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AIBU?

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Original poster

DD doesn't want to go to church any more

603 replies

jessicabenomi · 04/02/2018 23:18

First-time poster here...

My three dd's have been coming to church with me every Sunday their entire lives (dh doesn't come).

It's increasingly being a struggle to get my eldest dd (aged 14) to come. She always says she has too much homework or she wants to meet her friends. Today after we got back she said that the youth Sunday school was so awful that she never wants to go again and she doesn't believe in God.

She's had one of these anti-church "episodes" (I know that's the wrong word I just can't think of another) every few years, but has always calmed down and come back to church before.

Am I being unreasonable to make her come with me? I don't want to force her if she truly doesn't believe, but my faith is so important to me and my church family have been so supportive at difficult times of my life. I just want her to have that support too.

OP posts:
Andrewofgg · 05/02/2018 13:02

I think you know you are BU. She is old enough to make that decision herself. You must respect her choice.

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 05/02/2018 13:03

OP, don't speak to the Vicar/Minister about your daughter, it won't make a difference, only further alienate her, at her age, she'll be thoroughly embarrassed. Have a heart and let this matter lie.

Ellie56 · 05/02/2018 13:06

And it is ironic that the staunch atheists on MN feel the need to 'preach'.

Just what I was thinking. I gave up halfway through the rant further upthread. Hmm

Abra1de · 05/02/2018 13:07

I fervently believe that you cannot be a good 'abrahamic faith person'
Interesting arguments but you lost me at this as it is patently not the case.

DullAndOld · 05/02/2018 13:08

" staunch atheists "

only Catholics are 'staunch'..:)

Lizzie48 · 05/02/2018 13:09

@astoundedgoat DD2 has plenty of invitations to parties, and some of these are on Sunday mornings. I take her to those parties and don't insist that she has to go to church. There are Rainbows and Brownies events that take place on Sundays, I take my DDs to them and don't mind missing church in order to do that. Why? Because my DDs' happiness is important to me.

@nextDayDelivery I wasn't talking about you, and that's a very interesting post. Some dreadful things are done in the name of Christianity. It is not true that rape victims should marry their rapists, the Old Testament law, as I recall, does make provision for this, but that was a very different society where a rape victim who was unmarried would face a lifetime of shame and find it impossible to find a husband. That's sadly still true in Central Asia, I'm involved in a charity that helps women from there.

As to why I'm a Christian, it was both a rational and spiritual decision. You keep saying there is no evidence. Well, there's no actual historical doubt that Jesus existed, a lot more evidence than for a lot of historical characters whose existence is never questioned. The question of what happened to his body, if he didn't rise again, has never been properly answered.

I'm aware of the awful things that Christians do. My abusive father was a devout Christian. Other Christians we knew at the time covered for him. That's because Christians are human and do bad things, and yes, God has given us free will.

At times in the last few years I have come close to rejecting my faith, but I have known so many answers to prayer that have enabled me to still believe.

But nothing justifies the awful things that have been done by supposed Christians so I genuinely understand the anger on this thread.

reddington · 05/02/2018 13:10

Good for her! Do you still try to make her believe in Santa?

SumAndSubstance · 05/02/2018 13:11

People have such fervent views on 'theology' and yet they don't even understand the relationship Christianity has with the Old Testament.

DullAndOld · 05/02/2018 13:13

" Old Testament law, as I recall, does make provision for this, but that was a very different society where a rape victim who was unmarried would face a lifetime of shame and find it impossible to find a husband."

so a bit like Mary (mother of Jesus) then?

KateAdiesEarrings · 05/02/2018 13:15

'staunch' - very loyal and committed in attitude
^^ not just the reserve of Catholics and definitely displayed by a number of atheists on this thread.

astoundedgoat · 05/02/2018 13:16

@Lizzie48 - I think you're confusing me with someone else? I never mentioned parties or refusing invitations. I was just sharing my own similar experience as a teenager with the OP.

Lizzie48 · 05/02/2018 13:16

No of course not. I'm getting a bit fed up with the fat fellow getting all the credit for the pressies. Grin

Seriously I won't disabuse her but if she asks me directly I'll say no. If she asks me questions about our faith I'll answer as honestly as I can and if she decides that she doesn't believe I'll respect that.

DD2 (nearly 6) has already started to ask questions about Santa and the tooth fairy so I'm expecting the discussion to start sooner in her case.

DullAndOld · 05/02/2018 13:17

gosh thanks for that Kate...Hmm I wasn't being entirely serious.

I have often noticed that certain adjectives get tacked on to certain nouns, and 'staunch' invariably goes with 'Catholic'. Like a little joke?

DullAndOld · 05/02/2018 13:18

I mean you never hear of a 'staunch Methodist' do you?

Lizzie48 · 05/02/2018 13:18

Sorry, @astoundedgoat that wasn't my point. I was just saying that I wouldn't force my DDs to miss special events they were invited to, for the very reason you were saying. I guess I didn't need to tag anyone.

KateAdiesEarrings · 05/02/2018 13:20

Dull I was joking back. It does amaze me how staunch the atheists on MN are. I don't know any atheists in RL who are quite so 'angry' about religion. But then I don't many people in RL who are quite as angry as MNers on most issues.

Lizzie48 · 05/02/2018 13:22

Dull I was joking back. It does amaze me how staunch the atheists on MN are. I don't know any atheists in RL who are quite so 'angry' about religion. But then I don't many people in RL who are quite as angry as MNers on most issues.

Love this, it's so true.

JacquesHammer · 05/02/2018 13:23

I don't know any atheists in RL who are quite so 'angry' about religion

I’m not angry about religion per se. I would defend to the hilt anyone’s right to practice religion as they see fit.

What I am angry about is when someone’s religion impacts on me. I would welcome a full separation of church and state for example

NewYearNiki · 05/02/2018 13:31

I’m not angry about religion per se. I would defend to the hilt anyone’s right to practice religion as they see fit.

Really? If that includes abuse and oppression as it often does?

DullAndOld · 05/02/2018 13:35

" But then I don't many people in RL who are quite as angry as MNers on most issues. "

well don't forget people let themselves loose online a bit...act in ways/say stuff they wouldn't in real life.

NewYearNiki · 05/02/2018 13:37

Religion irritates me.

I think all religions are wrong for the same reason in that they prioritise faith over reason.

Children stop believing in santa roughly at around the age of 6-7 as they cannot suspend their disbelief far enough to believe a magical man flies a sleigh through the sky powered by flying reindeer.

Yet you have millions of supposedly rational adults who can suspend their disbelief far enough to believe in a magical sky god who impregnated a poor peasant girl, yadda yadda yadda.

On the Christianity thread someone asks if god can hear our thoughts ffs.

JacquesHammer · 05/02/2018 13:37

Really? If that includes abuse and oppression as it often does?

Well clearly not. But if it makes it easier to understand I’ll add “if within the law and not at the expense of others”

MadMags · 05/02/2018 13:44

What I am angry about is when someone’s religion impacts on me. I would welcome a full separation of church and state for example

Well OP hasn’t tried to have her faith impact you, but here you are...voluntarily posting and de-railing the thread, as are literally every other atheist poster...

It’s so funny that religious people get accused of shoving things down people’s throats! But then, that is the way of the atheist. You don’t get your hipster badge if you don’t trip over yourself to sneer at and ridicule someone of faith.

And I’m not even religious!

NewYearNiki · 05/02/2018 13:45

Well clearly not. But if it makes it easier to understand I’ll add “if within the law and not at the expense of others”

It wasnt clear from what you said. You said you'd defend anyones right to practice as they see fit. Choose your words carefully.

JacquesHammer · 05/02/2018 13:48

@NewYearNiki yes ma’am Grin

Maybe try not to be so patronising eh?