Welcome to the People's Republic of Mumsnet

[GlitterUnicornsAndAllThatJazz]

Hello everyone.
Welcome to the People's Republic of Mumsnet. The republic is currently without a government, so we'll need to start getting organised.

I invite you to put yourself forward for any given position, taking care to elaborate on why you consider yourself suitable for the role.

I've currently appointed myself as Republic Designer, a temporary role that expires as soon as a President is elected.

Positions we will need to fill:
President
Vice President
Minister of Culture
Minister of External Affairs
Minister of Women
Minister of Snacks

Feel free to make your case for a role, propose new roles, and explore what other things we may need to put in place to become a well respected republic with international clout.

Perfect!

(Is that snappy enough)?

You can all be ministers. I however am the head of the mumsnet civil service. Ministers come and go but I shall be here being equally obsequious to each and every one of you.

I’ll need my budgets agreed now please.

Can I be Minister for Dogs and Other Furry Smelly Things?

damson You and I would have to work very closely together to ensure that my kittens become your happy cats. I am sure we would manage that, in the interests of all cathood.

I have consumed 12 gins in a row, devoured a kebab with chilli sauce on the way home and didn't vomit at all. Two cans of ice cold full fat coke and a bacon roll the next day sorted out the 'cloudy' feeling....

@TheNoseyProject
Ooh! /doffs cap/

I guess the president is the one to allocate your budget?

But we dont have one yet...

Is what they say true? Are we women less likely to put ourselves forward for Very Important Roles?

I suspect we will also need a Minister for MILs, a much maligned group.

Can I be Ambassador to the US?

@QueenoftheSilverDollar12
You've got the job. I'd like you to work closely with a Minister for Junk Food to come up with some state-recommended meal plans.

Actually, can I just be The Queen? (Lots of posh houses, frocks and lunches)

@geekymommy
It depends. What are your views on and experience of the US?

Thank you. I shall take the position very seriously. Can I interview and do extensive research on both posts now, please?

Can I be Minister for Ankh-Morpork?

Truth! Freedom! Justice! Reasonably-priced love! And a hard-boiled egg.

@FuzzyCustard
Im afraid that falls outside our jurisdiction. One does not simply "be" the Queen. And we're a republic. Please, just stick to kitten fulfilment and liaise with your adult cat colleague to achieve feline happiness.
Kind regards.

Oh no glitterunicorns I of course doff to you. (See, excellent obsequiousness!)

No president. I see. Well that does make me rather more powerful as of course the business of government must continue regardless. However, of course I hope we have one soon.

@TheNoseyProject
You seem to be steepling your fingers....

I appoint myself Minister of lost school jumpers. No one will doubt my role nor volume of work nor lack of success. I will travel extensively to compare notes with foreign ministers.

Good news! You don't need to worry about findings ministers for this and ministers for that anymore - I declare myself your highly esteemed (mostly benign) dictator! So no need to make any decisions, I'll just tell you all what to do.

Right, you lot. You can start by tidying up my house.

I would like to be the tea lady

Then i will get all the goss and inside secrets

Or should it be refreshments tsar

Oooh ill be that

I know its not a minister but the bribery opportunities will be awesome

@TheNoseyProject you'll need a Head of Propaganda Comms in your civil service. I can take on this role as I am excellent at Twitter, and I'm fairly sure I could design posters as long as you don't mind Comic Sans.

Fuck....a dictator.....this soon????! Where the FUCK is the president when you need one???!

@geekymommy
URGENT MEMO
Get Washington on the line and negotiate military backup ASAP please, we have a dictator on our hands. We're going to need tanks, nuclear weapons, anything they've got going.

Shotgun Minister for Cheeky Fuckers and Parking Cunts

@notcornflakes yes you’ll be, the permanent secretary at the ministry of meat products (where we manufacture the government’s porkie pies)

Ha. I'm glad you're pleased to see me. I assume that you are also very grateful, of course?

We definitely won't be needing a president. And certainly no queen.

Right, glad we've sorted that out.