Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Missing him

143 replies

Lilmis · 07/02/2018 16:35

Hubby had been australia for a week and still another week to go. Never been apart in 13 years apart from once. The children and I are missing him like crazy. I cried the first 5 days and so hve the children. Is this normal or am I being ott!!

OP posts:
Getoutofthatgarden · 07/02/2018 19:57

I'd rather my DC grew up wanting to be in a relationship with someone they really love and would miss when they are not together than a relationshop like some pp's who suggest they either dont notice hes gone or love it when their DH's are away because they can eat/do what they want

Nah screw that. I'd rather they were in a relationship with someone they really love but could be independent enough to cope with missing them and were comfortable being on their own, knew how to chill out and entertain themselves.

MrsMaxwell · 07/02/2018 19:58

Duggeedancer

Truly - is he above or below...?

Duggeedancer · 07/02/2018 20:01

Mrs Maxwell

Below Sad - worst kind I think. What about your DH?

MonumentalAlabaster · 07/02/2018 20:01

MrsMaxwell if they are in the forces, then it's unavoidable isn't it?

NerrSnerr · 07/02/2018 20:02

There's a difference between missing someone but getting on with it and making the best of it or missing someone and crying and possibly transferring that over to the children.

My husband is away at the moment, it'd be nice if he was to cook my tea. But I can watch whatever I want on telly and I'll appreciate him more when he's home!

MrsMaxwell · 07/02/2018 20:05

Duggeedancer

Oh yes the same - it’s rubbish!! Gin

MrsMaxwell · 07/02/2018 20:07

MonumentalAlabaster

MrsMaxwell if they are in the forces, then it's unavoidable isn't it

That wasn’t the point ... I was saying to the OP that chin up and bear down some ladies have it so so much worse than two weeks where they can phone, email, Skype etc Wink

MrsMaxwell · 07/02/2018 20:07

*Smile

Isadora666 · 07/02/2018 20:08

I'd be crying at being left to look after the kids alone but if they all cleared off for a couple of weeks I'd be estatic! 😁

MonumentalAlabaster · 07/02/2018 20:10

Yes MrsMaxwell I agree - anyone who cries that easily is going to find life pretty hard and should try to toughen up

littlepeas · 07/02/2018 20:11

I used to find it really hard when my dh was away (and yes, I did cry), but I have gradually got used to it and now I don't mind at all Grin. I go away myself in and out too!

AccidentallyRunToWindsor · 07/02/2018 20:14

Sorry , it's a bit of a 'get a grip' from me but I grew up in a naval household and my ex was RAF.

He's not dead, just away. He will be back. Enjoy your free time- I bloody would!

DaisyDrip · 07/02/2018 20:44

I'd love to have to wait a week to see my DH again. As it is, I've had to accept that unless it turns out there is an afterlife I'll never see him again.

AlexaAmbidextra · 07/02/2018 20:47

The neediness demonstrated in some of these posts astonishes me. I would hate to be so dependent on another person that I was in tears when they work an overnight or evening shift. Seriously dysfunctional imo. Hmm

freddiemercury · 07/02/2018 20:48

I put clean sheets on the bed so I can realky appreciate the starfishing!!!!

fusushumi · 07/02/2018 20:51

My DH used to travel a lot for work but there was only one rather long absence in the run-up to Christmas when I cried. Our DD age 3 was missing him a lot. A Christmas card came in the post with a Madonna & child image on the front - she studied it and our conversation went as follows:

DD: Who's this?
Me: It's Jesus and his mummy
DD: Where's his daddy?
Me: He's not in the picture
DD: Maybe he's away for work

This was a little bit funny but also a little bit sad. I also overheard her role-playing his departure with her dolls - "Be a good girl for mummy" etc etc which broke my heart

Trashboat · 07/02/2018 22:37

My husband has to work some lates each week. I cry when he does

Holy crap! Really? You cry a few nights each week when your husband is on a late???

I think you may need some professional help, because that is just not right.

BanyanTree · 08/02/2018 06:47

To the people saying they love it when DH is away because they get to eat what they want and do what they want not get to do that otherwise? No wonder you dont miss him

My DH is actually pretty fabulous and I love him very much. We have been together for 24 years, married for 18. I consider myself very lucky to have met someone like him. When we lived overseas he was away half of the month and I had 2 young DC. We actually joke that as soon as he walks out the door something goes wrong or someone gets ill because it does happen. If I hadn't learned to cope without him our life would have imploded by now.

So jokes aside, I don't think losing the plot when your DH is a good thing for ether you or your DC when they are away. You are the adult and you need to show your DC you can cope when things are not running smoothly in your family.

dontbesillyhenry · 08/02/2018 07:22

There are some right wet blankets on here at the time. I mean the person banging on about missing her husband if he's not there at night because she's 12 weeks pregnant? So what??? Does that make you feel even more dependent? Very very odd

Foreverlexicon · 08/02/2018 07:38

I missed my ex like this when we were apart.

When we broke up I was in pieces and poorly for a long time.

I have a much healthier relationship now, thankfully. We basically don’t see each other 4-5 days a week now as i’m working a lot of late shifts and she works days so we pass like ships in the night but it makes days off more special and it’s not forever

ImListening · 08/02/2018 08:01

Flowers Daisy

In the first few months of married life I probably did miss DH when he was away not that I ever cried!

Now I change the bed sheets, get in all the bits I like... & have a lovely week.

He’s away next week so as it’s half term myself & dcs have got lots of lovely things planned. Dd has reading week so is coming down so she can join in! She’ll come home at the weekend so she can see him before he goes.

I hope I’ve raised my dcs to see that being completely co dependent on someone is not healthy, loving them yes but please be your own person!

LEMtheoriginal · 08/02/2018 08:04

I'd rather be a wet blanket than mean hearted Hmm

LEMtheoriginal · 08/02/2018 08:07

I can't help but see irony in all these people declaring that they like their partners being away so they can do the things they like to do or watch the things they want to do. Can you not do that when they are around? Or do you have to wait until they are not there before you can "be your own person "?

Tink2007 · 08/02/2018 08:09

Trashboat - no, not every night and no not for the hours he has gone but life is very different for us to what it was a year ago.

It makes me sad he is not here and our two DCs miss seeing him - usually if he works a late then they won’t have seen him at all that day. I know that gets to them.

But thank you for the advice of professional help. I won’t be seeking it just because you don’t agree with missing someone.

ImListening · 08/02/2018 08:11

Of course we can - but if I want to drink champagne in the bath for example (I can’t because I’m disabled so can’t get in & out of a bath) or on Tuesday night with a bag of crisps for dinner I’d feel guilty for not sharing. I’m greedy I don’t like to share! Or eat garlicky food - I don’t do this when he’s around as I don’t think it’s fair to share a bed with someone who has horrid breath.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread