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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Scout leaders lost my kid then blamed him

146 replies

Eliza22180 · 03/02/2018 18:14

I am a newbie - seeking some reassurance / a reality check here...either is welcome! Scouts recently lost my child aged 12 for 2 hours at a mountain outward bound place. He was told by scout leaders he could go off and meet the others at lunchtime. Apparently they told him to take a "buddy" but he claims he did not hear this. By the time I'd dropped him off and spent half an hour getting my younger child kitted out against the cold, my older child was missing - alone, no-one knew where he was, no phone, not contactable. I believe this breaks a lot of scouting rules, plus as a qualified teacher I just feel these people are totally amateurish. So easy to set up a list of kids with "buddy" names and ensure each pair had a phone between them. It's a big place; I found him 2 hours later; he was in fine form. I know he is more than mature enough to spend a couple of hours alone outdoors...but surely that is a decision for the parents, not a random scout leader. My anger has been compounded by a) the scout leaders robustly blaming my son (for going off without a "buddy") and b) scout dads congratulating each other since the event on how well it went! I could comment "great, except you lost my kid then blamed him". Frankly, I feel they should stick to their day jobs! AIBU?

OP posts:
sonjadog · 03/02/2018 18:17

Surely they are amateur if they are scout leaders, because being a scout leader is a volunteer job that people do in their free time?

AgentProvocateur · 03/02/2018 18:17

Scouts is great for teaching independence and resilience. Your son is 12, not 2, and you said yourself he was in “fine form”. And was he really “lost? The leaders are volunteers. If you’re not happy, take him out or volunteer yourself.

shakeyourcaboose · 03/02/2018 18:17

Where was he meant to meet the others for lunch? Did he go there or get lost?

helpfulperson · 03/02/2018 18:19

I would need to understand a bit more about what exactly happened to say. We stay in a place where on the site there are dorms in chalets and a dining hall about 200 metres away. I m might say to a child who had finished getting ready to go and meet the others in the dining hall. Where was your son for 2 hours? Could he not find the others?

MyDcAreMarvel · 03/02/2018 18:20

They didn't lose him, he wander off on his own.

MadMags · 03/02/2018 18:20

Son didn’t hear it?? I’d be dubious, tbh. DH is a scout leader and they’re anal about their buddy system!

Draylon · 03/02/2018 18:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

missyB1 · 03/02/2018 18:21

They sound disorganised. Presumably they have to have safeguarding training and policies? It was their responsibility to check no child was going off on their own. If your son was entirely responsible for his own safety he wouldn’t have bothered going there with the scouts, he’d have taken himself on the trip!
Yeah I hate that kind of backslapping “aren’t we wonderful” kind of crap too.

Caselgarcia · 03/02/2018 18:22

When they said he could go off and meet the others at lunchtime, I presume they hadn't organised any group activity until lunchtime? Where did he go to on his own? Did he actually get lost?

KindergartenKop · 03/02/2018 18:22

Yeah scouting isn't a job, they volunteered. So they will probably continue to do say jobs and give up at least one evening a week and weekends for scouts.

It was his fault if he didn't listen to instructions, hence why they blamed him. However, I would have checked they knew who was in their group or allocated groups based on age an experience.

FrancisCrawford · 03/02/2018 18:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SauvignonBlanche · 03/02/2018 18:26

I just feel these people are totally amateurish.
You can't get the staff these days, can you? Hmm

AuntieUrsula · 03/02/2018 18:26

Did he not turn up for lunch, or how do you know he was lost? After all, having told him he could go off, the scout leaders wouldn't have known where he was even if he had had a buddy with him but that is not the same as losing him.

monkeywithacowface · 03/02/2018 18:28

IME cubs and scouts do give children a lot of independence and on big camps etc. they are generally allowed to go off. He's 12 I don't think he was "lost" my 12 year old plays out around our local village for several hours at a time.

londonrach · 03/02/2018 18:29

Volunteer op. Its not a job, its a parent who volunteers to make the scout group run. If your ds at 12 isnt able to follow instructions id be worried. Talk to ds and volunteer and realise why alot of scout groups are folding! It was his fault by the way as he is old enough to listen unless he has special needs.

mamaryllis · 03/02/2018 18:29

Soooo none of them noticed he was missing, even after lunch when they regrouped? No one headcounted in two hours? Not one leader even noticed a child was missing?

Yep that’s a shit show. As a volunteer youth leader (and volunteer adult trainer) if any of my volunteers didn’t notice they had lost a child for two fucking hours I would have them on an official warning with retraining necessary.

Op I suggest you call the local regional office (not sure what they are called for scouts) and ask what the organizations policies are for missing children. In my organization I have 30 minutes before I am required to officially report a missing child.

ButchyRestingFace · 03/02/2018 18:29

So easy to set up a list of kids with "buddy" names and ensure each pair had a phone between them. It's a big place

Maybe it is. But whatever system they set up, they can hardly foolproof it against a 12 year old who claims he didn't hear instructions, can they?

Notmyideamovingon · 03/02/2018 18:30

They are amateurs you know?! It's volunteer led. At scout age they are expected to listen and take responsibility. I'm sorry I can't condemn the leaders based on the information given here. Why don't you get involved? You will be welcome (if you leave the attitude at home)

InfiniteSheldon · 03/02/2018 18:31

He's 12 not 2, he wasn't lost and you're a drama lama relax a bit or the next few years are going to really hurt

Original poster
Eliza22180 · 03/02/2018 18:31

OK, thanks all. I recognise responses are more on the reality check side, which is fine... FTR, I do volunteer but surely just because people are volunteers we shouldn't accept a poor standard job? Yes, my son was lost in the sense that no adult leader had any clue where he was. I guess this does teach independence and resilience!

OP posts:
mamaryllis · 03/02/2018 18:32

I train volunteers. It IS a problem.

bridgetoc · 03/02/2018 18:33

YABU....... Stop treating your child like a toddler.

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 03/02/2018 18:33

YABU. This is your son’s fault for not paying attention.

They are volunteers. If they just “stuck to their day jobs” as you so nastily suggested, there wouldn’t even be a scout club for your son to attend.

You need to have a word with your son about listening and paying attention when in unfamiliar environments.

safariboot · 03/02/2018 18:34

A lot of missing important information.

Starting with the timing. When did the kids go off, when was lunchtime, when did DS reappear?

What was the environment and the weather like? Was DS dressed and equipped suitably for it?

Where did DS go? Where did other children go?

What level of supervision was expected? What level was given?

And probably more.

Without information like that, nobody can say whether it was no big deal, bang out of order, or something in between.

CrazyCatMamma · 03/02/2018 18:34

I'm not sure I understand the situation. Were you there too? In which case, you also lost your own kid.