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Original poster

My child hit another child at nursery :(

110 replies

AsYetUntitled · 05/02/2018 18:40

Picking my nearly 4 year old up from nursery today and was told my son had hit another child during a squabble over a toy. Apparently my son was playing with a toy when the other child came over and a squabble ensued, then some pushing from both of them, culminating in my son hitting the other child in the face. Sad
My son got a time out and they both said sorry to each other for the pushing but I feel absolutely awful. He’s not been allowed to do his usual Monday afternoon activity, no tablet time or tv time and no pudding after lunch as a penalty.

He’s generally a well behaved little boy and certainly doesn’t have form for this type of thing. I asked after the other child and they were ok but I feel so guilty and embarassed about his terrible behaviour today. The teacher said they made them both say sorry to each other and carried on with their day but I feel so disappointed in what he did.

Nursery aren’t allowed to tell me who it is, although I do know because my son told me. I’m not sure if I should apologise to the mother and make my son apologise to the other child again or if that’ll break confidentiality as it’s supposed to remain anonymous.

I’m so disappointed in him and I thought I’d brought him up so much better. Sad

OP posts:
StrawberryMummy90 · 05/02/2018 18:42

Bloody hell hes only 4 don’t write him off just yet.

They both apologised, these things happen at their age. Think you’ve gone a bit OTT with the ‘penalities’.

kimlo · 05/02/2018 18:43

I woukdn't have punished him that much at home, it was delt with at nursery. I would have just had a chat with him about it.

Don't talj to the parents.

He's 4, they have very little impulse control.

HereWeGoRoundAgain · 05/02/2018 18:44

Honestly? He's four. Shit happens. Whilst it's upsetting and a bit embarrassing, and it's good and right to reinforce the message firmly at home, I truly wouldn't give very much more thought to it once I'd done so.

Tumbleweed101 · 05/02/2018 18:44

Pretty normal behaviour at that age.

endofacentury · 05/02/2018 18:45

Why are you removing pudding as a punishment? It's not related to what he did so totally meaningless. School dealt with it, so leave it at that. He is 4 Confused

insancerre · 05/02/2018 18:45

He's 4
It's normal behaviour for his age
I also think he didn't need any other punishments and you don't need to apologise to the parents
Chill, it happens all the time

Quartz2208 · 05/02/2018 18:45

Oh ffs he is a 4 year old boy who squabbled with another 4 year old boy that got out of hand. It wont be the last time (and its just as likely the next time he is on the receiving end)

You however have gone completely over the top - the nursery dealt with it sensibly and moved on. No further punishment was needed and certainly not words like disappointed.

As an aside you could say sorry to the mum - most of the time DS has been involved incidents (in both ways) I know who the other is and we have talked. Most of the time its straightforward as its understood these things happen

georgeoutside · 05/02/2018 18:46

Omg it was dealt with at nursery, no further action required. He is 4 fgs.

kaytee87 · 05/02/2018 18:47

Hes only 4 and was already punished at nursery. Punishing him further will just make him angry, not teach him anything.

donajimena · 05/02/2018 18:48

You shouldn't punish twice. That's dreadful

Whowhatwhy · 05/02/2018 18:48

Never use food as a punishment OP.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 05/02/2018 18:48

You need to learn to relax. This sort of thing happens 1,000 times a day between little ones. He's been told off a nursery and dealt with at home. I think he's served his time. Punishment can't go on forever.

PinkHeart5914 · 05/02/2018 18:48

I’m so disappointed in him and I thought I’d brought him up so much better. sad The child is 4 you don’t need to write him off just yet.....

The nursery have dealt with it and provided a suitable punishment, his 4 these things happen. 2 dc got in to a fight over a toy, it never ends well tbh

GrooovyLass · 05/02/2018 18:49

No need to punish at home, he had a timeout at nursery which seems much more appropriate.

Sounds like he was playing and another child came to take the toy off him? In which case it was six of one and half a dozen of the other...

JoeyMaynardssolidlump · 05/02/2018 18:51

Sorry but you are being ridiculous. He’s 4 not 14. Poor little mite doesn’t need any more punishment from you if nursery dealt with it. A chat about not hitting is fine. Please don’t get such a silly normal incident so out of proportion.

Vibe2018 · 05/02/2018 18:52

Your reaction sounds very over the top - sorry!

He's a small boy who's only learning and lacks the impulse control of an adult.

One little punishment might be ok but not the list you've given.

WinkyisbackontheButterBeer · 05/02/2018 18:52

As everyone else has said, this is totally normal behaviour for a 4 year old.
He was frustrated and didn’t have the social capacity or the communication skills to express this and stop the other child from doing something that he didn’t want them to do.
Give him a cuddle and maybe have a talk/ role play what to do next time something like that happens.
Social skills take a lot of learning.

ChoudeBruxelles · 05/02/2018 18:52

Oh ffs he’s 4! My 11 year old had a scrap with his friend the other day because they wind each other up. He got a bollocking at school.

BarbarianMum · 05/02/2018 18:52

Gosh are you usually so dramatic? He's 4. He lashed out. It's not desirable but it happens.

Did you find out what started the trouble (someone wanting to take his toy)? Rather than punishing him more it might be more constructive to talk to him about what he can do in such a situation eg shout stop, or tell a teacher.

tinyfootsteps · 05/02/2018 18:53

Some nurseries treat a hit as the worst thing ever. I mean I know it's bad, but they make the parent feel like shit even though they weren't there when it happened. Our nursery says no child ever hits. Load of rubbish! They also say that children only hit if they have been hit. Ridiculous. I think it is their way of scaring the parents into over punishing.

thehairyhog · 05/02/2018 18:53

Wow, serious overkill in the response to your ds here, it’s moved into shaming territory!

I don’t agree with time outs but given the other child was pushing too I hope the children were both given the same response by the nursery.

This is not abnormal behaviour, albeit it must be stopped. 4 year olds have low impulse control and he was pushed too. Shame the nursery didn’t step in earlier to help the children.

I think your expectations of your ds sound too high, you should do some research into appropriate expectations for behaviour at this age. I don’t mean it should go unchecked but this is too much.

lalalalyra · 05/02/2018 18:53

You don't punish a 4-year-old 4 times for something that happens. Time out, no activity, no tv time and no tablet time is massively over the top for one incident. What are you going to do if he ever does something serious?

I’m so disappointed in him and I thought I’d brought him up so much better.

He's 4. 4-year-olds misbehave, they react badly and they make bad choices. He's not gone on a mass killing spree - he had a spat with another child over a toy.

Also you are v.unreasonable to link food with behaviour with the pudding thing.

TreacleBoo · 05/02/2018 18:54

From someone who worked in a nursery for 5 years, it’s really no big deal OP. Occurs several times a day, & mostly every single child will hit or hurt another child at some point. It’s them learning to control their emotions & how to deal with disagreements. I’m even surprised that he’s got to the age of 4 without hitting someone before now! A one off time is not a reflection on how you’ve brought him up. Don’t be so hard on him, the punishment at nursery was sufficient

Vibe2018 · 05/02/2018 18:54

The boy is only 3 years old (nearly 4) according to the OP.

PancakeInMaBelly · 05/02/2018 18:54

He’s not been allowed to do his usual Monday afternoon activity, no tablet time or tv time and no pudding after lunch as a penalty.

WHAT????
this is ridiculous
Consequences for preschool need to be instant or they loose all meaning
It was dealt with at the time in nursery so what the bell are you doing?