Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

Missing him

143 replies

Lilmis · 07/02/2018 16:35

Hubby had been australia for a week and still another week to go. Never been apart in 13 years apart from once. The children and I are missing him like crazy. I cried the first 5 days and so hve the children. Is this normal or am I being ott!!

OP posts:

MsHomeSlice · 07/02/2018 17:01

it's tough love in AIBU Lem :o

and c'mon, weeping and wailing for 5 days of a fortnight's absence....that's not right on any account, never mind dragging the children into it, behaviour like this is totally OTT and really quite concerning imo.

How about "it's fine to miss daddy, but he'll be home in 13/12/11.....days, think of all the exciting things we can talk about when he is home"

RightYesButNo · 07/02/2018 17:07

I think most commenters here are a bit confused about whether OP has shed a few tears at the end of each day when she misses her DH or if she and the kids have been wailing like banshees all day long (seems unlikely?).

Having been a Forces wife, I hated my husband being gone for nine months and it was terrible, especially when he was somewhere dangerous and I had to go nine months without a phone call. BUT it didn’t make me less sympathetic to others. I know that everybody has what they can bear, so when my friend says she just can’t stand her husband being away for two days for business, I don’t laugh at her! I just tell her that I hope he’s back soon.

That said, a few tears, normal. All day long, tribal wailing, OTT. And I hope the next week passes quickly for you, OP!

Gardai · 07/02/2018 17:10

Yes OP could you clarify if 5 days non-stop wailing in unison with children or if it’s the odd tear shed ? I’m confused.
If it’s the odd tear then (whilst I don’t understand as I love my own company ) that’s normal I imagine.
Surely there’s some stuff you can do with the kids and take your minds off him away ? I can’t help but feel this is unhealthy.

jessicabenomi · 07/02/2018 17:12

Seriously?

My husband has been in California for the past 3 weeks and me and the kids have barely noticed that he’s gone!

Reallycantbebothered · 07/02/2018 17:14

It is tough when you're used to someone being around and never been apart...
my dh and I were frequently separated for weeks at a time before we were married and then again when we had dcs due to his work- it was tough and I didn't have any family nearby for support ...sometimes it can't be helped and you will find that as time goes on you are stronger than you thought you could be....all day crying does no one any good
Won't be long till he's home, keep busy doing things with the dcs and if they're old enough prepare a special meal / bake a cake for his return

TatianaLarina · 07/02/2018 17:14

Missing him is normal. It’s completely bizarre to be this dependent on another adult. Where is your independence? What would you do if he left you or died?

herethereandeverywhere · 07/02/2018 17:15

Why are your lives so focused on him (and therefore the absence of him)?

Emmageddon · 07/02/2018 17:15

I'm sure the OP and her children weren't all caterwauling in unison for 5 days straight, just a little bit misty-eyed at times perhaps?

Hopefully you've been using Skype or Facetime, and keeping in touch as much as you can. One of the wonders of modern technology is being able to chat to someone on the other side of the world and actually see them while you are talking to them.

Not long to go now, before he's back and getting on your nerves again

upsideup · 07/02/2018 17:17

I doubt the OP and her DC have all be in tears 24/7 for 5 days just that they have all got a bit emotional at some point in the day, which is lovely and OTT at all.
You will get many coldhearted people on mumsnet, a few of which are'nt overly fond of their DH so are hardly going to cry in his absence.
If my DH is not in bed with me at night I will cry, I love him absolutely and miss him painfully when he is not with me.

Fintress · 07/02/2018 17:20

This time last year my husband was in New Zealand for four weeks. Yes I missed him but I had a bloody ball! He used to travel a lot for work and be away for weeks at a time. I do love a bit of me time and starfishing in bed.

TatianaLarina · 07/02/2018 17:20

It has f all to do with how much you love your husband, simply maturity level. I don’t cry because I’m not. 5.

duckingfisaster · 07/02/2018 17:21

Totally OTT

Bit of a crappy message for your DC's - hopefully you are not as co-dependent on them for your happiness and wellbeing or they'll be screwed when they go to Uni!

Why so sad, he's gone for a couple of weeks. TBH I can't bear needy though!

Greensleeves · 07/02/2018 17:21

God yes, adults don't cry

Posturing at its best.

Fintress · 07/02/2018 17:22

You will get many coldhearted people on mumsnet, a few of which are'nt overly fond of their DH so are hardly going to cry in his absence.

Bit presumptuous there. I absolutely adore my husband and love him to death but I certainly don't cry if he has to go away for work or any other reason.

Ragwort · 07/02/2018 17:22

If my DH is not in bed with me at night I will cry, I love him absolutely and miss him painfully when he is not with me.

Clearly it's lovely that you have a happy and contented marriage but to cry if your DH isn't in bed with you does sound as though are very dependent, needy and over invested in your relationship.

Realistically one of you will die first - how will you cope if it's not you?

Greensleeves · 07/02/2018 17:24

It's actually quite common not to "cope" when you are bereaved of your spouse. And certainly not something to be sneered at.

upsideup · 07/02/2018 17:24

@Fintress

I wasnt talking about everyone, nor was I talking about the people who simply wouldnt cry themselves but many pp's have been totally heartless and cant even imagine a situation when someone would be upset over their partners absence.

MrsMaxwell · 07/02/2018 17:25

Forces wife here - do four months no contact most years so little sympathy IF my OH was away and you were moaning on my FB

BUT I am used to it and he is 150 miles away all week most weeks so if you are used to him coming home at the end of the day I expect it’s hard.

But c’mon it’s two weeks, get a grip

BigBaboonBum · 07/02/2018 17:27

I find this super weird. I mean missing him is normal but crying for five days? Even if just once a day, it’s extreme.
You’re far too dependent on him if you have this reaction over him going away for work. You need to calm down before this anxiety rubs off on your kids more than it obviously is.
I hope you haven’t told him you’re all crying every day because it seems like something somebody would say to control somebody to stay close to home. Super clingy.

Sorry if this is harsh, and I’m sorry you’re feeling the way you are... but it’s a very strange reaction

fleshmarketclose · 07/02/2018 17:32

I think it's a bit OTT tbh, that said h is away this week and me and the dc are missing the dog (who is away with him) much more than h

itshappening · 07/02/2018 17:34

I sympathise OP but what you are doing is setting a terrible example for the dc and sending all the wrong messages. It would make them feel more secure if you show that you can cope and have a fun time together. It is good to be close and miss each other, but if the relationship makes you strong rather than just dependent then you should be able to manage and just be grateful that your husband is coming back. Many people on here have to be brave for their young children in the face of devastating loss.

TatianaLarina · 07/02/2018 17:35

Difficulty coping with bereavement is a completely different issue to difficulty coping with being independence.

BanyanTree · 07/02/2018 17:36

When my DH is away, which is lots, I have a lovely time

I buy myself mahoosive bars of Toblerone and Dairy Milk, packets of Kettle Chips and a couple of bottles of red. He's a massive health freak so I'd never do this around him. Then I put on my fave movies and TV and enjoy myself. I don't need to tidy the house as he's away. It's great. My DC miss him but get over it with the trips to the chippy and having their own massive bars of choc.

Mulberry72 · 07/02/2018 17:38

Aw OP I hate it when DH has to go away just for one night!

I can’t help it, I love him and I miss him when he’s not here. YADNBU xx

problembottom · 07/02/2018 17:39

Bloody hell my instinct is to say YABU. Is your DH crying too? I have a needy weepy friend like this and she drives her DH, who works away a lot, round the twist. I could tell you some stories! But if your OH is on the same page then I guess that's different.

My DP works at every major football tournament - in June he'll go away to Russia for six weeks. As I work fulltime I can't go over. I just crack on with life, I have fabulous family and friends and take the opportunity to spend a lot of time with them. Doesn't mean I don't love DP to bits.

As for the poster who cries in bed without her OH, my cat sleeps on the other side of the bed when DP's away so I'm fine.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.