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Original poster

DD doesn't want to go to church any more

603 replies

jessicabenomi · 04/02/2018 23:18

First-time poster here...

My three dd's have been coming to church with me every Sunday their entire lives (dh doesn't come).

It's increasingly being a struggle to get my eldest dd (aged 14) to come. She always says she has too much homework or she wants to meet her friends. Today after we got back she said that the youth Sunday school was so awful that she never wants to go again and she doesn't believe in God.

She's had one of these anti-church "episodes" (I know that's the wrong word I just can't think of another) every few years, but has always calmed down and come back to church before.

Am I being unreasonable to make her come with me? I don't want to force her if she truly doesn't believe, but my faith is so important to me and my church family have been so supportive at difficult times of my life. I just want her to have that support too.

OP posts:
Dutchoma · 05/02/2018 09:14

Quite a lot of people do not believe in God. That does not mean there is no God.
OP Please assure your daughter that God still believes in her and loves her, whether she acknowledges that or not. Churches are dreadful for turning peole off God. I think He weeps over some of the things that are done in His name

BashStreetKid · 05/02/2018 09:15

I said those who state categorically that He doesn't, sound stupid. Because they can't prove it.

Oh, FFS, as has been said over and over again, you cannot prove a negative. That doesn't make it stupid to say that something of which no-one has been able to produce any evidence whatsoever over thousands of years does not exist.

there is a significant body of evidence against the one, nothing I can think of against there being a Creator.

Yet again, you can't have evidence that proves a negative. The only question is: what evidence is there for the existence of either?

TryAgainAndAgain · 05/02/2018 09:17

.

TatianaLarina · 05/02/2018 09:17

Clearly the vast majority of people think I'm being unreasonable, but I just think she'll regret it later in life if she stops going now.

Why?

I stopped going at 12 and I never regretted it. I refused point blank to go to Sunday school as a kid. I always intensely disliked Christianity and it bored the pants off me. That has not changed.

diddl · 05/02/2018 09:18

I've never understand why for some it isn't enough to have faith oneself & be content with that, but that it must be pushed on others as well.

The80sweregreat · 05/02/2018 09:19

My Mum was C/E all her life, i dont go to church at all but my brother does - a lot of teenagers stop going, its keeping them going along thats hard ( so i was told by someone who run a sunday school ) as teens will start to question it all. Best to listen to what she wants to do and respect her wishes, she may gravitate back to it, or she might not.
Making her go along against her will might cause more problems than it solves.

NewYearNiki · 05/02/2018 09:20

I've never understand why for some it isn't enough to have faith oneself & be content with that, but that it must be pushed on others as well.

Christianity has always been this way

Boatsonthewater · 05/02/2018 09:20

Why at the age of 14 are you expecting her to conform to your beliefs? She is old enough to make her own decisions. I did at that age, and stopped attending the Church my mother gave her life over to.

GoodMorning1 · 05/02/2018 09:21

At age 14 you need to let her decide for herself. I say that as a lifelong committed churchgoer. I appreciate it must be really hard for you to let her make that choice, but everyone I know who was made to go at that age when they didn't want to just became more and more turned off by church. Let her stop going and keep praying for her.

CremeFresh · 05/02/2018 09:22

Just because she doesn't want to go to church doesn't mean she can't be a Christian . Some of the most hypocritical , nasty people I know , go to church and claim to be Christians .

Standing in a church makes you no more a Christian, than standing in a garage makes you a car.

Pengggwn · 05/02/2018 09:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ShatnersWig · 05/02/2018 09:24

Yet again this is a thread that proves the majority of people don't actually bother to read the full thread to realise they are wasting their time

ittakes2 · 05/02/2018 09:25

If you force her now she may stay but leave the church as an adult. Let her leave and you have a better chance of her returning to her/your faith when she is older.

Pengggwn · 05/02/2018 09:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

QuackingHell · 05/02/2018 09:26

I say this as a regular church goer, please please don’t force her. My DH is a vicars son and was never forced to go to church. It took 10 years for him to come back to church but he did. And he is grateful to his parents for allowing him the freedom to explore his feelings and beliefs on God in his own way. Do you want her to turn 20 and all of a sudden realise she has no idea what her own beliefs are because she’s been too busy paying lip service to yours to keep you happy? Not trying to be harsh! But her relationship with God needs to be her own. And sometimes that begins with walking away and then realising her need for God. Also, the tricky teen years will be a lot easier if she feels like you respect her choices and opinions. And you do NOT want her to feel like you are against her! That’s just asking for trouble

EastMidsMummy · 05/02/2018 09:27

Pengggwyn, you say you underatnd that you can't prove a negative, then you ask for examples that prove the laack of the existence of a god.

Pengggwn · 05/02/2018 09:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Toddlerteaplease · 05/02/2018 09:29

I wanted to stop going to church as a teenager. But wasn't allowed to. So as soon as I was allowed not to go. I stopped. But found my niche a few years later and came back to it.

chillie · 05/02/2018 09:30

My 14yr old dd also does not want to go to church but does. She does not have to attend the same service as me nor does she have to attend the 'kids' who go out. She has to go at least twice a month and she can believe whatever she wants, I can't police her thoughts but she definitely has ears and can hear so regardless of what she wants or doesn't want to know about God some teachings will be going into her brain. I fully expect her to reject the church and going to it as soon as she can(18) but I also believe that she will return much later in life, probably when she gets married or has kids herself, like I and all my cousins and siblings have. In the meantime, it is only 2hrs per month sacrifice for me, her mother who sacrifices many, many more hours for her wants and needs every month.
Keep her going, not everything we do is for ourselves, it's not a huge ask , it won't kill her!

EastMidsMummy · 05/02/2018 09:31

*you can't completely disprove either [the existence of god or Santa] , but there is a significant body of evidence against the one, nothing I can think of against there being a Creator.

Happy to hear substantive arguments to the contrary, but not "But you can't prove a negative" - I know that.*

Pengggwn · 05/02/2018 09:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EastMidsMummy · 05/02/2018 09:36

Then perhaps you could expain what you mean more clearly, because that's exactly what those words in that order ask a reader to provide.

SilverySurfer · 05/02/2018 09:38

I'm an atheist and IMO religion was created by men to control the then uneducated masses. Two thousand years later, a few still believe but the majority of us do not.

As for the vicar being keen to keep young people in his church - I would have thought the reason was fairly obvious: no congregation = no job. I'm also unsure why you would ask for his advice. What other than 'make her come to church' do you think he will suggest?

OP, your DD is old enough to know what she believes or doesn't. The youth group is obviously not good for her. Why don't you suggest that she attends one service in the main church with you. It then is really up to her whether she attends in the future. You can't force faith on others - it just doesn't work.

ghostyslovesheets · 05/02/2018 09:43

please let her make her own choices

I was raised as a church going child, Sunday school, sang in choir etc

at 14 I stopped believing - my mum never forced the issue - she allowed me my own beliefs

My mum is a lay reader and when I go home I do attend church with her but do not take communion - I totally get what YOU get from your faith - but that is you. Let her walk her own path.

I have huge respect for my mum for letting me be me.

Elementtree · 05/02/2018 09:44

I read the op and thought how my Gan was able to keep me going to church for an extra year with the promise of a post-church 10p mix-up, but I was 7. At eight, I was done. At 14, she is more than old enough to make a choice and too old to be manipulated with vague ideas of regret or sweets.

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