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AIBU?

Should I LTB, ditch the friend, or both?

150 replies

ScotInExile · 08/02/2018 23:11

DH has no self control when it comes to chocolate/crisps/biscuits etc. so we just don't buy them very often as he will happily eat the whole packet before I've even had a sniff of them.

I was talking to a mutual friend about my craving for some lovely chocolate but that I was unwilling to buy it and bring it into the house as I knew DH would eat it all before I got a chance to even taste it. The next time I met up with mutual friend he kindly gave me a large bar of my favourite chocolate and suggested I should hide it from DH so I could nibble on it when I felt like it. So I put it in a cupboard that he rarely looks in and over a week or so just popped a little square in my mouth when I felt like it.

DH went for drinks with same mutual friend a couple of evenings ago and for some unknown reason mutual friend told him about my secret chocolate stash. DH came home and went through the cupboards looking for it, found what was left and ate it all. Now I have no chocolate. WIBU to LTB?

OP posts:

Report

NoSquirrels · 09/02/2018 02:39

Weird. Not necessarily the “eating your chocolate” bit, but the obsessed rooting through all the cupboards and hiding places to find that particular chocolate that might.

My DH has form for eating the treats meant for others. But the timing etc I’d find deeply concerning.

Weird.

PoHara1 · 09/02/2018 02:46

I specifically buy chocolate I know dp hates. Night before grocery shopping, I'm sitting surrounded by yummy chocolate, while he ate all of his in about an hour, is deep in the stages of chocolate withdrawal, and I can't share cos he doesn't want it anyhow.

Clandestino · 09/02/2018 03:00

DH has a sweet tooth. My chocolate lasts forever because I eat sweet stuff very rarely. I was still pissed he ate my Milka Triolade which is my crappy sweets sin.
That said, he then bought me the Charbonnel et Walker salted caramel pralines and didn't touch them evdn though I offered to share.
So honestly I would expect him to buy you a replacement chocolate and stay away from it.

gowernotthegower · 09/02/2018 04:45

Get some sugar free Haribos. He will never EVER do it again if the Amazon reviews are anything to go by!

Groinyo · 09/02/2018 05:20

I'm your DH

I'm really not a cunt

It's a binging sort of thing, and not at all dissimilar to someone with an alcohol addiction looking for any alcohol in the house. I am very overweight though. It doesn't sound like your DH is otherwise a knob right and trying to take nice things from you? He just can't live knowing there's chocolate in the house he could be eating? Dh hides sweets, I'm embarrassed to admit. I try not to eat them He will often take to buying Haribo type sweets as I can't have them because I'm a vegetarian.

ButchyRestingFace · 09/02/2018 05:38

He ate a whole chocolate bunny of hers at Easter a few years ago which made us both extremely pissed off and is what led to her hiding her sweets from him now.

Did you post about this at the time? If it wasn't you, there is another poster on these boards with a similar predicament.

As for your friend, he probably couldn't have predicted that

a) you wouldn't have eaten the chocolate by now
b) that your husband would have come straight home and started rifling through the cupboards to find your stash

I think his behaviour shows a complete lack of respect for you. It's one thing if you're willing to put up with this, but your kid is going to grow up remembering that she had to hide presents from her father lest he take them for himself. Lovely.

Groinyo · 09/02/2018 05:41

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3163326-To-help-the-kids-eat-their-Xmas-chocolate-Theres-tonnes-left

Funny enough on another thread the OP is being told to eat her kid's chocolate

Groinyo · 09/02/2018 05:43

I think his behaviour shows a complete lack of respect for you

Unless it's part of a wider pattern it doesn't show that at all.

It shows disordered eating.

Shadow666 · 09/02/2018 05:58

That's such a weird thing to do. Someone tells your husband that you've hidden your chocolate because it's your favourite and don't want him to eat it - so he goes home and immediately looks for it and eats it.
That's just fucking confused
It's almost like an up yours - you think you can eat chocolate without me!
Fucking odd, seriously.

***

This!

I'd buy a big bar of chocolate and sit and eat it in front of him and refuse to share.

Groinyo When someone gets to that stage, they need to get themselves help. It's not normal. And I say that as a chocolate lover.

Groinyo · 09/02/2018 06:04

Groinyo When someone gets to that stage, they need to get themselves help. It's not normal. And I say that as a chocolate lover.

And anorexics are just chocolate haters right? The Op has given us nothing to go on that her husband is otherwise a twat, so yes, this is disordered eating and not about being a "chocolate lover" for fuck sake.

If Op's husband is otherwise a cunt she should start with that rather than he eats all my sweets.

Mossbystrand · 09/02/2018 06:04

I would very carefully measure out 3 capfuls of milk of magnesia (check he's not allergic or anything otherwise you might end up a widow) and it into a mug of minty hot choc for him. It's very important that it's mint hot choc to disguise the minty flavour of milk of magnesia. It will give him the runs, it'll totally clear his bowels out and keep him on the loo all day. He won't even think about eating & then I'd cheerfully tell him that it must be something that he ATE.

Milk of magnesia is used to treat long term constipation so is safe as long as you follow the label.

Groinyo · 09/02/2018 06:06

And now I am getting diet advertising on the side of MN. Thank you internet.

He won't even think about eating & then I'd cheerfully tell him that it must be something that he ATE

Yes, that would be normal behaviour.

Mossbystrand · 09/02/2018 06:09

No it's not normal behaviour but sometimes you've got to fight fire with fire. It was meant light heartedly but on a more serious note, the man needs some kind of counselling because his relationship with food is skewed.

UnsuspectedItem · 09/02/2018 06:10

Being greedy enough to clear out the house of sweet things is pretty bad, but OK fine.
But actively searching for a present known to be kept a secret is just utterly disgusting. Not only is it beyond greedy, its selfish and massively disrespectful.

I know you say light hearted but tbh unless he has some seriously redeeming features, I'd LTB. It's not about the food, it's his attitude towards you and your possessions.

Groinyo · 09/02/2018 06:10

I assumed it was lighthearted until I saw the "safe to use comment after".

on a more serious note, the man needs some kind of counselling because his relationship with food is skewed

^this is probably accurate

Shadow666 · 09/02/2018 06:14

And anorexics are just chocolate haters right? hmm The Op has given us nothing to go on that her husband is otherwise a twat, so yes, this is disordered eating and not about being a "chocolate lover" for fuck sake.

If Op's husband is otherwise a cunt she should start with that rather than he eats all my sweets.

I can't understand your point. I didn't say he was a twat. I said if he was addicted, then he needed to get himself help. You mentioned about alcoholics rummaging through cupboards, but that isn't normal behaviour either. I love chocolate but I would never steal my kid's special choclate. I would never rummage through the cupboards for a partner's special chocolate that I knew they'd had to hide from me. It's disturbing behavior.

UnsuspectedItem · 09/02/2018 06:18

I'm sorry but if he truly had a problem then he'd be buying junk food himself and scoffing all that too. He'd be coming out of the petrol station/supermarket laden with sweets (they're not exact invisible) as he cannot control himself.

But he doesn't. Instead he steals food from his family. I have no idea what it is, but it's not an out of control craving. It's almost like a compulsive need to be the only one in the house who can get nice food. Thus why he badgers his daughter for sweets, that sounds like jealousy.

What grown adult asks their child for their sweets when they can buy their own?

It's truly ugly behaviour, and really quite disturbing.

pictish · 09/02/2018 06:20

I agree with others that this was a weird, disrespectful thing for him to do. He went home to find it and eat it immediately did he? What the fuck is wrong with him that he can’t see you have a bar of chocolate that he doesn’t know about and that he has to take charge of by eating?

It wasn’t about the chocolate because there are shops...it was about making sure you didn’t have it.
What an absolute arsehole.

NotSureThisIsWhatIWant · 09/02/2018 06:21

I’m just surprised that chocolates and sweets can last for that long in your house.

Perhaps I’m like your husband but I don’t steal chocolate that does not belong to me

UnsuspectedItem · 09/02/2018 06:23

You know, being a wanker is far more common than having a serious debilitating eating disorder.

Mental health, learning difficulties etc are trotted out far too often as excuses for being a twat. Which is incredibly insulting to those with genuine issues.

Groinyo · 09/02/2018 06:36

I'm sorry but if he truly had a problem then he'd be buying junk food himself and scoffing all that too. He'd be coming out of the petrol station/supermarket laden with sweets (they're not exact invisible) as he cannot control himself.

I don't. I avoid buying these things because I know I will be tempted at some point and would eat them all. Being able to get through a petrol station without licking the sweet stand doesn't mean I could handle it in the house for weeks at a time. OP has said they avoid keeping the things in the house because he will eat them. He doesn't only eat her things. He eats all the things. Dh can do the exact same thing as the OP buy a bar of chocolate or small tub of ice cream and then eek it out for weeks. Meanwhile, it's absolutely driving me mad knowing it's there. And yes, it is a problem, and yes, I am seeking help.

Mental health, learning difficulties etc are trotted out far too often as excuses for being a twat. Which is incredibly insulting to those with genuine issues.

Unless you are someone with those issues and see people calling people who clearly have similar traits being called a twat. Which is actually very insulting.

It is no different to keeping alcohol and or cigarettes around someone with an addiction. I really wish we could see eating disorders the way we see other addictions.

ArchchancellorsHat · 09/02/2018 06:41

This is so strange. He came home from where ever he met the friend, probably past shops and garages that sell chocolate and a wide selection of sweets, and turned the house upside down to look for the one thing that you had - because he felt so entitled to it. And your daughter has to lock her sweets up because he'll steal from her too.

Your DH is a selfish knob. Is it just with sweets, or is he usually a dick?

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Quickerthanavicar · 09/02/2018 06:42

Exlax chocolate?

UnsuspectedItem · 09/02/2018 06:50

Groinyo sorry but I'm really struggling to have sympathy with the concept of someone knowingly depriving their loved ones of nice things due to their own compulsion to consume them for themselves.
Should they receive support? Yes.
Should their behaviour be tolerated? No.

If a Kleptomaniac was arrested for theft, they're not going to be let off scot free because they have a disorder.

Dancinggoat · 09/02/2018 06:57

He sees it his right to take your things like you have no right to it or he is more important !!!

Where's the lighthearted part of that.

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