Is this neglect?!

[RubaDubMum89]

I'd like people's opinions on this please, I've simplified it as much as possible to keep the post short.

I'm currently working on a craft project to give a family member as a birthday present (little girl, turning 11).

DD is 14 months old.

Now, through the day, whilst DD is pottering about playing etc I'll sit at the dining room table (I've a large through room so I can see into the living room and vice versa) and work on the book, I've always got 1.5 eyes on her and talk to her etc whilst I'm doing it.

If DD needs me, I'll go see to her. If she wants attention, I stop and play with her etc until she's had enough of me. She's fed, changed and watered and perfectly safe and happy - in my opinion.

However, soon to be EXDP (this is for another thread, but, my ducks are getting lined up) thinks that this is neglect... He's been saying (repeatedly) over the past few days "don't neglect her", "make sure you don't neglect her", "you should do that whilst she's asleep", "you can't do that and watch DD at the same time".

I could list all my arguments about why he's wrong, but, I want an uninfluenced opinion from people.

AIBU and neglecting DD?

I got on the floor to play with my 11 month old today. He ignored me, crawled off to the kitchen and commenced pulling things out of the 'safe' cupboard I keep unlocked for that very purpose. Then he merrily emptied the washing machine. Some kids are happy pottering and amusing themselves. If the OPs child wasn't content they would soon let it be known. There are some very Perfect Parents on here

This is demeaning to the word 'neglect'. Which is a serious word, that deserves respect.

Agreed oblomov.

I’m a hyper-parent type and honestly I WISH I could bring myself to do things like that. I’m too anxious and think I’ll be doing damage, but even I know it isn’t really true.
You should probably stick some stuff in front of her so she can do things with you (even if it’s nothing to do with what you’re doing, just paper and sticky stuff)... but either way, it isn’t neglect. You aren’t leaving her alone, she isn’t crying

Sounds fine to me.

My 14 month old is also happy to potter around amusing himself for a while. If he wants attention for whatever reason, he’s not slow in making his wishes known. I presume OPs DD would also let it be known if she thought that she was being neglected in favour of a craft project.

Having said that, if the soon to be ex is throwing around (ridiculous) accusations of neglect, I’d stop mentioning the craft project when he asks about your day. Or say you’d been working on it during DDs nap time. No point giving him ammunition for a fight.

Sorry to hear your updates, Rub. Now I am even more glad to hear that you are leaving this STBX. He sounds controlling and nasty and he is also financially abusive if he has agreed for you to stay home but is not sharing the household income to allow you to do so.

Seems like he wants to have his cake and eat it - have you at home doing all the skivvy work and raising his child for him while not having to pay any penny towards anything.

Are you married or just living together? I hope you are married and can get a good divorce settlement to help you back to independent earning again or, if not, that you have some family you can move in with to have some support once you leave this stupid arse of a man. Either way, there are some support forums on here with good advice for women leaving bad relationships. Good luck!

And yy to previous comments on not taking the bait when he asks what you've been doing all day. He's not your employer. You don't need to account for your time to him.