Scout leaders lost my kid then blamed him

[Eliza22180]

I am a newbie - seeking some reassurance / a reality check here...either is welcome! Scouts recently lost my child aged 12 for 2 hours at a mountain outward bound place. He was told by scout leaders he could go off and meet the others at lunchtime. Apparently they told him to take a "buddy" but he claims he did not hear this. By the time I'd dropped him off and spent half an hour getting my younger child kitted out against the cold, my older child was missing - alone, no-one knew where he was, no phone, not contactable. I believe this breaks a lot of scouting rules, plus as a qualified teacher I just feel these people are totally amateurish. So easy to set up a list of kids with "buddy" names and ensure each pair had a phone between them. It's a big place; I found him 2 hours later; he was in fine form. I know he is more than mature enough to spend a couple of hours alone outdoors...but surely that is a decision for the parents, not a random scout leader. My anger has been compounded by a) the scout leaders robustly blaming my son (for going off without a "buddy") and b) scout dads congratulating each other since the event on how well it went! I could comment "great, except you lost my kid then blamed him". Frankly, I feel they should stick to their day jobs! AIBU?

Just because they are volunteers it’s not fine if they lose children. They are volunteers who take parental care and should be trained suitably for this.

Well that changes the story somewhat.

Being told you can ski alone for a couple of hours is not quite the same thing as being told you can meet others as long as you take a buddy.

Skiing?! OMFG please report these clowns. Where abouts was this? I work for outward bound/adventure type places and we would never be allowed to get away with this.

So ski ing is a bit different from wandering near a scout camp, I'd be annoyed about that! Also, where was he supposed to acquire a buddy from, if the other kids were all in a ski lesson? If they really were, I think you have your answer on whether he was ever told to take a buddy (sounds as if the adult responsible made that bit up to justify sending a 12 year old off to do hazardous activities alone for 3 hours...).

Interest declared here as ex-Brown Owl.

I fear your son is not going to enjoy his time with Scouts - or, at least, you won't - if this is your take on what happened.

Scouts start at 10.5 so I think it’s a fair assumption that at 12 they will have been there getting on for 2 years, if not longer.

Oops. Hadn't refreshed page and so hadn't seen mention of skiing.

However I would be wary about going in all guns blazing as he may have taken it upon himself to go off as he was bored by the speed of the others and the lesson.
But if that had happened the scout leader would be saying that, not that he told him to take a buddy and meet them at lunchtime!

Yes, he skiied alone for 2 hours. Yeah, I was there too, skiing with my younger child who is slower, and keeping an eye out for the older (once I knew he was alone) who we eventually found. As a family we grew up near skiing in Scotland and I've been going since I was 6...we are all competent, but not blind to the fact that it's a dangerous sport. These days I would not myself ski alone without a functioning radio or phone. I am not intending to go in all guns blazing...just wanted to know if people thought I was being overprotective. Thank you all.

I’d be absolutely livid!!! I know the lady who runs the local brownies and guides, and the risk assessments that have to be completed for every trip are rigorous! There’s absolutely no way that losing a child for 2 hours is acceptable! I would be taking this higher tbh, don’t let them blame your son for this!

So skiing requires an Adventurous Activity permit, so it may well be that it wasn't even scout leaders in charge of your son at the time. I suspect there is a lot more to this story than what your son has told you. Did you stay with them during the whole time?

The adults responsible should have appropriate safeguarding policies. If anything untoward had happened the adults would be held responsible. You might want to ask to see relevant safeguarding policies.
History is littered with tragedies where children may or may not have followed instructions, it is the responsibility of the adults in charge to ensure they are safe.

Your ds should have listened to the full instructions given to him before wandering off. Hopefully this will be a good lesson for him to listen properly next time.

Being a volunteer is not an excuse for not following scouting procedures (which they are pretty hot on) but tbh I wouldn’t blame them for thinking it’s all too much hassle.

So he was told he could ski with a buddy for 2 hours then meet them for lunch?

How extensive was the ski area? Could he have ended up in a different town, or just going down a different run?

He spent 2 hours ski-ing (although without a buddy) as had been agreed. Then you found him.

Would he have got back to the right place for lunch?

Really depends how big this place was. If it was all in a contained space then not much wrong except he should have taken a buddy. If it was part of some huge mountain range and he could have ended up 20 miles away, that's a problem.

Of course, he could have stayed in the lesson as arranged, instead of going off by himself. Was he really so much better than the others that he couldn't stay with them? Or did he just fancy off doing his own thing and conveniently didn't hear about the buddy?

Volunteering that is! Not not following procedures

OK, story is still a bit confused but no a 12 year old shouldn't have been skiing on their own for 2 hours. Ask the Group Scout Leader to investigate what exactly happened and if you are not happy with that then get in touch with the District Commissioner. There are strict rules/protocols for skiing and they should have been followed.

helpful that's about the most helpful thing that's been said. A clear plan for the OP.

A ski lesson? Is he a more experienced skier or was he just faster? No way would an approved ski instructor send a faster inexperienced skier off to ski by himself. When lessons are across different abilities, the deal is usually that the more capable skiers stay where the lesson is held but can go ahead and do a few runs up and down.

Then you managed to “find” him so it can’t be a massive ski area, but actually he was absolutely fine, so not exactly lost really.

Is it just me or is none of this actually making any sense?

My DS 12 is in scouts and did an 18 mile 12 hour hike last week in awful weather with a map and compass to get from a to b. A team of four 11 and 12 years olds with no adult. I think they're amazing. Don't make a big deal of this, but your DS needs to learn to listen.

I think there's still a bit of confusion about your post.

Did your ds come back for lunch time as per the instructions?
Ie neither him nor the leaders thought he was lost, just you did.

Or was he missing for two hours after the planned meet up?

Iwanna just because the OP volunteers doesn’t mean that other volunteers aren’t frustrated and don’t want to leave because society is all about what it can get from others.

If 'society' is asking that volunteers are safeguarding correctly , I think that's fair enough. I think you were a little unfair to the OP given that she does contribute too.

Just to clarify, this was at an outward bound centre. When you say your boy was 'lost' and 'the leaders did not know where he was', do you mean that he was on site at the activity centre still or had left the site? If the boys had gone off in pairs, actually, the leaders probably couldn't say exactly where any of them were (except on site,mas that would have been the instruction) until they met up again. And actually, this is the point if the exercise - they get some independence within reasonable bounds for their age, and the leaders purposely do t know their exact pinpointed location for the period of time given. Those children are not 'lost' because they are on site, having freedom within given parameters and rules.

So your boy went off on his own and didn't go with a buddy as told to. What exactly did he do for 2 hours and where was he all that time? Did he see or come across any if the other boys during that time? Did he feel he was lost himself and not know where an adult would be if he needed one?

Scouting at this age, D of E in a couple of years....it's all about freedom and independence within safe parameters. Parents need to understand children will be given instructions about timings, acceptable behaviour (staying with buddy) and how to keep safe, along with what to do if there's a problem. They are told this stuff and then given some freedom to perhaps go round a theme park or an outward bound centre and choose activities, without a leader constantly with them. It is age appropriate for them to have a level of independence. Parents need to understand these activities are not like a school trip for 6 year olds, where an adult remains with the group the whole time. They don't need to.
Yes, these events need to be run carefully, risk assessed and be age appropriate. Even though Scouting or D of E is often run by volunteers, it is not amateurish. The training And paperwork needed to take kids on day trips, never mind residentials is quite staggering. These organisations take it very seriously. Information will be given clearly to the kids. However, it absolutely is the case that the kids need to listen too and follow instructions. This might mean staying within a defined radius, making contact with leaders at certain times, certain safety rules. These rules are also age appropriate and the children involved have to be able to follow them.

Op, perhaps you need to speak to your son a bit more about the importance of listening and doing what he's told, if he's to be trusted to go to something like this again.