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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Should I LTB, ditch the friend, or both?

150 replies

ScotInExile · 08/02/2018 23:11

DH has no self control when it comes to chocolate/crisps/biscuits etc. so we just don't buy them very often as he will happily eat the whole packet before I've even had a sniff of them.

I was talking to a mutual friend about my craving for some lovely chocolate but that I was unwilling to buy it and bring it into the house as I knew DH would eat it all before I got a chance to even taste it. The next time I met up with mutual friend he kindly gave me a large bar of my favourite chocolate and suggested I should hide it from DH so I could nibble on it when I felt like it. So I put it in a cupboard that he rarely looks in and over a week or so just popped a little square in my mouth when I felt like it.

DH went for drinks with same mutual friend a couple of evenings ago and for some unknown reason mutual friend told him about my secret chocolate stash. DH came home and went through the cupboards looking for it, found what was left and ate it all. Now I have no chocolate. WIBU to LTB?

OP posts:

Passthecake30 · 09/02/2018 07:13

Get some 85% + chocolate and hide it not bet well. Once he scoffs it all and lives on the loo he might well regret it!
Who does the shopping? Can he get his own stash? I do all the shopping here but I do support my dps sweet tooth with a couple of treats as if he had absolutely nothing he'd be scratching at the cupboards...

KnittedBobbleHat · 09/02/2018 07:17

He will often take to buying Haribo type sweets as I can't have them because I'm a vegetarian.

You have some self control then if you can stop yourself scoffing those sweets

JingsMahBucket · 09/02/2018 07:24

@Groinyo
Dh can do the exact same thing as the OP buy a bar of chocolate or small tub of ice cream and then eek it out for weeks. Meanwhile, it's absolutely driving me mad knowing it's there.

And...? The responsible thing to do would then be to walk down to the corner shop and buy a similar item that’s driving you crazy and eat it.

THAT is what makes the OP’s husband a dick. He deliberately bypassed all the stores, corner shops, and petrol stations on the way where he could’ve bought chocolate and feverishly eaten some afterward. He wanted HER chocolate, out of spite. That takes it beyond disordered eating and into full abusive disrespect.

Do you understand now?

ApacheEchidna · 09/02/2018 07:29

I don't think you are taking this seriously enough.

It's unloving, selfish disrespectful behaviour. It's unacceptable for him to behave like this. It's crap parenting from both of you to be teaching your daughter that this is reasonable.

He has money and legs. If he needs chocolate he can go to a shop and buy chocolate. You should have the right to access chocolate when you want. He can bloody buy you 2 new bars to replace what he nicked.

NoSquirrels · 09/02/2018 07:40

Being able to get through a petrol station without licking the sweet stand doesn't mean I could handle it in the house for weeks at a time.

But the OP says he went for drinks then “came home and went through the cupboards looking for it”.

The chocolate he knows the friend bought his wife and told her to hide precisely because he might eat it AGAIN.

Not being able to handle the temptation over weeks of random sweets from a party bag or biscuits in the cupboards- meh, irritating but not such a big deal.

Having to consume the stash he’s found out about immediately- worrying compulsion.

givemesteel · 09/02/2018 07:42

I think the fact that it has turned in to a running joke in your household is the issue, it trivialises the fact that your dh doesn't respect yours or your DD boundaries.

As pp said he would scoff a chocolate bar he found in a cupboard at work (presumably) as he knows that's socially unacceptable.

As for him coming straight home to search for your chocolate stash, that is further evidence that he sees this as a game / joke. If he was out with this friend he could have bought himself a chocolate bar on the way home, but no, he had to deprive you of your chocolate.

givemesteel · 09/02/2018 07:43

wouldn't scoff a chocolate bar he found in a cupboard at work

ChasedByBees · 09/02/2018 07:52

I don’t know how you can think this is lighthearted. He knew you had some chocolate. Presumably this made him want some but rather than get his own (very easy to do), he had to hunt for yours specifically, knowing you’d hidden it to keep it from him.

It does sound like a deliberate ‘fuck you’ to you.

WeeMadArthur · 09/02/2018 07:52

If I were you I’d buy some laxative chocolate, make sure to leave it with no identifying wrapping and wait. Also find somewhere else to put your stash as pp said and have a word about why your DH feels he has the right to eat food that was specifically yours and hidden, there is no excuse for that.

Shadow666 · 09/02/2018 07:55

He might have done it as he thought he was being funny, but actually went a bit too far. Or perhaps he has an eating disorder, or perhaps he's abusive. I don't know. But I do agree that making a joke about his behavior isn't good as it's normalising his behavior both for him and for your daughter. He needs to be told that his behavior is unacceptable and upsetting. He needs to sort himself out and buy you some new chocolate, apologise and never behave like this again.

BrownTurkey · 09/02/2018 07:58

He does have self control, because he has not gone searching for dds. In respect for her being upset.

LaContessaDiPlump · 09/02/2018 08:06

He's a bit weird, isn't he?

Having said that, I buy wine (vegan wine, 'cos I am) and hide it in the house so DH doesn't find it and guzzle it. He knows I do this, and doesn't go looking for it, and often buys his own - however if mine were left out he'd drink it 'cos he's lazy.

The scenario you describe indicates that he's not lazy so much as pathologically greedy and unable to let you have things that are just for you. Also, wouldn't you be ashamed to have a mutual friend laughing about how they advised your wife to hide food from you 'cos you're such a greedy bastard? Most people would be embarrassed AF.....

expatinscotland · 09/02/2018 08:10

He's a twat and you're minimising. He's a disrespectful arsehole. He does this to your daughter, too, ffs. Bet you London to a prick he doesn't go rooting round the fridge and cupboard at work looking for other people's sweets and crisps and snaffling them. It's only you and your DD he does that, too.

Groinyo · 09/02/2018 08:12

you have some control if you can stop yourself eating those sweets

I'm a vegetarian 😆 I'd as likely eat a human toe. What a strange thought

Bowerbird5 · 09/02/2018 08:14

I'd be very tempted to make some chocolate with a laxative mixture inside them. Leave a tiny bit of packaging sticking out so they look hidden and watch the fun!

Bindibot · 09/02/2018 08:21

It's almost like a compulsive need to be the only one in the house who can get nice food.

I agree with this, it's not lighthearted, it's mean and selfish and teaching your daughter that Daddy get's to take nice things that were given to her and its funny ......not

Groinyo · 09/02/2018 08:25

And...? The responsible thing to do would then be to walk down to the corner shop and buy a similar item that’s driving you crazy and eat it.

Imagine what you said but replace it with an alcoholic trying to avoid booze. You'd suggest the responsible thing would be buying your own booze?

Hiding the thread because it's the typical MN fat bashing thread. People over eat cause they're greedy selfish and abusive bastards not to do with addiction

sophie428 · 09/02/2018 08:29

I have similar issues with chocolate as your DH. However I atleast try not to eat other ppls. It sounds like he basically believes if its in the house he has all rights to it. not on.

expatinscotland · 09/02/2018 08:31

'Imagine what you said but replace it with an alcoholic trying to avoid booze. You'd suggest the responsible thing would be buying your own booze?

Hiding the thread because it's the typical MN fat bashing thread. People over eat cause they're greedy selfish and abusive bastards not to do with addiction'

It's not booze, though, it's his wife's and daughter's treats and he's not fat.

iklboo · 09/02/2018 08:34

There's no fat bashing. The DH isn't fat. He's just an arsehole. Ex-p used to do the same. If I got chocolates for my birthday from anyone he'd take them off me and eat them himself. I'd have to pretend I'd enjoyed them if the giver asked.

When DH is drunk he'll have some of DS's chocolate but always replace it and never anything special like an Easter bunny or chocolate Santa.

QueenofallIsee · 09/02/2018 08:41

Sorry but i don't think that this is funny at all. That your husband would immediately tear your house apart just because he knows you have something that he doesn't is horrible. Indicative of being a dickhead rather than disordered eating

Your mate probably thought (as you do) that this was a bit of a laugh. I don't think it is.

NotReadyToMove · 09/02/2018 08:50

I would be really pisses off if H was doing anything like this.
I mean, it’s not that he actually stumbled in the chocolate. He KNEW it was yours, KNEW it was a gift and he still PURPOSELY went looking for it.
Why on earth did he not just buy one for himself?!?!?

floriad · 09/02/2018 08:50

I will admit, I have very little control around chocolate.

But usually aroubd "my" or around "common" chocolate.

Even as a little kid (and I was an impulsive, non-diagnosed ADHD kid. Not an excuse, but trust me, my impulse control was truly shitty as a child....), I don't think I've ever just eaten somebody else's gift. I might have been tempted to take a nibble of my mother's fancy chocalate, but just eating the whole of it...?

Idk.

Does your husband often just use your things / take your things?

NotReadyToMove · 09/02/2018 08:52

I dont think that’s greed either. If it was he would just go and buy some (I know I would).
For me, he is showing a total lack of respect for you and your things.

WaxOnFeckOff · 09/02/2018 08:55

Why is your DH behaving like a child and why are you mothering him?

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