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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To consider three children sharing one room?

364 replies

TabbyTigger · 03/02/2018 11:03

Our current home has 4 bedrooms.

DS is 18 and at University, lives there but comes home to stay overnight probably once a month, plus being home at holidays. He has the tiny box room and always has done.

The attic has two big rooms. Currently one is shared by DD1 (13, nearly 14) and DD2 (12), and the other by DD3 (5) and DD4 (2). The fourth bedroom is obviously ours.

DD5 is due in two weeks (eek!) and I can’t stop thinking about what we’ll do when she’s bigger. Currently, the most viable option seems to be to put her in with DD3 and 4, say when they’re 6, 3, and 1. But the room isn’t huge, so would have to be bunk bed and regular bed (currently it’s just bunk bed), and then have very little space for much other than dresser. WIBU to squeeze the three of them in together for two years, just until DS no longer needs his room? (Then DD3 can move in there, and we’ll be back to just 2 sharing each bigger room). Or should I just take a deep breath in and accept that a move is inevitable? I love this house and where it is so really don’t want to move. I’m probably just overthinking and worrying, I just cant stop wondering about how new baby is going to change our lives!!

OP posts:
Pluckedpencil · 03/02/2018 13:33

My friend has three children and a two bedroom house. They have a double high up bed from Ikea that takes hardly any floor space. She then put two beds underneath. It is lovely for the 6 year old (10 year old in their case) as it's a place to escape to play Lego or dolls in peace with no babies breaking things. You would have to teach four year old to not climb up without you though. Then when older they could put desk or laptop station under at ground level?

Wisteria1979 · 03/02/2018 13:33

If you love your house and would like to stay there longer term, is there a garden you can add a sleeping pod or den like building to? You can get quite nice little studio pods with bed and sofa etc that could be great for ds now and great for the older girls later on.

Pleasedontdrawonyoursister · 03/02/2018 13:33

I haven’t RTFT. I have a 2 bedroom house and 2 DD share a bedroom. We have had a contraception failure and found ourselves expecting again. Although we plan to convert the loft, this is now not going to happen until I am back at work following maternity leave and have saved enough to pay for it. My children will have to share a room until it’s done. One usually ends up with us at some point in the night and if someone is poorly we set up a little bed on the floor of our room. Sometimes these things happen and you just have to deal with it...

Battleax · 03/02/2018 13:35

So you're expecting DC6, not DC5?

ShowMeTheElf · 03/02/2018 13:38

Hi OP and congratulations on your pregnancy. As the house is perfect for you and your DS will be off and away soon it seems mad to relocate to a less convenient location on the offchance he may want to come home when he probably won't.
I would stick a cot in his bedroom once the baby is old enough to be on their own, bringing it back with you one weekend a month when he visits. then jig round the attic rooms so that when your (by then) toddler is sleeping a bit better you can have 3 girls sharing the biggest room. You said it's a big room and there are lots of bedding solutions: bunks, triples, cabins etc to make the space special for each of them.

Aragog · 03/02/2018 13:38

My mum shared around as a child - 4 girls in one room with a range of ages. They had two bunk beds. And when my youngest uncle was a baby/toddler, for a while, he was in with them until he eldest uncle (small box room) left home.

Re age gaps. I shared with my sister - there was 9.5 years between us. Might not be ideal, but there was no alternative. You just get on with it. There was no resentment.

LoniceraJaponica · 03/02/2018 13:49

I'm not sure how relevant it is that posters on here moved out at 18. I moved out at 19, but rents were so low back in 1978. In real terms 2018 rents are much, much higher than they were 40 years ago, or even 10 and 20 years ago.

rothbury · 03/02/2018 13:50

I would put new baby in small bedroom and on the odd nights DS is home, put her in with you and DH.

C8H10N4O2 · 03/02/2018 13:53

I find this obsession that children are damaged by sharing rooms to be ridiculous. Mine all shared by choice at times, even when it wasn't necessary.

Most graduates don't have the option to live at home - they have to go where the work is.

OP I'd probably keep the new baby with us for a decent while, using the box room during term time if its a problem. Being realistic DS is there for nearly half the year with long Uni hols.

I'd put the three youngest together in the biggest room as soon as the baby is old enough to share with them.

If you have a decent sized garden the summer house is worth considering. Our neighbours did this - its warm with power, light and water - with the intent of it being an office and for sleep overs. The eldest moved into it and surrendered her bedroom to be an office!

Butterball17 · 03/02/2018 13:56

Can’t believe some of the disgusting, snobby and down right rude and judgemental comments on this thread!! Make my blood boil!! Who’s business is it how many kids the op has or the family dynamics as long as the children are loved and cared for... bore off with your judgemental attitudes.... a child coming into a loving family is a wonderful thing!

bridgetreilly · 03/02/2018 13:58

Long term, I'd be looking at giving the middle daughter the single room, with the two elder girls continuing to share and the two youngest sharing. For the next couple of years, the baby needs to sleep with you. You also need to invest in a decent sofabed or similar so that when DS comes to stay, even if it's just for Christmas, he's got somewhere to sleep. But you don't need to move unless you really want to. Sharing rooms is perfectly normal and reasonable, and you do, in fact, have enough room for your whole family.

Sophisticatedsarcasm · 03/02/2018 13:58

Some people are far too judgemental. They do realise we live in the 21st century where idealism is almost non exsistent. You do the best with what you have. My house we have only 4 bedrooms but have 9 people living here. My DM & sis share a room, my brother and his gf have one, my Nan the other and me, my bf and the two kids occupy the other but have a partition so we have the privacy. I know many people in the same situation. It might be non ideal for some but it works for all of us. As long as my kids have a roof over their head and food in their belly and they are loved all the same, that’s all that matters. People need to get off their high horse and except some people are less fortunate than others. I’m sure if OP could afford to buy a bigger house she would. Congratulation OP on your pregnancy 😊

Lifeisabeach09 · 03/02/2018 14:01

Love the attitude of some PP. Poor kids cause they have to share a room?!
Keep baby with you until older if doable. Then she can share a room with her sisters providing she sleeps well. FWIW, I shared a room with my two sisters when I was little (from aged 18 months until 7 years of age). We are very close today. I think it's healthy for kids to share rooms. It's the norm in non-Western societies.

butterfly56 · 03/02/2018 14:01

Ignore all the really rude pp's.
If you love the house then stay.
Kids sharing bedrooms is a part of life.
You've got the space it just needs some re jigging!
My thought would be to put the three youngest in biggest room together as soon as you think little one is old enough.
Flowers

deadringer · 03/02/2018 14:03

I can't believe the judgy comments on here! What the hell is wrong with 3 young children sharing a room? That is exactly what I would do once the baby is 1. I am from a big family and shared a bed with my sister when I was little, there was 6 of us in a bedroom. Yes they will need space and privacy when they are older but it's not an issue now. Enjoy your family op.

TheGrumpySquirrel · 03/02/2018 14:09

"Let me guess, the older kids aren’t the current partners."

Did you mean to be so rude polonius? Jesus Christ I didn't realise MN had become so snobby.

BishopBrennansArse · 03/02/2018 14:09

Not RTFT but my thoughts.

Baby in with you for 6 months, then in box room if you can get a cot in there with bed? Baby camps in yours when eldest is back. Should only be for 18 months after initial 6.

TheGrumpySquirrel · 03/02/2018 14:10

I would put baby in with you and eventually she has the box room and eldest DS has to camp once a month

AnnieAnoniMouse · 03/02/2018 14:12

Tabby. Don’t let the horrible posts bother you. I think it sounds fab that you’ve met someone lovely, adopted his DD and now have 3 more together. You all sound happy.

If I were you, I’d stop thinking about bedrooms for now. As you’ve said, you love the house, it feels perfect right now & everyone is happy. If you ‘upsize’ now you might not like the house as much and it might not work as well and it’ll be ‘too big’ much sooner when the kids have grown. DS is at Uni and it won’t be long until the girls are too, they’ll be coming and going and your home might always feel a good size

The baby can be in with you for at least a year, so there’s no hurry to make any changes now because the baby could stay in with you while you looked for a new house if you decide that’s for the best later on.

Stop over thinking this, sleep, eat, hang out with DH & the kids & drink hot drinks while you can - a new little bundle of cuddles will be here soon to keep you too busy to worry about bedroom arrangement in 2 years time 😁

TheFirstMrsDV · 03/02/2018 14:15

Fuck
ing
hell.

What a bunch of snarky, bitter, mean minded posters. Even for MN

The OP lives in a large four bed house not a one bed flat ffs.

OP the thing is that the first person who responded to you was an Arse so the subsequent comments were made by Arse Sheep

newyearsameme80 · 03/02/2018 14:17

Sophisticatedsarcasm the OP has said she is in a strong financial position and could afford to move if needed. So I don’t think you’re right about the need to stay in the house.
I think all is fine for now but older (10+) children will find school work harder (never mind puberty) with no private space of their own. This could be downstairs space doesn’t have to mean their own bedroooms but sounds like the house is small all round. However much the OP likes her house she does need to look at it through everyone’s eyes.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 03/02/2018 14:18

BattleAx. Tabby know which child she’s expecting 🤣 DD5, not DC5.

Believeitornot · 03/02/2018 14:18

Can’t believe some of the disgusting, snobby and down right rude and judgemental comments on this thread

^this

The child is on its way. Can’t really undo it so let’s be constructive people.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 03/02/2018 14:20

polonious apologised, so there’s really no need to keep banging on about her posts. It’s touched a raw nerve with her, we all over react sometimes, but few have the grace to apologise.

GnomeDePlume · 03/02/2018 14:21

Something to think about is not so much the sleeping space but the studying space. Your 13 and 12 year old will soon be heading towards GCSEs and then maybe A levels.

Would you have the space in the garden to create some sort of home office/study? Well constructed this could also double as a bedroom for eldest when he is home from uni.