Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

Should I LTB, ditch the friend, or both?

150 replies

ScotInExile · 08/02/2018 23:11

DH has no self control when it comes to chocolate/crisps/biscuits etc. so we just don't buy them very often as he will happily eat the whole packet before I've even had a sniff of them.

I was talking to a mutual friend about my craving for some lovely chocolate but that I was unwilling to buy it and bring it into the house as I knew DH would eat it all before I got a chance to even taste it. The next time I met up with mutual friend he kindly gave me a large bar of my favourite chocolate and suggested I should hide it from DH so I could nibble on it when I felt like it. So I put it in a cupboard that he rarely looks in and over a week or so just popped a little square in my mouth when I felt like it.

DH went for drinks with same mutual friend a couple of evenings ago and for some unknown reason mutual friend told him about my secret chocolate stash. DH came home and went through the cupboards looking for it, found what was left and ate it all. Now I have no chocolate. WIBU to LTB?

OP posts:

Livelounge · 09/02/2018 08:58

What a fucking childish dick! I feel very sorry for you OP.

KnittedBobbleHat · 09/02/2018 09:01

I'm a vegetarianI'd as likely eat a human toe. What a strange thought

Well it's not really. If you can control yourself around those sweets it's not that compulsive is it? They're still sweets. My point is that you are able to differentiate between sweets you can and can't have because you tell yourself they're not vegetarian. Why not try telling yourself you can't have your family's treats because they're not yours!

TathitiPete · 09/02/2018 09:05

@Groinyo

If you ever get hungry you could simply nibble on that giant chip troubling your shoulder.

FizzyGreenWater · 09/02/2018 09:09

Not funny at all.

It must be like living with an animal. A greedy gross dog sniffing around, or a pig.

I can't imagine how little respect I'd eventually have for my partner if I had to treat him like that- like a pet that can't be expected to understand so you work around it, as it can't be communicated with.

Your DD must be learning to see her father as something not quite the same as her mum. Very weird.

Itscurtainsforyou · 09/02/2018 09:13

I'm with other posters, get a stash of "diabetic " chocolate and let him scoff the lot. Maybe 48 hours stuck to the toilet will put him off.

Frankiewears · 09/02/2018 09:15

Anyone hoofing down someone else’s chocolate is a greedy, selfish arsehole. Buy your own you thief.

OP stop putting up with this shit. Firstly it is weird that live in a household whereby in order to access the things you like you have to be gifted. Your DH needs to be told there are boundaries. You could both have a stash and tell him that this is his but when it is gone he has to buy himself more if he wants more and absolutely not steal from others. Show him this thread if he needs a reality check.

It really annoys me when people bring on the victim act and bang on about fat shaming. Actually you can control it -you are the boss of you not some helpless being. Stop making excuses if you are a greedy git. Either you are comfortable with the outcome of that or not but please refrain from the whole helplessness mantra.

Shadow666 · 09/02/2018 09:20

I may be wrong, and I often am, but I think Groinyo may be projecting her own issues on this thread just a little. 🤔

CoraPirbright · 09/02/2018 09:21

There is something so strange about this - the way that he hoofed home, past all the shops, to deliberately unearth your chocolate and eat it all. Then its all part of a family joke......

I dont know - disordered eating/compulsion/abusive behaviour/just generally being an arsehol...not sure what it is, but it must be fuckng horrible to live with.

WotcherHarry · 09/02/2018 09:25

My ex husband used to do this. It drove me crazy. He was actually quite thin, but he would berate me for ever buying anything like pretzels/crisps/something that I specifically liked because it was a 'waste of money' but would go out of his way to eat something that was a treat for me, even if he didn't like it that much. My mum used to bring me some specific chocolate back from Australia, he moaned that they were horrible when I offered him one to try but then ate half of the fucking bag, and that happened a lot!

Branleuse · 09/02/2018 09:32

I dont understand why he would search out your chocolate every time and eat it all so you couldnt have any. Is it supposed to be funny? Why arent you allowed your own chocolate?

JingsMahBucket · 09/02/2018 09:37

@Shadow666 totally.

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 09/02/2018 09:46

If this was anything other than chocolate perhaps you'd see it for the odd controlling behaviour that it is. But maybe because it's 'just' treats it's not seen as that important

But it is odd behaviour. To specifically hunt out your stash?! To spend time hunting it down when he could have just spent that time going to the shops and buying his own. To eat his own daughters chocolate to the point where she has to hide everything. You must see that this isn't normal.

Bekabeech · 09/02/2018 09:47

Sorry - I know you think this is lighthearted - BUT I couldn't live like that. Where someone in my house thought they had a right to take something of mine without asking and use it up!
My DD sometimes sneaks a squirt of my perfume but she wouldn't use the last of it. None of the DC or my DH would eat my chocolate, they wouldn't even ask for one from a box of chocolates but wait to be offered.

This is basic manners.

What you are showing your DD is that your stuff (and hers) can be taken by Dad at anytime. Therefore you (and her) are of far less value.

elisenbrunnen · 09/02/2018 09:49

Weird. My dp has little impulse control, and will eat a whole bar of choc, or packet of biscuits - but not mine!

He'll scoff his and hope for some of mine, but he'd never steal someone else's.

Your dP steals. From the people he is supposed to love

ginch · 09/02/2018 09:55

Buy your own chocolate and find a better hiding place OP.

Problem solved.

DarkPeakScouter · 09/02/2018 10:06

Holy moly

user1andonly · 09/02/2018 10:15

This sounds like he was after revenge. He didn't like that OP had talked to his friend about what a selfish, greedy arse he is so decided to punish her by scoffing the secret chocolate.

I could just about understand him eating a bar that's been sat on full view in the cupboard for weeks while OP daintily nibbles a tiny bit every now and then (I used to have a flat mate who would do this with Easter eggs!)

I could also probably forgive him if he was sat at home peckish late at night, knew OP had a stash somewhere and went looking with the intention of replacing it asap (as I sometimes did with my flatmate's Easter eggs!)

Scoffing everything in sight the minute it comes through the door is bizarre behaviour for an adult though and deliberately seeking out her stash when he could have easily bought himself something on his way home is just nasty.

Ihatemarmite123 · 09/02/2018 10:19

Find a better hiding place!

Smeaton · 09/02/2018 10:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

ScotInExile · 09/02/2018 10:36

Wow, some extreme responses here! I think this is the first time I’ve posted my own thread here and it’s really interesting to read what others extrapolate from limited information. I now have a new understanding of how some threads take an interesting turn.

There’s a little truth and a lot of assumptions among your replies. It’s lighthearted as it’s only a bit of chocolate and I’m only slightly irritated as it’s not difficult to get more if I want some, which I rarely do. He’s not an arsehole but is rather selfish at times but i agree it’s completely disrespectful to just help himself to my secret stash. He’s been sternly warned not to raid DD’s sweets after the Easter bunny incident of 2015!

I grew up with older brothers who regularly pinched my stuff which was upsetting as a child so he understands that there are certain things that are off limits if I tell him so. He does respect that, mostly, but a bit of chocolate isn’t enough to break a marriage. I think he thought it was a bit funny, a bit of a challenge heightened by his slight inebriation, to find the hidden chocolate.

Anyway, he brought me home some replacement chocolate AND wine this evening (and hasn’t dared to touch it) so all is well.

OP posts:

ButchyRestingFace · 09/02/2018 10:37

Op cant have chocolate for herself and there is a girl living in a house with a dad so unable to control himself that she has to hide her sweets.. Its pathetic, he needs to grow up or the op needs to shove a boot up his arse.

Yes, the onus isn’t on the adult man to control himself or seek help to do so but on a child to tie herself in knots keeping ‘temptation’ out of the man’s way by hiding her possessions. And watch her mother do the same.

Can’t imagine what boundary issues this child may grow up...

UnsuspectedItem · 09/02/2018 11:01

I grew up with older brothers who regularly pinched my stuff

Being used to people nicking your stuff doesn't means it's okay.

UnsuspectedItem · 09/02/2018 11:03

He does respect that, mostly, but a bit of chocolate isn’t enough to break a marriage

It's not just a bit of chocolate though, is it? It's an environment where a child has to hide her sweets so her Dad doesn't steal them. It's an environment where you've admitted to limiting things that you want, because he will take them from you.

You've admitted he's selfish in other ways too, perhaps you need to take a step back and be honest about whether he's a nice guy.

elisenbrunnen · 09/02/2018 11:44

It's not a 'bit of chocolate' though, is it? And these are not 'extreme reactions' - they are quite reasonable reactions to someone who is selfish enough to actively look for, and take, and eat, your treats. And your daughters.

It's sad that he needs to be 'sternly' told NOT to steal from him daughter. And from his wife.

What's that article - 'she divorced me because I left my cup on the side'? It's the little, the tiny things, that show a lack of respect, appreciation and love.

elisenbrunnen · 09/02/2018 11:48

And yes, it's 'just' chocolate and you could get yourself some more if you want - but why should you, when someone has gifted you some?

And why the fuck doesn't HE buy his own if he desperately needs to eat some chocolate?

As a pp said - why is the onus on everyone else to control him?

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Swipe left for the next trending thread