming and a good man.
You never know, maybe it could work. We were all proved wrong!!
( Our maybe our friend is the exception rather than the rule, who knows!)

woodhill · 12/02/2018 17:46

Sounds awful. Poor dc if she has one.

virtualreality · 12/02/2018 17:46

If it is so difficult to get a visa for the UK what the F is Brexit all about then. Lighthearted.

The poster above Ariela is spot on.

OPs friend must be a bit off her trolley on this one. No way to be any kinder really.

Curlyshabtree · 12/02/2018 17:48

Really, really hard to get a visa these days. Especially with the short amount of time they’ve been together. English is also now a requirement when issuing a visa.

Fintress · 12/02/2018 17:49

4teensandababy
Can you send her in the direction of Tunisian Love Rats? (google it)
I appreciate he's Moroccan, however, the stories on that site should certainly resonate with her (and hopefully open her eyes!)

I've just had a look at that site. OP your friend definitely needs to look at it. It even has a rogues gallery, he might even be in there.

www.tunisianloverats.com