To consider three children sharing one room?

[TabbyTigger]

Our current home has 4 bedrooms.

DS is 18 and at University, lives there but comes home to stay overnight probably once a month, plus being home at holidays. He has the tiny box room and always has done.

The attic has two big rooms. Currently one is shared by DD1 (13, nearly 14) and DD2 (12), and the other by DD3 (5) and DD4 (2). The fourth bedroom is obviously ours.

DD5 is due in two weeks (eek!) and I can’t stop thinking about what we’ll do when she’s bigger. Currently, the most viable option seems to be to put her in with DD3 and 4, say when they’re 6, 3, and 1. But the room isn’t huge, so would have to be bunk bed and regular bed (currently it’s just bunk bed), and then have very little space for much other than dresser. WIBU to squeeze the three of them in together for two years, just until DS no longer needs his room? (Then DD3 can move in there, and we’ll be back to just 2 sharing each bigger room). Or should I just take a deep breath in and accept that a move is inevitable? I love this house and where it is so really don’t want to move. I’m probably just overthinking and worrying, I just cant stop wondering about how new baby is going to change our lives!!

I had a part time job in a restaurant that I took on full time after leaving university. It was quite common while people were searching for graduate jobs.

Plenty of people don't move home post Uni! I didn't go off to some fabulous dream job when I graduated but I did live in a flat share in the arse end of nowhere, got a McJob for a while and paid my own rent till I did - your DS will have to accept that his room isn't going to be for his sole use. If I were you I'd keep a bed in there for him but use it to store the other kids clothes or similar...

Kids sharing is fine I have 4 dd's and oldest 2 share and younger 2 share.

At times we have rearranged rooms when oldest wanted her own space and she hated it... got her sisters to sleep in with her every night

You can now get great triple bunk beds which would be a idea for the younger 3 and in only a few years chances are you oldest will move out freeing up another room.

I have a 3 bed and have recently moved into the small bedroom (double bed and dressing table) to give the girls the bigger rooms and it works well

I always shared growing up with my sisters and have lots of happy memories of

Baby in with you for first year (mine were anyway pretty much and they had their own room technically)...after that eldest might have to sleep on the couch as they don't technically live there or at least baby can sleep there when eldest is not home and in with you when they are,or yes, switch rooms around so you have the smaller one and the biggest goes to the three sharers...what weird answers you have had...it's not that easy to just move house-plus sharing a room
Never hurt anyone? It's the norm and the usual choice for siblings to share rooms in Europe. Mine did until they were about 9 by choice, and used the third bedroom as a playroom... in the past whole families lived i two rooms-people are very precious about this nowadays...

Can the walsl in the attic be rearranged? We have a loft conversion , I call it the boys floor.
We have 2 small box rooms that have loft beds, with the wardrobes and desks underneath, and then the floor space is about the same size as a single bed beside it. And 1 bedroom that is slightly larger because of the awkward shape and sloping roof. We also had space for a toilet and shower for them. This is a loft conversion in a standard 3 bed terraced ex council house. Not some super expensive property. Its all about creative use of space. They dont have huge rooms but they all have a space to call their own.

I would also think about putting 2 bunk beds in the shared room. this is what we did before the conversion. They take up the same amount of room as 2 single beds, both the older girls get to sleep on the top bunk so no arguing about that. Or 1 bunk and 1 loft bed for storage.

You have plenty of time to plan this, it just needs thinking about.
As the children get older they need less space and the toys get smaller.

Could you get a loft bed for the box room, put the cot under it and move the baby in there, then get a trundle bed for one of the girls'rooms and have a spare bed sleeping option when your DS stays. Or swap your room with the younger three when the baby is bigger. My friend's three brothers always shared a room and they had a bunk bed that had a double bed on the bottom bunk but I love something like this, if I had three sharing I'd do this. I can't believe some of the comments on this thread. Three kids sharing a room, whatever next? Only having one car, not having a smart tv or phone, imagine the horror, some people don't deserve to be parents in land snowflake!

Oh, and before anyone flames me about the "have as many as your DP/DH would like as long as you can afford them" with "already too many in this world", I'd like to point out the massive western civilization generation set to pass away naturally within the next 35 years with 28% of them dying unreplaced and each subsequent generation being about 20% smaller than the next one, meaning our pension schemes and senior age healthcare will depend heavily on the taxes of the DCs like OP's. Either that or UK will be forced to allow massive immigration from overseas, and we all know how much we Brits love that. What May did to child tax credits is exactly why people without children shouldn't be PMs and will be stopped and replaced with subsidies for parents to raise more children within the next two governments or we'll have to kiss our welfare and healthcare systems goodbye... We're already getting a taste of that today (pip cuts, NHS disaster, etc)

My DS1 came home increasingly little when he was at uni. Not because he was unwelcome or unwilling but things like internships and travel came up. Can your new DD sleep in his box room once she is old enough and then just be shuffled in with her sisters when he is home? May not be very many nights and she will be too little and too accepting of her big family to be territorial.

My DS1 is now a post grad and DS2 an undergraduate. We have one room which is much more desirable than a second. If only one is home they automatically use it. If both are home together they either agree on who will sleep where or I step in e.g. DS1 had it the Easter before his finals, DS2 had it Xmas just gone as I knew his girlfriend would be here a lot. Both are fine to come home and know they are very welcome. Although I only have three DC, DH and I are both from bigger families and so they are used to constant room swaps - at grandmas, with cousins - and that's just our normal. Sounds like your family are close and could handle a similar vibe.

DHs youngest sibling slept in with MIL and FIL til she was 5 without any ill effects incidentally. This was literally her only room - it wasn't a co sleeping thing with her stuff also elsewhere. She's a well adjusted 20 something now.

I do think it sounds like your downstairs footprint could be small for the size of family though. I think if I was you that might tip me into moving before the bedrooms did.

Move or get an extension to your home.

If you kick your DS out now, it is likely that he will never be able to save up for a deposit for somewhere of his own to live in.

I think you should keep your DS in the box room, 2 older girls in the smaller of the 2 attic rooms and the 3 younger girls in the larger of the two. Go for triple offset bunks if the head height allows, if not a single and a bunk.

I'm one of 4 and lost my room as soon as I left for uni (my bro was moving his things in before I'd even fully packed the car!) - and rightly so, it would've been ridiculous for me to have a room that I used only once a term or so whilst 2 siblings shared. They just jigged things around when I was home or I slept on the sofa. No big deal. If you ask your DS you will probably find him not bothered at all about giving the room up.

@Chocolatesprinkledcrumpet would it be worth starting a new thread about that? I'm interested in learning more.

God I can't believe some of the replies.

Lots of good options suggested. If it were me I would keep the baby in with me for the first year, and then put the three youngest in the biggest room. I know lots of people who have three children sharing a room and they all seem happy.

I am the eldest of four, I love having lots of siblings. I complained a bit when I was a kid about having to share and not having as many things as my friends from smaller families, but now that I'm an adult I value them so much.

I have three children and I would love to have one or two more.

We had a similar set up growing up - 3 of us - in 2 sets of bunks in the big bedroom.

Meant a friend could sleep over too - and we used the spare lower one as a "sofa" for cuddling with the dog and "angst-ing"

Gosh MN is vile atm

Op has finances to move so she's hardly reproducing constantly with no options.

She's just considering the option of not moving.

There's no reason 3 can't share. But I agree they need to be given the biggest room or bigger children's room. Your teens will be fine as they have less toys as they get older and they may prefer not to move themselves if they are well established and have friends locally.

What May did to child tax credits is exactly why people without children shouldn't be PMs

ODFOD

In your shoes and assuming you can't extend, I'd be looking for somewhere bigger in the next couple of years. Three in one room (and it should be the bigger room) might be ok short term but down the line the age gap may mean its problematic. I don't think telling the eldest they no longer have a room and will be sleeping on the couch is a good idea at all, it really sounds like "this is no longer your home".

There have been some harsh responses and I don't want to add to those but I will say that as one of five dc spread over two rooms it wasn't ideal. Yes, we got on reasonably well but a lot of people in a too small house means no privacy, there's no "escape" for anyone who just wants a little head space. That becomes an issue when they're 14, 11 and 9! A larger house would make a huge difference.

Oh and I moved out at 18 to be a rep. I came home for a few weeks inbetween.

I actually asked my parents after a year why they didn't move sis into my room (biggest child room), bro into middle room and keep brothers box for me?

Not all children feel unloved and on a conveyor belt. Those of us raised to feel safe and secure in our parents love realise a room is just that!

@athingthateveryoneneeds

Well, I could but it isn't exactly an AIBU, is it?

But all you have to do is check out the percentage of women in the UK ending their childbearing years childless (22% and rising) and remember that of those who do have children, 47% stop at one and less than 15% have 3 or more (UK family statistics). Op is in top 1% of families by number of children.

Uk tfr may be close to 1.85 in total, but is 1.74 for British born women and falling. To see 25 years down the line, check out Italy, Austria, Hungary, etc.

Simple math tells you our numbers will drink drastically by the end of the century, with social system facing a breakdown.

Our old house was 2 up 2 down terrace. My next door neighbour had lived there her whole life and was 1 of 6 kids! They managed do I'm sure your 3 girls will. Have you seen those 3 bed bunk beds? Some also have stairs that double as drawers which seems a great space saver.

Why don’t you try something like this in the largest room for three of them and say the fourth bed is for sleepovers ?

No, not an AIBU, @Chocolatesprinkledcrumpet

But very interesting nonetheless.

Until I was 14 I shared a tiny room with my 2 sisters and our auntie. My brother shared with my granddad and my parents had their room with my youngest sister.It won't kill them.

If you kick your DS out now, it is likely that he will never be able to save up for a deposit for somewhere of his own to live in

Whaaat? Not everyone wants to or needs to return to their parents home as an adult.

I grew up in a quiet rural area with very few jobs. Much as I love my family and would have been welcome to move back home, I had no interest in doing so as there were no job prospects and because I wanted to be near my now DH.

We managed to save for a deposit despite neither of us returning to parents homes by the way.