To consider three children sharing one room?

[TabbyTigger]

Our current home has 4 bedrooms.

DS is 18 and at University, lives there but comes home to stay overnight probably once a month, plus being home at holidays. He has the tiny box room and always has done.

The attic has two big rooms. Currently one is shared by DD1 (13, nearly 14) and DD2 (12), and the other by DD3 (5) and DD4 (2). The fourth bedroom is obviously ours.

DD5 is due in two weeks (eek!) and I can’t stop thinking about what we’ll do when she’s bigger. Currently, the most viable option seems to be to put her in with DD3 and 4, say when they’re 6, 3, and 1. But the room isn’t huge, so would have to be bunk bed and regular bed (currently it’s just bunk bed), and then have very little space for much other than dresser. WIBU to squeeze the three of them in together for two years, just until DS no longer needs his room? (Then DD3 can move in there, and we’ll be back to just 2 sharing each bigger room). Or should I just take a deep breath in and accept that a move is inevitable? I love this house and where it is so really don’t want to move. I’m probably just overthinking and worrying, I just cant stop wondering about how new baby is going to change our lives!!

I think your DS should give up his room personally - I started university when I was 17 and when I came back for holidays and the occasional weekend, my parents had rented out my room to a lodger to pay for my university accommodation. I was happy to kip on the couch as it was only once a month and I was just happy to have a home cooked meal and be around familiar faces. But then again, if my elder brother had moved out first (he's still living there at 22) I doubt they would have been so quick to rent out the PFB's room. 3 in a room would work fine at this age but only if the 1 year old is sleeping through the night by that point - if not the older kid coming in tired to school all the time would alert social services. The other option to consider if you really like the house you're in is an extension.

OP I have 5 in a 3 bedroom house. 2 girls share and the 3 boys have the biggest room while me and DH take the smallest. We could easily partition the big room but the boys want to share and so for now it will stay how it is.

For all those who say they could not cope with all the bickering that multiple children bring etc.....it makes me laugh when friends come round and are shocked by the calm atmosphere in my house. I can honestly say that we do not have bickering at all. Everyone helps each other out with studying and homework. They have respect for each other and for us. I know of another large family who say the same. I think sometimes people’s perception of large families are widely inaccurate.

I think the key to it is also having other spaces where whoever wants to can be alone and have some peace and quiet.
We converted the utility room into a small playroom/games room, used the under stair space to put a nice big armchair and a shelf and lamp, put a breakfast bar into the kitchen and then if someone wants to take them selves ‘off’ there are other spaces aside from the living area and bedrooms and it’s worked really well.
We currently have dd1 in loft room, dd2 has her own room, ds1+2 share, dh me and baby in another room. We have a huge sofa bed in living room too so that’s another option.
When ds3 is older we will re jig all the rooms but there’s so much space it won’t be an issue as rooms are huge esp loft. OP sounds to be in an even better position i that they could move if they needed to

Hedgehog I agree. Our three teenage daughters share. We have a downstairs room, nominally a dining room, which we could have used as an extra bedroom. The decision was made not to do that, but to have another living space - also useful for sleepovers or when the DCs friends came around and they wanted space with their own individual friends.

"I think the key to it is also having other spaces where whoever wants to can be alone and have some peace and quiet."

This ^^
As the parent of an older teen I can't emphasise enough how important this is.

What May did to child tax credits is exactly why people without children shouldn't be PMs

WTAF? Is that you, Andrea?

@Buxbaum Exactly my thoughts. If I had said no one with DC should be PM I would be jumped on, yet apparently the other way is ok.

As if anyone who becomes PM has ever had the need (or the eligibility) to claim tax credits themselves.

For goodness sakes. The OP lives in a 4 bedroom house. She has plenty of room. They aren’t living in a shoe box.
Plenty of people live in 2 bed flats with 2/3 kids.

How large is your garden? Could it fit a caravan or outside room for your oldest ds to have when he is home from uni. Might be cheaper than moving house.

We had 4 in a room growing up ...2 sets of bunks. 3 in another room. And 2 further rooms for adults (mum/dad, and gran)

I suppose we could have thrown gran out so we had an extra room... because mum and dad were been selfish to let her live with us and take a room from us kids.

People need to get off their high horses and understand having an own room isn't the be all and end all. We all grew up just fine.

YANBU......... Ignore the rude idiots on their high horses.

You can, and will make this work.

Good luck.

"We had 4 in a room growing up ...2 sets of bunks. 3 in another room."

Well, of course, we had it tough. We used to 'ave to get up out of shoebox in themiddle of the night and lick the road clean with our tongues. We had two bits of coldgravel, worked twenty-four hours a day at mill for sixpence every four years, andwhen we got home our Dad would slice us in two wit' bread knife.

Sorry, I couldn't resist that

For the record. I grew up in a 2 bedroomed flat and had to share a bedroom with my sister. I hated it.

Im due my 6th in a few months & live in a 4 bed! Currently the 2 oldest (12 & 16) have their own rooms & 3 youngest (10,4 & 2) share- in master room with bunk & single. Once this one arrives it will stay in with us, then at around 1 go into room with youngest 3 in a bottom bunk (so 2 x bunks)! None of my children have ever complained about their sleeping arrangements & the youngest 2 only sleep in the room, so if 10 year old wants to they can go to room during the day! And for the record they are all mine& my husband's - not all age gaps are blended families & tbh it shouldn't make any difference!!!! Congratulations & gl. ☺️xxx

Okay - obviously too many messages to address everything, so sorry if you’ve provided constructive advice and it looks like I’ve ignored it - I have just sat for the best part of half an hour reading all your responses. Thank you for all the advice!

To address some points - the attic is split in two rooms, one is a much bigger room (where DD1 and DD2 sleep), and one an average sized bedroom (where DD3 and DD4 sleep). Currently, I would probably move DD3, DD4, and DD5 into the bigger room and getting DD1 and DD2 loft beds with desks under. I’m not worried about them needing study space because they actually study together a lot (only one school year apart) - not necessarily doing the same things, but just sitting quietly and working at the same time and occasionally asking one another to quiz each other when revising for tests etc. I don’t see this changing as they approach GCSEs/A levels. They shared a room before they had to just because they wanted to. Our bedroom is a bit smaller than DD4 and 5’s room - we sacrificed space for an extra bathroom!

The problem with DS’s box room is that we’ve built a loft bed into it (literally attached to the wall) so that he can fit a desk and dresser in there, so it’s not really viable for the baby to go in there and switch it about. That’s why I was thinking in three/four years, when DD3 is 9/10, it would be good for her. And DS does still use the room, the long summer is enough to justify him keeping it for now really! And I’m not expecting him to live at home for more than a year after he graduates, no. Maybe that’s unrealistic but I’m hopeful that it’s a strong course he’s doing and he knows where he wants to go with it and the paths from there are direct. He’s already saved a lot of money from the part time job he’s had since he was 16 - he’s built up to be a manager on duty four shifts a week, so i think he’s financially set to move out.

And when the younger girls are 14, 11, and 9, this house will be more than big enough for them to have their own spaces/rooms because DS and DDs will be 27, 22, and 21. This “squash” as it were would only be temporary.

I’n reluctant to move because the house itself is lovely and we’re on an amazing street very near both (good) schools and near all our friends and our church. It’s just the perfect house for our family at the moment, but I am willing to move if that changes with the arrival of the new baby. I’m just thinking about options so we’re prepared.

The graden suggestion is interesting - we already have an outhouse like the one I think you’re all describing. It’s used as a music room/dance practice space/slump in bean bags space. We built this about three years ago because our lounge/kitchen/dining area is all semi-open plan. Extending the house isn’t really an option without losing all our garden space, we’ve already extended the kitchen as far as we’d like. We could potentially build something above that but I like the sky windows and all the light. Makes mornings much easier!

And to someone who got confused - I’m expecting DC6, who is DD5. I have 1 son and (soon) 5 daughters.

Thank you to all of those who didn’t judge!

How do you know ds isn't going to still be living at home in 10 years? House prices and all that.....

You would have thought he would have moved out by the age of 30.

How do you know ds isn't going to still be living at home in 10 years? House prices and all that.....

Like fuck are my kids living with us into their 30s. They will have to move out and pay rent, like the adults they will be, past uni. I don’t give a shit if others don’t like it, facilitating adult DCs not moving out isn’t helping them at all.

I don’t give a shit if others don’t like it, facilitating adult DCs not moving out isn’t helping them at all.

Neither is pushing them out to £800+ per month rents, so that they can never save up to get a place of their own and having to move every couple of years because the landlords want them out.

I grew up in a family of 5 dc sharing 3 bedrooms. It was a nightmare when the oldest hit their teens (18, 17, 15, 13, 9) and everyone just want some space/privacy. We all loved each other, just didn’t like being cooped up with each other. Hated that we couldn’t have friends over because we very overcrowded already

That was in the 1980s when it was more common. My brother left home at 18, I only found out years later my dad asked him to leave because the house was becoming too crowded as we grew which is really sad to think of now.

If money isnt a problem I'd move to a bigger house to give your children the space they need/deserve.

Neither is pushing them out to £800+ per month rents, so that they can never save up to get a place of their own and having to move every couple of years because the landlords want them out.

On DS’s current part time job (he does 20-24 hours a week) he earns enough to pay tax. He has a lot of savings, a combination of his own money (he hasn’t always been paid this much but he’s had a job of some form since year 10 and spent very little) and money we’ve set aside for him (somewhere in the region of £30 000). I think he’s going to be fine if we don’t keep his room for him until he’s 30... I know this isn’t the case for every 18 year old, but we and he are fortunate enough to be in a position where he’s going to be able to move out after uni, unless something drastic changes.

Sharing a room is lovely. I was one of 4 - 3 girls and a boy. Us girls had bunk beds and a single in the biggest room. 3 years age gap between each of us. Brother had box room. We had a great childhood, lovely busy house. I have 1 dd and sometimes think she has missed out not having siblings and sharing a room.

OP - your family set up sounds lovely, a busy house full of love. Good luck with the new baby

I think the room in the garden may be the answer. Is it insulated? If not could you look at insulating it or replacing it with one which is insulated? With insulation, power and water it could become a very useable extra space through the year.

If you are thinking to stay in this home you may also want to think about how you will manage when your DCs are older and wanting to visit perhaps with their own partners and children.

We had naively thought that we would look to downsize once the DCs were through university. Now I realise that we will still want to have space for them to visit after they have left home.

Being a family of 5 we stopped going to visit for longer than a few hours to parents as we couldnt stay without their homes feeling like they were busting at the seams. That lesson has been learned so we will be staying put for the foreseeable future.

I shared with dsis growing up. We are very close.My friend had all her dc share at different stages and now in their 20s they are so close. Mine all had their own room as had 3 and they never went into their rooms except to sleep. Still don't when they come home from college. But we do have a seperate living room they can go into with friends. I think if you keep the hub of the house a place where everyone mostly is it doesn't matter what size the bedrooms are.
My dss friend has that garden room and he hangs out there with his friends when they go around. They think its a great place.
But keep ds a room for the moment. Its impirtant for him when he comes home.