£40 standard gift for kids birthday parties (Private School)

[trippingup]

AIBU to think that £40 is a lot of money for a kids gift for a party even though children concerned go to a private school?

DP's ex is demanding more money to keep up with the expected gifts so that DD isn't frowned upon for bringing a cheaper gift. Surely £10-15 is more than enough. DP agrees with ex and will give her more money. Just seems like its keeping up with the joneses to me and I should just stay out of it.

No, my DC are in an independent prep with DC drawn from Fulham, Chelsea, Putney etc and we spend around £20. £40 would look like you are trying too hard tbh.

it's ridiculous whatever the 'norms' are - but it's between your DH and his ex, you don't want to be bad cop particularly if your step-DD ends up shamed over it - think long term.

No wonder kids are growing up to be spoilt little shits who think the world owes them . 20 kids at a party 40 quid each that's 800 quid !!! My kids wouldn't be going . Imagine if you had twins , you would be giving the party child the equivalent to a week's shopping money for many families !

Society is going STUFF mad !

I agree with the above poster who said it is a bit rude to spend much more than most party guests would be able to afford. DS is at a private school and I buy possibly on the more generous side from what I have observed, particularly for closer friends of DS because he chooses what he knows they will want, and I go along with it, but I would be unlikely to go over £20. I recently bought a stuffed cat for DS's friend because in a shop of a million stuffed toys, he went straight to it and said, THAT ONE, and she loved it.

Other than that I would spend 10-15 pounds.

How much is the ex asking for? For your DH to buy the present each time or is she asking for £40 extra a week to ‘cover’ these presents? Is she just trying to get more money?

My dc big at private school I’ve been seriously underspending my dd’s Bday presents were £20+ from classmates

Not at private school

Throw him his next birthday party, see how much cash and how valuable the gifts are. I bet it's nowhere near £40 per person!

My DS is in nursery of private school so just starting on the birthday party circuit! I have not spent more than £10 on a present yet. They don’t tend to have time to open them at the actual party though so I don’t know how much anyone else is spending. Maybe come DS late summer birthday I’ll realise everyone else spends more :) but I doubt it. Everyone else seems like fairly normal but slightly higher earning professionals with plenty of financial commitments, not super rich.

Bloody hell. I only spent £40 on my own DD for her birthday, around here party pressies are a fiver ish.
The other half really do live in a different world.

Why are people such sheep. I wouldn't spend more than £10- maybe 12/13 at a push. I couldn't give a fig what other parents do. Grow a backbone

Private school here & giving cash would not be the done thing at all. Wouldn’t spend more than about £20 either. That would look needy & a bit inappropriate.

That is insane. My kids are at private school. We spend 10-15. Anything more would seem in bad taste. I can see if the child is at secondary school and only has a few best friends, we may spend more, but never 40.

My dd is in y3 at a prep school, we never spend more than £10 on a gift and nor does anyone else!

Dubious about this - I have kids at private primary & secondary in London - £10 to £15 is a normal amount here

DS is at a private school, I spend between £5 and £10, usually get something in a sale, on offer or from TK Maxx that’s worth a bit more. Judging by the presents he got for his party, I’m playing it about right.

5-10 is normal for us but it’s not a private school. At a ‘triple’ birthday party before Christmas, I simply put a fiver in each card as it was 4 days before Christmas and the birthdays were spread all over December. I know another couple of mums did the same!

Private school here and the "done thing" is £15-£20 Amazon voucher at the last birthday we held.

I would have thought it showy when my kids were younger, but I can see how as they get older this might be normal.

My oldest has a group of about 5 close friends, I think he probably spends around that on presents for them.

I still buy £20 Amazon vouchers for my 12 year old's close friends, £30 for the inner sanctum, £15 for second tier friends.

I think cash is frowned upon but my 12 year old received a few envelopes with £20 at his most recent party.

... I do put more in if the party is a better quality one like paintballing, pottery painting etc which I know is expensive, less for joint parties. More for a best friend etc... Never more than £30 though and never cash!

That makes sense.

They are already wealthy and you will give them bigger presents and more cash? Wow. Logic.

I'd give more money to the kids who are likely not to received loads of expensive presents and forget completely about what it looks like.

Wow that's alot! My parents only spend £25 on their Grandchildren, spending more than a tenner on friends is a little crazy in my opinon

That sounds very high.

I would ignore and get presents up to £10, a lot can be picked up in the sale.

If DP agrees with ex and can pay I don't see why you are involved tbh.

Madness. £20 in a card is the norm here.