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AIBU?

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Original poster

Stepdaughter and BO

102 replies

Boxingdaydisappoints · 02/02/2018 19:06

DSD doesn't live with us full time, she is with us EOW and a couple of days in the week. At 14 she's totally into her make up and is rather good at it, I wish I had her skill. She wears a lot but not worried as I think this is perfectly normal at her age. What does worry me is that she always smells of BO when she turns up at our house. She obviously thinks her appearance is important as her hair is immaculate and so is her make up but she clearly hasn't showered recently. We often go straight out for dinner when they arrive on the Friday but I'm finding reason to cancel this as she's smelly! I don't have the best, most communicative relationship with her and her dad will tell her to shower when she gets here, but why doesn't she know to do this anyway? She must be able to smell it?

OP posts:
Helllllooooooo · 02/02/2018 19:14

No, you aren’t.
I’d be tempted to ask dp to speak to her Mum. Kids can be cruel and if you guys can smell it kids at school will.

PutTheBunnyBackInTheBox · 02/02/2018 19:14

Is it just normal sweating for her age or could there be a medical reason? A ex colleague of mine had to get injections Shock as it was a real problem for her.

If it's just normal teenage sweating then maybe buy some super strength deodorant (I don't use deodorant so I'm not sure if there is any such thing) and leave it in the bathroom? Or get her dad to speak to her?

Poor thing, being a teenager is bloody awful!

Helllllooooooo · 02/02/2018 19:15

Perhaps buy her some deodorant and leave it in her room with her stuff? Then when she’s about to go say “oh you can take this home if you like?”
Does her Mum provide her with deodorant?

Aquamarine1029 · 02/02/2018 19:15

This is a good time to start working on your communication with her. I say talk to her about it. Tell her how much you admire her make-up skills and you know how important her appearance is to her, but you've noticed the body odor. Perhaps say you had the same issue at her age (even if you didn't but say so to make her feel better), and your mum noticed and had to get you a different brand of deodorant, because the one you were using wasn't working. Kill her with kindness and try to help her out. Body odor is soooo awful.

Nemesia · 02/02/2018 19:17

Maybe she has PE on a Friday and doesn't shower after. Could just be that after spending a day in an overheated school she is a bit sweaty.

Pengggwn · 02/02/2018 19:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HighwayDragon1 · 02/02/2018 19:18

Buy her mitchum roll on I used to smell and noone told me until I was at uni and a lovely friend came to my room with a care package. She was so nice about it, I had no idea, you can't always smell yourself!

Original poster
Boxingdaydisappoints · 02/02/2018 19:18

I don't think it's excessive sweating I think it's failure to shower regularly (less than once every two days). The smell is BO rather than fresh sweat. I could smell it across the room it was so bad. She has periods so she needs to be showering more regularly. Her mum doesn't appear to be too concerned about appearance or house cleanliness and I'm a bit worried she's not encouraging her to spend more time on personal hygiene. Not my child though so tricky situation.

OP posts:
PancakeInMaBelly · 02/02/2018 19:19

Does she have a school uniform? Some uniform policies are ridiculous and they can't add/take away layers to adjust your temp, so you just have to sweat or freeze and teens smell worse after a day at school than on days off.

Pfftkids · 02/02/2018 19:20

It could be she's wearing her shirt more than 1 day. Sounds like her dad needs to buy her a good deodorant and have a talk with her about washing more and changing her clothes more often. Poor kid will get picked on for it, kids are cruel

Original poster
Boxingdaydisappoints · 02/02/2018 19:20

Her dad does tell her to shower when she gets here but she doesn't want to as she's all done up to go out!

OP posts:
TrinitySquirrel · 02/02/2018 19:22

It can be caused by the showergel she uses rather than not wearing antiperspirant deodorant. I can wear the best deodorant in the world but if I wash with a cheap fruity showergel I will stink of BO within a couple of hours. If I use something like Sanex or Dove then no BO problems for days!

Also it will be stuck to her clothes. They need to be washed in Daz or Persil or just binned.

Original poster
Boxingdaydisappoints · 02/02/2018 19:22

It's definitely not just sweating from one day at school. It's failure to shower. Kids are cruel and I hope she isn't getting picked on.

OP posts:
loubeylou68smellsofreindeerpoo · 02/02/2018 19:26

I second Mitchum I can sweat through anything when nervous but this keeps me sweet smelling

SmallBlondeMama · 02/02/2018 19:26

Ewwww ... "Ok honey why don't you pop into the shower and then we'll head out for dinner."

Pengggwn · 02/02/2018 19:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Boxingdaydisappoints · 02/02/2018 19:29

Yes she'll shower if asked by DP, but not before we go out straight after their arrival. Hope that makes sense. I don't understand why her mum doesn't encourage her to shower more often, she must be able to smell it. At 14 shouldn't she know to shower without being asked?

OP posts:
Nomorechickens · 02/02/2018 19:30

She doesn't need to shower straight away, just wash under her arms, apply deodorant and wear a clean top

Nomorechickens · 02/02/2018 19:31

I read once that 50% of the population aren't sensitive to the smell of BO, perhaps her mum is one

Pengggwn · 02/02/2018 19:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sunshineface123 · 02/02/2018 19:34

Couldn't she have a bath? Then it wouldn't spoil her hair n makeup if she's already done that. I'd take her shopping in boots and get some treats, throw in some decent deodorant and posh shower gel which could follow a discussion on how often to use them?

UnicornRainbows · 02/02/2018 19:35

Could it be her clothes? BO can be a bitch to get out of armpits if you sweat a lot or don't do a hot enough wash

specialsubject · 02/02/2018 19:37

Rearrange the timetable so she can shower on arrival and have time for make up afterwards. Everyone gets sweaty after a long day. Antisocial not to wash.

Vibe2018 · 02/02/2018 19:38

She needs to be told - in a very kind way, obviously. Its not enough that she just showers when she's with you. Definitely her mum or dad should explain things to her and get her proper deodorant and get her to have regular showers.

Original poster
Boxingdaydisappoints · 02/02/2018 19:38

I fear there is a whole personal hygiene problem. Apart from the make up which as I've said she's very good with. She has a strange way of disposing of used sanitary products which I've overlooked by disposing of them properly after she's gone. It's the whole having to be told to shower that's baffling.

OP posts: