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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To consider three children sharing one room?

364 replies

TabbyTigger · 03/02/2018 11:03

Our current home has 4 bedrooms.

DS is 18 and at University, lives there but comes home to stay overnight probably once a month, plus being home at holidays. He has the tiny box room and always has done.

The attic has two big rooms. Currently one is shared by DD1 (13, nearly 14) and DD2 (12), and the other by DD3 (5) and DD4 (2). The fourth bedroom is obviously ours.

DD5 is due in two weeks (eek!) and I can’t stop thinking about what we’ll do when she’s bigger. Currently, the most viable option seems to be to put her in with DD3 and 4, say when they’re 6, 3, and 1. But the room isn’t huge, so would have to be bunk bed and regular bed (currently it’s just bunk bed), and then have very little space for much other than dresser. WIBU to squeeze the three of them in together for two years, just until DS no longer needs his room? (Then DD3 can move in there, and we’ll be back to just 2 sharing each bigger room). Or should I just take a deep breath in and accept that a move is inevitable? I love this house and where it is so really don’t want to move. I’m probably just overthinking and worrying, I just cant stop wondering about how new baby is going to change our lives!!

OP posts:
Badcat666 · 04/02/2018 21:44

Dear god... why do people think children need their own rooms?! Its a bedroom, its just really there to sleep in it.

I come from a large family and grew up in a 3 bed house (2 large rooms and one box room. I shared the box room in my early teens with 2 of my sisters with no issues at all. We had bunkbeds on one side and my bed was built over the stairwell bit and we had room underneath for our clothes and bits and pieces.

We slept in it, that was its purpose. If we wanted some privacy we had curtains we could pull over and we all had headphones to listen to music. I had great memories of nattering into the night with them and sitting on each other beds listening to music and chilling.

Are we terribly damaged by having to share a small space which we spent a majority of the time alseep?

Course we are not.

OP, have a look on youtube, there are some really good large family youtubers who can give you ideas for dividing up room space and space saving devices!!!

And ignore the judgey ppl with their knickers up their bum. Your kiddies will be fine and grow up understanding about sharing.

Original poster
TabbyTigger · 04/02/2018 22:18

I’m not getting rid of DS’s room! I never suggested that - I do expect that at the end of his degree he’ll move out, because of a) the nature of the degree and b) his financial position.

Currently he lives in a shared house which he enjoys very much but comes home for maybe a night or two a month just to see everyone and spend time with us, and some friends who are on gap years. He spent a few weeks home at Christmas and will do the same at Easter, and spend more time over summer. I will not push him out of his room while he’s at uni!

Our room is slightly smaller than DD3 and DD4’s room so us swapping would make no difference. DD1 and DD2 have the biggest room, so I’d have the girls swap so that three shared that bigger room.

As mentioned we already have the outhouse kind of space - it is insulated but not heated, we have a few fan heaters in there because it’s not used all the time (just a few hours a day and often for DD to do something dance related so she doesn’t turn on the heaters!!). It’s where we keep instruments and some books as well. I think it’s quite a nice (and useful!) space for the girls to have so I’d probably rather it stayed in the function it has than make it a bedroom. I might consider it if we try three sharing and it doesn’t work out. DD5 will definitely be in with us until about 18 months, I just think past that it’ll get a bit difficult, especially given the fact that all she’ll have space for in our room is a cot. I’m thinking three in the big room with maybe the option to pull out screens or drapes of some form if they need privacy.

I’m definitely overthinking too soon, it’s just what happens every time I know a new little one is coming Grin thanks for all the lovely posts! I am excited (and nervous) for the family to grow.

OP posts:
ceeveebee · 04/02/2018 22:25

Wow I cannot believe some of the responses on here, people can be so rude!

I’m one of 4 (3 girls and a boy) and we always had 3 bed houses, when we were younger we had 2 kids in each room and then we had 3 girls in one and my DB in the other. I didn’t have my own room until I left home. It’s really not essential for kids to have their own rooms, only in recent years does everyone seem obsessed with one room per child

LadyofMisrule · 04/02/2018 22:35

Our four shared a room for several years. Two in bunk beds; two in short beds. We have a five-bedroomed house, but they said they got lonely on their own.

Teacher22 · 04/02/2018 22:41

My Irish grandmother had eight children and her mother in two rooms. My aunt had eight kids in a very small two up and two down with one cold tap in the kitchen and a loo outside in the garden. No flush either! Then they were given a four bedded council house and the two girls had one room and the six boys shared two others.

It wasn’t ideal. They did not flourish. Hoewever, they rattled along in the meantime. Your situation is difficult with today’s expectations. I think I would ensure your eldest gets his boxroom and that the baby is squashed in with you as he/she won’t know or care about the accommodation.

I also think I would move if I could.

RicottaPancakes · 04/02/2018 22:46

If you can fit them in mid-/high sleepers are quite a good idea as then you can put curtains round the underneath bit and each child can go there to get some privacy and they can also keep their own things there. Like a room in a room :-)

OxyLady · 04/02/2018 23:11

My 3 kids shared a room for ages - 2 in bunks, one in single bed. We have a 5 bed house and they chose to share, until eldest was 8 (others 6 and 4) when they chose to go to own rooms but it wouldn’t have done them any harm to share for longer. In some ways I thought it was really good for them.

cheval · 05/02/2018 01:16

Baby in with you for two years, or even three, is not unreasonable. By then, eldest will hopefully be sorted. And so another bedroom available. Don’t move while pregnant. See how it goes. Or maybe build an extension. Good luck to you all!

halfwitpicker · 05/02/2018 01:42

Do you think your DS will move out immediately after university?

^
Er, yes.

LeslieKnopefan · 05/02/2018 01:44

I grew up in a 4 bed house as one of 5.

My two eldest brothers (12 and 10 years older than me) had their own room until they went to Uni and I shared with my brother and sister.

We lived! We aren't damaged! But yes my brothers lost their bedrooms went they went to Uni.

Oh we also somehow managed with 1 bathroom!

DixieNormas · 05/02/2018 03:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Want2bSupermum · 05/02/2018 05:01

Multi millionaires here who have 3DC sharing one bedroom. Moved last year as I couldn't get the trundle in and out easily for the baby and there just wasn't enough storage. New place will eventually be big enough for 4 bedrooms and 3 baths. My DC like sleeping together. When at my fathers home they would get their own room and freak out.

Ignore all these people who say DC need to be in separate bedrooms. They really don't. It's far more important you read to your DC and make time to talk about their day, which I'm certain you are already aware of.

BishBoshBashBop · 05/02/2018 07:06

Multi millionaires here

What exactly has that got to do with anything other than being a stealth boast

CarlitosBae · 05/02/2018 08:25

Your kids will be fine. We have 4 kids and quite often they would much rather sleep all together (in my bed if they can get away with it. When we had our fourth baby she stayed in with us for a year and then easily transitioned in with her 5 year old sister. The older one loves it when the baby calls her name in the morning. I shared a room with my sister until I left home and I’ve got another friend with four boys that have two bunks in one room! Their choice.. they love it! You’ll have a great time! Congratulations.

manicmij · 05/02/2018 09:04

Wouldn't assume son will move out soon plus the proposals to have him sleeping on a sofa could give the impression he is thought of less than your other children. If you keep your No5 in your room for say a couple of years there may be separation issues when she does move to another room with being given the comfort of being with you so long. As you contemplated a move you should do and soon. Research the behaviour of rats when housed in crowded places, you will be astounded. Move now.

LoniceraJaponica · 05/02/2018 09:10

"If you keep your No5 in your room for say a couple of years there may be separation issues when she does move to another room with being given the comfort of being with you so long"

DD had medical issues so she was in our room until we moved house when she was 3. I asked her if she wanted to sleep in our room the first night, but she was so excited about having a room to herself that she went into her own room without any problems. So the separation issues may not happen.

MrsHoneyMummy · 05/02/2018 09:26

Only read the first page, so am probably going to repeat what someone else has said.

I think you should put the new baby in the boxroom when your son is not there.
If he's at Uni he will probably stop coming home for all of the holidays in the fairly near future - won't he have placements to do and want to tour Europe with his mates in the summer?
When he is at home put the baby either in with you or with her sisters.
I certainly woudn't consider moving house unless you intend to have more children after this one.

Fuckit2017 · 05/02/2018 09:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
TabbyTigger · 05/02/2018 10:12

Wouldn't assume son will move out soon

For reasons already iterated, I am going to continue assuming this. I know the thread’s long now but people could at least scroll through to read my posts... I have also explicitly stated multiple times that I do not plan to make him sleep on the sofa. He will keep his room until he moves out permanently (most likely at the end of university, in 2 and a half years).

Glad to hear lots of stories of those with 3+ in a room being fine, and with bigger gaps! All of mine enjoy having 2 share a room, I was just worried 3 (and with a 5 year gap) in one room might be a bit much. This thread has definitely reassured me (eventually!).

And our house isn’t overcrowded - we don’t have a lot of stuff (I’m a big minimalist!) and it currently feels the perfect size. Before DDs 3 and 4 came along it always felt a bit big to me! But then I grew up in a busy and full household so I guess that’s what I’m used to.

OP posts:
LoniceraJaponica · 05/02/2018 10:24

Children who have always shared won't know any different. That's why it will usually isn't an issue. Although I shared with my sister and hated it. She is terribly untidy and I am not.

tamepanda · 05/02/2018 10:54

Nothing wrong with three children sharing the same room. I would suggest that you have your youngest share your bedroom with you until is no longer suitable, then the youngest three sharing the biggest bedroom in the house to give them the most space in their bedroom for beds / dressers ect.

If your DS does move out after university, sometimes they need to move home for a while, at that point you could consider moving your DD's around and having a sofabed that your DS can make use of.

Biddie191 · 05/02/2018 11:25

Sorry, not read the whole thread, but as one of 6, we all shared 2 rooms, parents had the 3rd, and we were fine. Brother moved into the attic when he was 12-ish (5 girls and 1 boy).
And when they get older, think about extending the house, if there's room, rather than moving if you love where you are - it's usually not that much more than the money you spend on selling and buying, and it'll add value to the house, so it's not 'wasted' money.
Sorry if this has already been said and isn't practical :-)

Lemoncurd · 05/02/2018 11:42

I think it's one of those things that your family just adapts to. You'll be fine.

Although we had a 4 bed, we still chose to put three together for a few years. Put the oldest in their own room at 7 and then moved house and they all had their own rooms from 10, 8 & 5. The 5 year old wasn't very happy with that and came to visit us practically every night for a couple of years afterwards! Think it was reassuring for them to be together when they were smaller.

BengalGal · 05/02/2018 11:43

Wow, mums net is getting even more judgey than usual.

Congrats on the new baby! Your house sounds fine. Move later if your kids and you want to. We lived in Palo Alto, California where our 2000 square foot three bedroom house cost a very modest 1.8 million $ at the time. We couldn't afford even that really. Not many people there thought a kid needed his own room, certainly not a baby. We had two babies first, and they shared because they wanted to. All three 18 months apart. The third stayed with us for a few months, then his sisters wanted him to come stay wIth them. So they sleept three in the room (bunk and child bed after cot) until the oldest was 12. Because they wanted to! Now at 15, 13 and 12 they want their own rooms and we now have a house that fits.

See what your kids want to do. You can always keep the baby in your room for a couple of years if no one wants him. But they might like to have him as a roommate.

theyoniwayisnorthwards · 05/02/2018 11:55

OP some of the rude replies you've had on here are ridiculous, ignore them, people are so very strange. I'd keep baby in with you until he/she is around 2 rather than put them in with the younger ones, if it were me I'd be worried about baby disrupting the kids sleep.

By that time your eldest will probably be around less but if you can afford to move I would think about doing it then, more space will probably be welcome but you don't want to be dealing with a house move and newborn.