To think my toddler isn't "showing signs of autism"? (Possible triggering)

[KleenexNeeded]

My DD is 2.8 and has a global developmental delay of 9-12 months, she's non verbal, has met all milestones including physical ones late. The paediatrician says she's showing signs of autism/ASD but I think he's wrong.

Sorry if this offends anyone. I'm just concerned I might have missed something.

These are the reasons why I believe the Paeds is wrong:

1. She goes to Nursery and although still in the toddler room and not the rising 3 room (2.5-3 room is Rising 3s) she is empathetic. If her friend falls over she'll go over, give him/her a cuddle and pat them on the back. Similarly MILs dog hurt her paw last week and DD sat in the dog bed with her stroking her face.

1. We have no issues with food. She eats everything, and doesn't actively dislike anything. She has the usual toddler fussiness of eating broccoli one week and hating it the next, but she goes back to liking it within a few days/weeks and she moves onto disliking something else. She eats a good amount, and is maintaining her weight.

1. Although non-verbal her understanding is fantastic. If you ask her to go and get a cup from the cupboard she will go and get her cup.

1. She sleeps at night. She wakes up 2-3 times a night but my understanding is this is normal for a toddler due to nightmares/being too hot or cold/needing a nappy changed etc She settles quickly when I go into her and has whole weeks where she doesn't wake me in the night at all.

1. She forms attachments with other people. She will smile if you ask her about her grandparents, friends at Nursery, keyworker etc. She will also give them hugs, or go to them for comfort if I'm not around and she hurts herself.

1. We have no behaviour issues. Nursery say she's well behaved and a pleasure to be around, they've used their behaviour policy on her once or twice a term since she started and they said that's not a huge worry as every child needs it using occasionally. At home she tantrums like a normal toddler but these last 2-3 minutes at most they may last 10 minutes which isn't excessive. Health Visitor has watched her tantrum she happened to be here when DD tantrummed over something once and says they're no extreme or anything to be worried about.

1. She has obsession but not to the point that she's not bothered by anything else. She's like any 2 year old, loves Peppa Pig, will happily watch it but if you give her a toy to play she's happy with that. She also has her favourite cuddly toy with her all the time but Nursery say that's normal and he (the toy is a boy, she gets upset if you say it or she when referring to it) sits next to her on a chair/against the wall while she colours/paints/does whatever and then she'll give him a quick cuddle as they move between rooms/activities, similarly at home she's happy for him to sit nearby while she plays/colours.

1. She is starting to develop an imagination. I know this will have been delayed due to the GDD, but she will put her dolls on the back of her unicorns and they'll go for a ride. She cooks us meals on the play kitchen, if you put a doll in the bath with her she'll give the doll a wash.

So MN am I way off the mark here and DD is actually autistic and I'm too blind to see it? Or is the Paeds wrong?

I accept that the paeds wants a cause for the GDD but in this case I'm not sure there is one, I think it's just one of those things.

Unmitigated The dog is so laid back she's almost horizontal MIL wouldn't have put DD at risk, she got bitten by another dog because she wouldn't play hence the injury.

I have Aspergers and know other women with it. It presents differently in girls than boys so the stereotype of Rainman/Sheldon Cooper is unhelpful.
If she was autistic, she may have learned that people who are hurt from people who aren't- or learned that it's a social rule by observing the adults in her life. Females with autism tend to be good at mimicking behaviour they've observed so seem less in need of help than males.
Nurseries are very free flow with adult supervision so if she was troubled by her surroundings, she could go elsewhere. Noise doesn't really trouble me (even handdriers when i was young) and my NT kids have more sensory issues than me. (One cuts out all labels out of clothes)

You have almost described my ds. The only difference is his speech is delayed rather than non verbal and he is behind his peers academically (about 2.5 years behind). He was diagnosed with autism aged 3.
He too shows empathy and has a great imagination.
Autism is a spectrum that also shows itself differently in girls. I would keep an open mind if I were you.

My DS2 almost 3 is undergoing various assessments for a speech/cognitive delay and sensory issues - he rocks, seeks out textures etc, is fascinated to an odd degree by books and prefers to look at grown up ones as there are more letters (we think).

The pediatrician doesn't think ASD based on his eye contact, flexibility when it comes to routine, cuddliness and response to purely verbal cues. Don't know if he's right or not, it'll all come out one way or another as we're seeing/scheduled to see two different type of psychologists, an OT, speech therapist and a CDN.

Is there anyone you can open up to about this, OP? I got upset when the CDN showed up with some appointments for DS2 and told her I felt overwhelmed and she was very kind to me. It feels shit to put your child under a microscope - I told my friend the questionnaires made me feel like I was listing my son's "defects", like I was betraying him. Of course I love my son and you your DD but all this is really emotional.

She sounds a lot like my ds who isn't diagnosed but going through the process.
I believe if he is autistic that it is very mild. Reason I'm wanting him to go through the process is so that he can get the right support if he is. And if he isn't then all the better.
IMO you should keep an open mind. The extra support won't do my harm but if you don't get it and she is autistic then it might! Good luck

SALT thinks she might have a language or speech disorder but has never mentioned Autism. I was a SALT. She may have a specific speech and language disorder where her comprehension is greater than her expressive language. Has the SALT given you any test scores?

OP does she have any words at all?

I don't know if your daughter has autism but I can tell you don't really understand autism at all. You seem to view people with autism as being robot-like with no emotions.

People with autism can be very different from each other and experience struggles in different areas. This comic explains it very well: themighty.com/2016/05/rebecca-burgess-comic-redesigns-the-autism-spectrum/

I also don't understand why a mention of autism would be triggering?

My son is 8 and has autism and shows lots of empathy - sometimes too much. For example, he got very distrssed when a friend tried to take a ladybird home from the park as he was worried about the ladybird's family missing it. He can't handle it if someone steps on a spider. He's collecting money for poor people at the moment because he feels sad for them - especially for the babies. He loves animals and wants all hunting in the world banned. If he sees someone is sad he tries to help them. Sometimes people with autism might misread social situations and fail to notice something so it can look like they lack empathy but really its just that they missed the social cue. Once it is explained to them they are fully capable of feeling empathy.

My son is very imaginative - more so than most children. He loves imaginative games. He has been like this ever since I can remember. His teachers have always talked about his exceptional imagination ever since he started school.

My son eats everything - all sorts of vegetables - there are only a rare few foods he doesn't like.

My son sleeps very well every night and always has.

My son forms attachments with people too like his grandparents and really loves them and asks to go to see them.

My son does have some behaviour issues - nothing major though. He cries loudly when he is upset but is learning to control this. I know other children with autism who are exceptionally well behaved and compliant.

My son didn't have obsessions at age 2 but at around 4 he became very interested in marvel superheros. He has a wode rande of interests now at age 8. He does like a few things that might be obsessions but he doesn't talk about them too much so I'm not sure.

'Mild' autism isn't a thing.

It's really not uncommon for autistic kids to skirt along the fringes of typical development before displaying enough outward signs for most people to see. Some very experienced clinicians will spot these signs quite early on and it is worth listening to them. Diagnostic 'pathways' can take upwards of 3 years and the assessments aren't traumatic at all, so it won't do any harm to go with the assessment. If she's not autistic then at least along the way she might benefit from some more thorough assessment and if she is at least you know as soon as possible. There really is nothing to be feared about the process.

Can I ask people's advice please? Is a strong dislike of very noisy crowds and of the colour yellow an indicator of autism? (Sorry this isn't what the thread is about, just thought someone might know). Thanks.

Asd is different in girls. My son has asd, can’t talk at six. He’s not classically Autistic. He definitely has asd but he ticks few boxes.
My older child was found to be borderline at 14. He is miserable and struggles emensly at school now. It’s all a bit late for him really. There’s no help for him, there’s very little help for my six year old.
All you do is get her into the right school. Dx comes wth very little real help in my experience.

Not RTFT but just wanted to let you know that ASD people can be incredibly empathetic. My ASD son is very cuddly and affectionate and sensitive to the moods of others. He also has a vivid imagination and was verbally precocious not delayed. But he had a lot of other delays, lots of processing problems, massive food issues and was awake pretty much all night long every night until he was about eight years old, so he did have more obvious indicators than your DD.

ASD is as varied as neurotypical behaviour ime, but it can also be a catch-all for medics who don't know what's up. Get second and third opinions.

Whatever the issues are or may be, your DD is the person they are, with all their charms and faults and strengths. A diagnosis won't change who they are or how much you love each other.

'Mild' autism isn't a thing.

Yep, its like saying someone is mildly pregnant.

Yup Fionne It's what my extended family say to their friends because they're embarrassed that my DS has autism.

I'm not embarrassed.

Can I ask people's advice please? Is a strong dislike of very noisy crowds and of the colour yellow an indicator of autism?
No not on it's own

it presents differently in girls than boys
No.
It may present differently in some girls.

I know and have worked with many girls who present just the same as their male peers with the same level of ASD.

Not what you want to hear but she sounds just like my autistic cousin at that age. She's a teenager now and has many friends :) autism is a spectrum anyway so don't worry it sounds like she's on the high functioning end (if she is on it at all).

I always feel sorry for parents of autistic girls who don't fit the 'masking' stereotype on these threads.
I know parents who have been incredibly distressed by the lack of acknowledgement of their children's autism.

None of the things you've said discount autism. I would be interested to know what things the paed thinks do indicate autism as it would have to be more than delayed speech.

TheFrstMrs my dd is exactly like that, presents classic ASD with no masking. That is why I think she got help so early as it was just so obvious. She is now in a special school doing really well.

My son is severly autistic and has learning disabilities at 2 though it wssent as obvious , as he gets older it becomes increasingly obvious to everyone , he can be very loving and cuddly to his family he isn't interested in children his own age .

I feel like that TheFirst all girls with ASD are like this! No they are not, so annoying. When you have seen one girl with Autism you have seen one girl with Autism. Wish my dd would mask, as it would make it easier for her to function in a NT world and mask her high anxiety.

I suppose I am far more used to the non MN stereotypical girls Aero because I was a portage worker for 8 years. I worked with under threes, mostly under twos, so the girls I saw were presenting exactly the same as the boys.
Those girls are invisible on social media.
Mind you, my DS has LDs as well as ASD and if I believed most of what I saw on-line I would think he was the only kid with ASD who isn't super intelligent.

My ds presented very much like this and was diagnosed at around two and a half. It was suggested by the diagnosing paed that the fact his receptive language was good might suggest his cognitive ability was unimpaired and so it has proved. He is academically able, gifted in some areas.
I think you think, like I did, that a dx of ASD would be “the end”! It’s not necessarily the case. The abilities she has will not vanish with a dx. What you will have is a key to some of the right help for her. Good luck.