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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Missing him

143 replies

Lilmis · 07/02/2018 16:35

Hubby had been australia for a week and still another week to go. Never been apart in 13 years apart from once. The children and I are missing him like crazy. I cried the first 5 days and so hve the children. Is this normal or am I being ott!!

OP posts:
LemonShark · 07/02/2018 18:53

YABU. Sounds worrying dependent/codependent that you can't handle a couple of weeks apart without crying every day. I'd be concerned about setting that example to the kids

n0ne · 07/02/2018 18:56

DH went away to Asia for 2 weeks when DC1 was a couple of months old. I missed him (especially with a new baby!) but I didn't cry. And I'm a big crier. Seems a bit OTT.

Bodear · 07/02/2018 18:59

Lilmis, if you wanted people to be universally kind and sympathetic then aibu is not for you.

I agree with pp, get a grip! He’s not dead. He’s just away for less than 2 weeks. You’re setting an awful example to your kids. Focus on the good things in life and pull yourself together fgs.

MrsMaxwell · 07/02/2018 19:00

I know a lot of ladies who have given birth without their OH and not been able to speak to him for months after.

upsideup · 07/02/2018 19:04

To the people saying they love it when DH is away because they get to eat what they want and do what they want not get to do that otherwise? No wonder you dont miss him.

ClareB83 · 07/02/2018 19:07

Quite @upsideup!

Trashboat · 07/02/2018 19:08

If my DH is not in bed with me at night I will cry, I love him absolutely and miss him painfully when he is not with me

Oh my word. That's a bit, erm, bizarre.

Miss him 'painfully'
'love him absolutely'.

Do you live in a Mills and Boon novel? How utterly o.t.t.

itshappening · 07/02/2018 19:10

People haven't been mean, direct maybe but i don't think anyone wanted to upset you, just help you see things differently.

How much you miss him is one thing, letting your feelings show like this in front of the dc is another. I know there are limits to what you can or should hide but you are not even in the same league as those limits. Your husband is fine, he is well, he is in a safe place and will be home in a week. This is in no way tragic. If anything, be glad it shows how close you all.

You are not just a wife, you are a parent so you have other responsibilities.

LoniceraJaponica · 07/02/2018 19:15

"I cried the first 5 days and so have the children. Is this normal or am I being ott!!"

No it isn't normal, and yes, it is a bit OTT. Sorry.

It is normal to miss your partner if you have a healthy relationship, but to be so utterly dependent on them like this is a bit scary. Are you otherwise OK?

OH used to travel a lot, and I missed him like crazy when he first started travelling, but now with better communications - Skype etc, it makes it so much easier.

Notonthestairs · 07/02/2018 19:18

Anyone else feeling guilty over NOT crying when their DH is away?

Chin up Op, he'll be back before you know it.

NerrSnerr · 07/02/2018 19:18

OP- people were not being harsh. You asked if it was normal or OTT and People gave their opinions!!

My husband is away at the moment and of course I miss him but life goes on and I certainly don't act like it's dreadful in front of the children. They need to know that it's ok to be apart from each other and we'll still all survive.

GeekyBlinders · 07/02/2018 19:19

I'd really miss DP so I don't blame you for that, but I think you need to keep it under wraps for your kids.

upsideup · 07/02/2018 19:19

I'd rather my DC grew up wanting to be in a relationship with someone they really love and would miss when they are not together than a relationshop like some pp's who suggest they either dont notice hes gone or love it when their DH's are away because they can eat/do what they want.
OP its lovely that you miss your husband, try not to get too upset about and look forward to when hes back.

pollythedolly · 07/02/2018 19:23

Bit harsh some of you.

I'd hate to be separated from my husband like that. I'd probably cry but knowing me be a right grumpy bitch instead but that's me.

RadioGaGoo · 07/02/2018 19:27

Hard as fucking nails this lot OP. I love a good scathing competition.

MonumentalAlabaster · 07/02/2018 19:30

I know a lot of ladies who have given birth without their OH and not been able to speak to him for months after

Surely it depends on the reason? Hmm

I had to do this at birth of DD3 - unavoidable as she came 2 weeks early and DH was working in SE Asia. If however he'd missed it while out on a night with the lads and hadn't bothered to look at his phone all evening, that would be another matter....

Christinayangstwistedsista · 07/02/2018 19:31

I would have had the flags out

Iluvthe80s · 07/02/2018 19:36

I love my husband to bits but would not cry if he went away. I would make the most of it as the house would be tidy for a change

MrsMaxwell · 07/02/2018 19:37

MonumentalAlabaster

Because their partners are in the forces - as I said upthread Hmm

Tink2007 · 07/02/2018 19:39

Definitely not OTT.

My husband has to work some lates each week. I cry when he does. That’s OTT (and I don’t care).

LolitaLempicka · 07/02/2018 19:40

upsideup You can really love someone and not cry about them being away, you know. Being independent is not a sign you don’t love fully and deeply, just as being needy isn’t necessarily about love, but possibly more about having no personality of your own.

Duggeedancer · 07/02/2018 19:46

I've not seen or heard from my DH for 4 months - Navy wife. He has missed his birthday, his DD's birthday, Halloween, Christmas and New Year, and Wedding Anniversary. Our DD has given up on him coming back.

I would give ANYTHING just to be apart for a fortnight.

MrsMaxwell · 07/02/2018 19:47

Duggeedancer

You have my sympathies I am the same (although he’s not away atm). Wine

Getoutofthatgarden · 07/02/2018 19:51

To the people saying they love it when DH is away because they get to eat what they want and do what they want not get to do that otherwise? No wonder you dont miss him

Um yes but I'm not going to sit and stuff my face while binge watching something trashy and take up the whole bed when he's sitting looking at me am I? Do you not understand the concept of me time?

Duggeedancer · 07/02/2018 19:54

Mrs Maxwell

I thought so from your post! It's shit isn't it? Sad

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