Scout leaders lost my kid then blamed him

[Eliza22180]

I am a newbie - seeking some reassurance / a reality check here...either is welcome! Scouts recently lost my child aged 12 for 2 hours at a mountain outward bound place. He was told by scout leaders he could go off and meet the others at lunchtime. Apparently they told him to take a "buddy" but he claims he did not hear this. By the time I'd dropped him off and spent half an hour getting my younger child kitted out against the cold, my older child was missing - alone, no-one knew where he was, no phone, not contactable. I believe this breaks a lot of scouting rules, plus as a qualified teacher I just feel these people are totally amateurish. So easy to set up a list of kids with "buddy" names and ensure each pair had a phone between them. It's a big place; I found him 2 hours later; he was in fine form. I know he is more than mature enough to spend a couple of hours alone outdoors...but surely that is a decision for the parents, not a random scout leader. My anger has been compounded by a) the scout leaders robustly blaming my son (for going off without a "buddy") and b) scout dads congratulating each other since the event on how well it went! I could comment "great, except you lost my kid then blamed him". Frankly, I feel they should stick to their day jobs! AIBU?

Or were the phones to ring emergency services? Sounds like you have made some assumptions about lack of supervision yourself to me, CPtart.

I have no idea whether your ds wandered off at lunchtime in the campibg area or was off on a snowy mountain alone or was on a dry ski slope. Your op is v confusing.

Im confused . You found out your son was 'lost' but still kept on skiing with the younger child?

I am a guide and ranger guider and I’m totally confused by the series of events.
If we were to run a similar outdoor event I would ensure that a leader was on every base and each guide had a buddy that they were familiar with on that activity. If some of the activities didn’t need leaders due to them being non dangerous, I would certainly have an adult on skiing.
We have a rule in guiding of 4 to a group if doing independent activities such as a hike.
It does sound like your son does need to learn to listen to instructions as a 12 year old, yet there are definately some safe from harm lessons that the scouter needs to learn from.
I volunteer because I love it, it is hard work and I have 39 guides. In this day and age volunteers are extremely hard to come by

So you heard the leader say he could ski on his own because he didn't fit into any of the groups and you didn't stop him? You have nothing to complain about.

Or the leaders told him to go to xyz place with a buddy, no-one checked he had a buddy, he didn't get where he was supposed to be and no-one noticed for 2 hours? Then I might be more concerned.

But it's not clear what exactly happened so it's difficult to say.

It's a mountain outward bound place, so I would presume it's proper skiing. I'm not sure why people are finding it so confusing. It sounds like the OP dropped her ds off with the scouts, then went off to get her younger child ready to ski with her, which took about 30 minutes. When she came back to the ski slope where the scouts were, her ds was no longer with them, but was skiing somewhere else and nobody knew where. It took her 2 hours to find where he was skiing, meaning it must be a pretty big place!

Sorry I don't understand? Are you a scout leader or helper? Or were you just there skiing

At 12 he should know not to wander off

Was he lost or was he skiing - did he know where he was

OP when I read your post I thought you're brave..you'll get pulled apart here. You'll be ungrateful for volunteers and your son will be to blame for being lost. There's no middle ground, they'd have said the same and stuck the boot in even if you'd never found him

I'm glad you found him, I'd have felt sick searching for my DC for 2 hours. Just don't send him back if their supervisory practices aren't for you. He's 12 get him into a hobby of some sort, something else he'd enjoy doing.

At 12 he should know not to wander off

This with bells on - Scouts is all about promoting independence but also being part of the team and being responsible for the troop.

I have one DS who has been all through Scouts from Beavers to Explorers and my younger ones are both in similar organisations. They always, always have a "take a friend with you" policy whether it's leaving the group to go to the shop for a can of coke when camping or wandering off to do something else. Unless this is the first time that the OP's child has ever been away with Scouts, Cubs or Beavers and didn't know what to expect, he would have deliberately misheard.

As for phones - banned at most Scout camps and activities. Scouting isn't about smartphones and calling mummy if you get lost. Many of the places my kids go on Scouts/Guides camps you can't get a signal anyway and there's a strict no valuables policy. Also can you imagine the outcry from a parent if their darling's smartphone got lost, dropped in the snow, burned in the campfire, wet after child forgot it was in their pocket and went swimming...... Just no.

This isn't a wee 6 year old Beaver we're talking about, it's a 12 year old Scout who will be in senior school and who is being trusted to be responsible. All this has proven is that the OP's child can't follow instructions, thinks he knows best and probably isn't suited for being part of the Scouts organisation.

And finally - a massive THANK YOU to all the Scouts and Guide leaders out there who give up their time to give my kids the opportunities which come with being part of your organisations. I very much appreciate every single one of you.

Lavenderdoll - if you read all the OP's posts, you will see she was just there skiing at the same time with her younger child who is not a scout, so not responsible for supervising the scouts; and that her ds was skiing and had been allowed to go off to ski somewhere else. He was not lost or hurt, but as nobody knew where he was at the time or how to contact him, they didn't know that. They said he was supposed to have taken a buddy with him, but did nothing to arrange this or find out what other member of the group would therefore be missing with him until lunchtime, or apparently to check he understood that he must not go off unless he could find himself a buddy to ski with (and then tell them who the other person was...). So, if they told him to find a buddy, he was at fault for not listening, but it sounds to me as though they were also at fault for paying such scant attention to what was going on in a location where the potential dangers were far higher than on the average scouting expedition.

Lord I'm glad I grew up in the 80's. I was raised abroad and our school ski trip involved the teachers saying "bunny slope that way if you haven't done it before, don't do runs you aren't capable of, have fun"
And then at lunchtime they'd be at the bottom of the runs looking for us to tell us to go eat.
He is 12, he knows how to ski and there are always plenty of people nearby should he have fallen etc.

Surely with skiing you go up the slope, turn round, ski down the slope, turn round, go up the slope , turn round, ski down the slope..........

So, not lost, just somewhere on the slope.

If he had gone off with a buddy then surely two of them would have been lost somewhere?

Surely with skiing you go up the slope, turn round, ski down the slope, turn round, go up the slope , turn round, ski down the slope

Waiting for the next part of the drip feed when the OP says they were actually in Val D'Isere with 2000 miles of slopes spread over three separate countries with 5 million people all skiing at the same time while the Scout leaders got pissed in the bar.

K2p2k2tog-😂😂😂

Waiting for the next part of the drip feed when the OP says they were actually in Val D'Isere with 2000 miles of slopes spread over three separate countries with 5 million people all skiing at the same time while the Scout leaders got pissed in the bar

He was neither lost nor hurt. The centre was big enough that it took two hours to work out what slope he was skiing up and down on. As a matter of personal preference, I would rather any child of mine did not go skiing on their own in a location unknown. Surely ski slopes can be identified, so that someone knows which one a lone child is supposed to be on?

He's 12 not 2. If he doesn't know not to go off alone, Scouts should decline his attendance on these trips.

My son at 12 did a night hike with the other patrol leaders: hike without adults to the camp site in the dark, pitch tents, cook dinner, sleep, have breakfast, strike camp and hike on to the end point.

There were leaders camped at a discreet distance just in case, but essentially they were on their own. They stuck the fuck together.

That is what Scouts is for. Giving them the autonomy we took for granted when we were that age. I would be out on my bike for hours at a time at that age, usually without siblings as we generally pissed each other off. Sometimes with other friends. Parents didn't know where we were, they were usually at work.

My ds did a night hike with scouts, too. They were in groups and each group had a mobile phone, which was lucky as one twit was being silly and ended up falling in a stream, getting soaked and needing treatment for hypothermia. They were 12-year old boys, not adults. The leaders on the skiing trip should have done more to ensure this 12-year old was not wandering off on his own, having told him that he could wander off somewhere non-specific with someone non-specific until lunchtime.

I'm a Scout leader. Safeguarding is drilled into us and everywhere we organise anything we have to visit the site beforehand and do a risk assessment. Scouts and their parents are provided with a code of conduct which they sign up to ( not manually but it is agreed that parents have taken their child through it). The buddy system is paramount and all Cubs/Scouts have it drilled into them. I find it very odd that a child would have been allowed to go off alone but if that is the case whilst the leaders have responsibility so does the child and their parents.

A lot of camps etc are run on the basis that the children have freedom to roam within the bounds of the particular activity. It is one of the things that makes Scouting great for kids.

I'd have a word with the leaders to get the full story. Speak to the Group Scout Leader if you still have concerns and be thankful that your son can go Scouting. There are thousands on the waiting list because of the shortage of volunteers.

I'm a Scout Leader and the thought of properly losing a Scout for two hours makes my blood run cold. I do however frequently not know where my scouts are for two hours, which is an entirely different kettle of fish
I've never had anything to do with skiing so can't really comment, though I'm sure I wouldn't have told a Scout to go off on their own during any activity (unless it was back to the tent, pop to the toilet etc) and I would be livid if any of them ever thought it was appropriate to do so.
So on the limited and somewhat sketchy information the OP has given I would assume that her DS was in the wrong (surely if you're a family of competent and experienced skiers anyway, your DS knows about not zooming off on the slopes on his own )
Luckily no harm came to anyone, the leaders will hopefully be slightly more mindful that their charges know what is expected of them and never trust the OP's DS to follow a simple instruction again and the OP can calm the fuck down have a little chatbto her DS about personal safety and responsibility.

So your son wandered off on his own and got lost? Not ideal but not really the scout leaders fault.

The other glaring issue here, is that the scout leader should not only have told him to take a buddy if not attending lessons, but should have been checking who else was going off onto the slopes as the buddy! Otherwise he would not know who was supposed to be in lessons, and who had been allowed to go ski.
He obviously also should have checked the buddy thing happened in the first place, a leader of adults in outward bound settings is fully responsible for their welfare (regardless of whether they behave a bit foolishly), so its really daft for people to say that at 12 he should be more responsible, and it's not the scout leaders job. It is - he admits he told the boy he could go ski for 3 hours, that wasn't safe enough, with or without a buddy.

All in all it doesn't make a reassuring scenario OP :-/, I think you're right to be concerned.

So your son wandered off on his own and got lost? Not ideal but not really the scout leaders fault.
Well no, he didn't, he was told he could go ski (scout leader corroborated that).
And yes, its the scout leaders job to keep track of them, it may be annoying, he may wish they'd always behave, but thats why kids are supervised, they don't always s

But xmas, in Scouts the YP are encouraged to be independent. I would expect the OP's DS to know he had to have a buddy, and to return to the designated point at the designated time. At our group any infringement of these boundaries would mean he would have to stay with the leaders.