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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DD doesn't want to go to church any more

603 replies

jessicabenomi · 04/02/2018 23:18

First-time poster here...

My three dd's have been coming to church with me every Sunday their entire lives (dh doesn't come).

It's increasingly being a struggle to get my eldest dd (aged 14) to come. She always says she has too much homework or she wants to meet her friends. Today after we got back she said that the youth Sunday school was so awful that she never wants to go again and she doesn't believe in God.

She's had one of these anti-church "episodes" (I know that's the wrong word I just can't think of another) every few years, but has always calmed down and come back to church before.

Am I being unreasonable to make her come with me? I don't want to force her if she truly doesn't believe, but my faith is so important to me and my church family have been so supportive at difficult times of my life. I just want her to have that support too.

OP posts:
LizardMonitor · 05/02/2018 08:03

Hah! Crossed post with ShatnersWig!

ShatnersWig · 05/02/2018 08:03

Lizard No, it most certainly isn't. I am amazed no one else picked up on it before I did.

BashStreetKid · 05/02/2018 08:04

I have a 14 year old and I would no more let him decide to leave the church as I would let him decide to leave school at his age.

Gabsdot, as a matter of interest, how would you force him to go to church and take part if he decided he wanted to leave? At least with school you have the force of the law of the land behind you, and have the option of home educating.

Pengggwn · 05/02/2018 08:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WizardOfToss · 05/02/2018 08:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SoupDragon · 05/02/2018 08:07

I don't believe in 'Christian moral values'. I believe in 'moral values'.

Me too. I’m not convinced specific religious moral values are necessarily the epitome of morals either. Being a decent human being irrespective of religious belief is by far a better thing to aim for.

BashStreetKid · 05/02/2018 08:07

I think there is a clear difference in terms of the extent to which we can ascertain that there is no Santa, and the extent to which we can ascertain that there is no God

Well, what is that difference, Pengggwyn? There is no evidence of Santa, there is no evidence of God. The fact that millions more people believe in one than the other doesn't change that. I'm really quite bemused that you believe that you can prove a negative in one case but not the other.

BartholinsSister · 05/02/2018 08:08

When I hear people mock the concept of Santa (and whether I believe it or not isn't relevant to this) and state with conviction that it is a FACT that there is no Santa, they sound like petulant children to me.

DogsDoodahs · 05/02/2018 08:09

Rather than speaking to the vicar I think you should congratulate your dd for a) developing critical thinking skills and b) being brave enough to say how she feels.

She’s seen the light. Hallelujah!

Pengggwn · 05/02/2018 08:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pengggwn · 05/02/2018 08:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

greenbeansqueen · 05/02/2018 08:10

YABU - if it is for her and she does believe in God she’ll come back to it or finds other ways to be spiritual. If you force her now she’ll resent you and your church. And realistically how long can you force her to go? When’s she 15 or 16 she’ll put up a much stronger fight. And if your DH doesn’t go then why should she?
I stopped going around the same age, and my mum was wise enough to know making me attend wasn’t going to help or chAnge how I felt about organised religion.

Nomad86 · 05/02/2018 08:10

I stopped attending church at a similar age. As soon as I was old enough, I started volunteering instead. Perhaps doing something for the community would help her learn the Christian values you are keen to impress on her without her having to attend Sunday school she gets nothing from. You could volunteer together and show that being a Christian is about more than attending church.

PeanuttyButter · 05/02/2018 08:12

I think this has all started to slightly go off topic..

OP - I wouldn’t worry about it.
I did the exact same thing at your daughters age and it’s extremely common these days. You’ve done all you can to lay the foundations for her life as a Christian now it’s up to her to walk with Jesus. She will be called back eventually (or choose to hear however you want to think about it) it may be in a few years time or on her death bed when she’s 80. All that matters is that she has been given the best opportunity possible and it’s up to her what to do with it. Just continue to pray for her and let her make her own decision. Forcing her as others have said will only push her further away.

ShatnersWig · 05/02/2018 08:13

Dogs There is no vicar to speak to. They have ministers not vicars. Someone like the OP who has been going to a Methodist church for well over 14 years couldn't possibly make this mistake.

I've reported the thread.

PeanuttyButter · 05/02/2018 08:15

Can I just add I eventually came back to the church at 22 and my faith has never been stronger. My husband is not a Christian and I go to church alone.
Prayer is the only real power you have in this situation, keep strong.

Mightybanhammer · 05/02/2018 08:15

Snap,shatnersGrin

Personwithhorse · 05/02/2018 08:16

Am I the only one who thinks it is strange that in 2018 people are still ramming this down children’s throats. Church attendance is very low and mainly kept up by the elderly. Not much fun for children

My total distance for all religion come from my poor mother, now no longer with us. She was brought up in an obsessive Methodist family that spent nearly every day going to church. Methodism then was like the Taliban - no listening to music that was not religious, no going to the cinema, or theatre or non religious concerts, not reading anything other than the bible in Sunday. And of course no alcohol!

I believe it has now changed as I assume people ran like the wind!

I have met a few nice religious people but most of them are not - like the OP’s statement ‘what will people say if I turn up with only 2 children’

KateAdiesEarrings · 05/02/2018 08:16

Shatner yy me too.

frostyfingers · 05/02/2018 08:18

I went to a church boarding school and we had chapel twice a day plus a long Sunday service. I’m pretty meh about the whole thing now and feel that if I’d been given a choice it might be something I’d have gone back to in adulthood. Sit back, let it be her decision and she may be more open as she gets older, push her now and you may well put her off for life.

BartholinsSister · 05/02/2018 08:18

Why report it? It's been an interesting discussion.

Pengggwn · 05/02/2018 08:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BashStreetKid · 05/02/2018 08:19

But I don't think you can even begin to go about disproving the existence of a Creator

I didn't suggest you could, Pengggwn. As I have said more than once, you cannot prove a negative. But how about trying to prove the existence of one?

Esspee · 05/02/2018 08:19

@EastMidsMummy .......there's no Loch Ness Monster? WT*?

SuperBeagle · 05/02/2018 08:22

But I don't think you can even begin to go about disproving the existence of a Creator

The burden of proof is on the believer, not on the non-believer.