the cost of getting your child to Uni!

[Ineedsharesintravelodge]

Not so much an AIBU, just looking for some advice really. I have name changed for this, as I have a few friends & relatives who are on Mumsnet also. Sorry that this is long!!

My 18 year old has been looking at specific degree courses (don't want to say what, as quite outing) and she has applied for a few through UCAS and one independently, but I am finding the cost of getting her to the interviews extortionate. Most of the Universities she has applied for are 4-6 hours travelling distance away, and without gong into details about her course, she would be expected to stay at the Uni for 5-6 hrs on the day of the interview as there are several parts to the interview. As a non-driver this entails mostly two overnight stays per interview - one on the way there and one on the way back as there aren't any trains to get us there in time on the same day, or to get us back to our small northern town afterwards on the same day. Most of the Unis that she has applied to are down south, so even budget hotel lines can be fairly expensive, depending on the day and area. None of the interviews can be changed as these are mostly the last dates available, and none are consecutive so we can't take advantage of attending one the day after another.

I have priced it up for her to travel alone (daunting for a just 18 yr old from a small rural northern town - journeys are up to / 5 train changes mostly via London) and by the time we have used our railcard it doesn't make much of a price difference, and the hotels seem to charge around the same for 1 or 2 people in a room so it makes more sense for us both to go so she has the reassurance about the travel. We don't have anyone to ask who could drive her there instead, (her dad wont take time off work for this, nor will he contribute anything towards the cost. He feels he has done his part as he contributed 25% of the cost of attending a Uni open day, of which she has only been to one ).

After working it out, I have estimated that each trip will cost in the region of £250 - £350, and that is staying at cheapest hotels, travelling at cheapest time of the day whenever possible to fit in around the timing of the interview. All of the interview dates are within a 3 week window in March - how the heck am I supposed to afford it, I am a single parent on a low income, and although I have been putting some money away towards this (as and when I could afford it) it won't even cover one of the trips.

I just don't know what to do.

Do I tell her that I can't afford it, and that she can't go? Do I near bankrupt myself, by borrowing money from my household bills to take her? The amount that I am needing to find by March (or preferably before then, to get the cheapest hotel & train rates) could take me years to pay off / re juggle household bills up to date.
Do we risk it and only attend one or two? (what then, if she is offered a place at neither, and she has missed the other interviews?)
Or just go to her first couple of choice interviews but these have more demand for places?
We have discussed the possibility of not attending later interviews if she is offered a place at an earlier one, but these are not her first choice Unis within the first few interviews, and ideally we would have travel booked asap for the best prices, as leaving it until the week before to book is so expensive.
It's a dilemma. Please don't say, I should have saved for this - I have done my best, but money in our house is very tight and we only have a little disposable income each month. Just want some ideas, suggestions on the best thing to do in this situation!

megabus/national express coaches are much cheaper than the train and she may be able to take an overnight bus back.

The overnight megabus home is amazing! Costs me about £2.70 from London to Yorkshire, 200 miles. Saves on a hostel too as you get on about 1am then nap until you get back home at 6am.

Definitely check with the universities if a) the interviews are for selection purposes (and therefore essential) vs for information only and if they are then b) whether they can offer financial assistance for the expenses. But expect that you might need to provide some evidence of financial status to access funds, if available. If there's no help possible then it's also worth asking whether there are any alternatives such as Skype interviews - universities these days deal with applicants from all over the world and in all circumstances so they know that one size doesn't always fit all. You could also ask whether any later dates are possible which might help you obtain cheaper fares and spread the cost.

(BTW it should be your daughter who asks, not you)

Also, if it is a selective process, then get your daughter to focus on preparing for the assessment, not on working out the logistics of the journeys if this is something you can help her with! Best of luck

Where have you got to go from and to? Someone maybe able to help plan a route for you or find a cheap place to stay.

DS2 had to go to interviews and they all said 5/6 hours but none of them were. One of them was done and dusted within 2.5hrs.

is this for a performance/musical theatre style course, with the long interview days and not all through ucas ? Does your dd have any friends on courses already at the uni, she could spend a night with or have any friends applying who she could travel with

LemonShark you clearly have absolutely zero understanding of depression and anxiety
An interview is nerve wracking at the best of times. If a 17 or 18 year old with zero confidence has to make an unfamiliar journey involving several train changes, then find a hotel on her own she will struggle to find the confidence she requires to get through an interview.

Have you not read the OP’s posts properly

Are you separated from her father OP? Is that why he is being so difficult?

I agree with pp that you should not be going with her to the interviews! Trust me she will be embarrassed to rock up with her mum when everyone else will be there on their own. Part of the experience will be meeting other candidates in the university bar, having some drinks etc.

She's old enough to make her own way, I would argue if she's not capable of doing that she's not suited to going to uni so far away. You not going with pretty much half the cost.

Agree university will maybe provide cheap accommodation, otherwise hostels or air bnb. Speak to the university though, all the interviews and open days I did I stayed in uni accommodation.

Raileasy.com splits ticket prices making them cheaper.

YHA Youth Hostels are always cheap - I stayed in central London for £26 pn - it was a shared room but worth it to be so central, and they have hostels nationwide.

Also check out if the universities have rooms in halls to rent (especially during vacations) these work out very cheap as well

Lastly, the megabus is cheap and cheerful (sit upstairs away from the smelly loo!)

I was worried that it may affect her chances of getting a place? (why would they take someone who would struggle to afford the course extras/equipment needed when there are loads of other applicants for that same place many of whom can easily afford it).

This will not possibly happen. I agree with others - approach the university.

I was reluctant to approach the Unis about travel funding to what is a quite in-demand course. I was worried that it may affect her chances of getting a place? (why would they take someone who would struggle to afford the course extras/equipment needed when there are loads of other applicants for that same place many of whom can easily afford it).

I can see why you'd be worried, but that's not how it works!

Instead, universities have targets set by government for getting in a minimum number of students from

• Low income households
• Low participation neighborhoods (postcode thing, basically a question of if there's a substantial proportion of people from your local area going to uni or not)
• State schools
• Care leavers

etc etc The upshot is that we're often keen to bend over backwards to get those students in, instead of the middle class ones.

Can you say which subject it is? Often people's perceptions of what is competitive is skewed - e.g. nursing has more applications per place than medicine (but the quality is more variable) and modern language courses are crying out for people to go and study them

Well most universities offer free accommodation for interviewing students in their halls (and done will help to pay for travel if necessary). There is really no reason to go with her (many 18 year olds bigger off for a year alone in a foreign country, a trip to the south won't be a big deal unless she has some kind of anxiety around travel). If she goes by bus it will be much cheaper than going by rail.

Simply not true LoniceraJaponica. I have first hand experience of depression! Both now and when I went to uni. My points still stand. OP will do whatever she wants to do but it's a perspective worth sharing as she may only be looking at it from her own anxious mum perspective ATM and not thinking about what's best for her daughter. And I'm not the only poster making these points

I love that everyone is piling on to the OP telling her that her daughter should be full of confidence to make difficult journeys to university interviews on her own
Not all teenagers are the same

But you aren't 18 LemonShark and the OP knows her daughter better than you do.

Get her a 'young persons railcard' for the £30(?) that will pay for itself with a trip or 2 and you won't need to travel too.
Then get her to stay at Youth Hostels?

Definitely try megabus One if my friends uses them and gets extremely long journeys for £1 with booking far in advance!

these are not open days they are interviews if you dont go to them you will not get an offer from them they are completely different to open days

Well done to your DD for getting 5 interviews to start with!

If I were you, I think I'd be looking at just going to her top 2 choices (main choice and insurance). Have you looked at the cost of coaches? They take longer but often much cheaper and depart earlier/later. You may have a couple of long days but you can save money on hotel and train fees if you get a coach there and back.

Not sure about unis offering to cover cost of transport to an interview, but it's worth asking.

Good luck

"If a 17 or 18 year old with zero confidence has to make an unfamiliar journey involving several train changes, then find a hotel on her own she will struggle to find the confidence she requires to get through an interview."

Ps we know she's 18, OP clearly said that. OP said nothing about confidence, just that she has depression and is from a rural town. You can make stuff up to try make your post sound more legitimate if you like but don't do it while accusing me of not reading the OP, eh?

Incidentally, if OP's daughter was in fact low in confidence, how do you think teenagers build up confidence?

You can contact the uni and ask for a Skype interview if you can't get there.

I did this due to costs - based in midlands and had interviews at Exeter, St Andrews and Penrith. No-one batted an eye and I did get offers from all three plus my face to faces in closer cities.

Trust me she will be embarrassed to rock up with her mum when everyone else will be there on their own.

When DS2 went for his interviews the vast majority were dropped off in the morning. A couple of them took their parents in at every interview, he went to 5, and they waited some where in the building. Most of us went off and came back later.

We stayed in Premier Inns when it was too far to travel on the day, we weren’t aware you could stay at the uni and DS2 wouldn’t have wanted that anyhow.

No I'm not 18 currently. Did you miss the part where I said I had depression when I went to uni? I was 18 then.

Of course she knows her child, we don't know OP or her daughter at all. But it's absolutely a worthwhile perspective to share when OP may so far only be seeing this from her own anxious mum angle.

Who said she needed to be full of confidence btw?

I agree cheapest travel is Megabus if it is a long distance, sleep on the overnight bus. Or National Express bus or student rail card.

As you both need to go, can you hire a car for each trip? Alternatively you could hire a car for the 3 week window when all the interviews are occurring. I appreciate that this will involve very long days for you, doing the trip both ways in a day, but it's certainly not impossible (I did something very similar the other week, literally from one end of the country to another) but you will save a great deal of money, and have some flexibility.

"Trust me she will be embarrassed to rock up with her mum when everyone else will be there on their own. "

Definitely, it's embarrassing and humiliating as an 18 year old adult to have your mum there with you at what should be your uni interview! If you do go OP please make sure you leave her to it during the days and go do your own thing.