£40 standard gift for kids birthday parties (Private School)

[trippingup]

AIBU to think that £40 is a lot of money for a kids gift for a party even though children concerned go to a private school?

DP's ex is demanding more money to keep up with the expected gifts so that DD isn't frowned upon for bringing a cheaper gift. Surely £10-15 is more than enough. DP agrees with ex and will give her more money. Just seems like its keeping up with the joneses to me and I should just stay out of it.

I spend £10 max on these sorts of things. With a class of 20-30 kids there is no need to be so extravagant and the likelihood is it won't be massively appreciated anyway.

How old are they? Is it going to end up as 30 birthday parties for 6 year olds (unreasonable), or is it the child's 4 or 5 teenage best friends (reasonable assuming you actually can fund it)?

£40 seems ridiculous to me! How old is your SD?

DS is 5 and I generally spend about £8-10 on party gift but stock up in the sales so full price would be £16-20. Anything more than that would be OTT.

(DS is at private school)

£40! Thats mad! £10 max or as a pp said stock up while things are on sale.

Your dp needs to stand up to his ex and say that £40 is madness, private school or not.

£40 does sound like a lot, but it depends on the demographics of the school and also the age.

Pre-prep age, £15. Years 3-6 £25-30. Older than that, depends on the occasion and how good a friend.

This is West London, private.

That's very 'showy' tbh. At my school (back in the mists of time, admittedly) the acceptable and gratefully received gift was something modest like a box of maltesers. So kind of 'anti-showy' iyswim.

But I guess things have changed.

Who told you that that's the "standard"? Surely some people are capable of doing what suits them without reference to what the herd is doing?
And it being a private school is irrelevant. Private schools are not the exclusive preserve of the rich

My DS had a birthday party recently, Y6, private school in London. Most gifts he received were envelopes with £40 cash. I normally prefer to give vouchers and was quite surprised that cash for 11 year olds was ok to give, but actually easier. Kids at this age prefer to buy what they want or are saving for smth big. DS went to the birthday party since and I did put £40 cash as a gift. I suppose depends on age, school, demographics.

£40??! My eldest has been through private school, and my youngest is in prep, and I can assure you that the norm throughout, has been 10 to 15pds.

Depends on age of child I think. My year 1 son received gifts all worth about £15 but then parents are attending 17 parties a year as they’re all whole class. If it was more just special friends I think the value would go up.

My son’s at a private school, he’s 12 and gifts are 10-15 pounds.

Depends on age and attendees.

Eg
year 1, 15 attendees = spend about £10 for present. Activity =softplay or somesuch shite
Year 8, 3 attendees, £20-40 cash, activity =something interesting to specific attendees that a bunch of close friends would like to do togethe4

I doubt that all the parents are actually spending that much-most professionals simply would be able to afford £40 for every single party. I would imagine that your partner's ex is trying to keep up with the less...well mannered parents. It's fundamentally poor form to spend more than you would expect the average family to be able to afford. Unless the school is one of those schools that entirely consort of wealthy families (very rare and basically non-existing out of London or in public/senior school) then I would expect the polite figure to be between £20 and £30 depending on the area and class size. Perhaps the money would be better spent on some basic etiquette lessons for the ex. It doesn't do to be seen to be the one spending the most on anything in general. But in the instance of birthday parties for school children over spending is downright inconsiderate.

£40 cash! Wowzers

Agree with others. £10 absolutely the average.

I don’t spend that much on gifts for my grandchildren!

*consist

My kids aren't at private school but we live in a fairly affluent area - £10 is most definitely the standard for presents.

Ds has just had his 3rd birthday party, I would say most people spent around £20-25 on him. I can see that quickly rising to £40 once they hit school age.

My DS had a birthday party recently, Y6, private school in London. Most gifts he received were envelopes with £40 cash

That is insane. How many kids were at the party? That's moving in to wedding present territory,.

£40? Not round here, unless you’re trying to make a point about your wealth.

That’s a ridulous amount. No more than £15 to £20. I would say private school or not!

Ds has just had his 3rd birthday party, I would say most people spent around £20-25 on him. I can see that quickly rising to £40 once they hit school age.

But if he's only 3, I'm assuming these are your friends and family buying him gifts? So you'd normally get more spent on him.

Totally depends on the demographics. Useless asking here as most people here can not afford private school anyway, and even at private school, demographics can vary a lot.
Maybe just trust what the parent is telling you?

Private prep here - £20 the norm. Certainly no more