Au pair yelled at ds

[bummymummythefirst]

We're on holiday in a beach resort type place

Hanging out at the resort playground today. Ds (4) has been playing with a couple of kids (one 6 a girl, 5 a boy and his sister 2) for a couple of hours.

All being adorably sweet and playing some nice game involving being Octonaughts.

The 5 year old and 2 year old are being watched by an au pair/nanny type of girl. She looks about 15/16. Parents are down the beach a little.

The boy suddenly really smacks his head. Starts bawling and the au pair is trying to comfort him.

Ds walks over and tries to stroke the kid's back like the au pair was doing.

The girl screams 'get away from him, just go away!' and gives ds a little push.

Ds comes back a little miffed and hurt but not lastingly bothered.

I was about to go and tell her she was totally out of order. And tell the parents what she'd done too.

Dh stopped me and told me I shouldn't.

So I didn't but now I'm cross with myself. Yes she was only young, and I wouldn't have kicked off, rather told her it's not ok to speak to people like that at all or lay hands on them even if they had done anything wrong. Which ds hadn't, he was trying to be helpful.

(Obviously my instant reaction was to shove her face in to the sand and go all 'Hand that Rocks The Cradle' on her. )

I should have pulled her up on it no? I feel like a failed ds a bit today.

Why did you let your 4 year old go over to another child who was being dealt with by a carer because they had smacked their head and were screaming?

Ffs I’d have told you to get your child off. I might have removed your child’s ha d too if they were “helping”comfort if I was in the middle of checking a head wasn’t split wide open.

His parents were 20 feet away. There was a first aid office closer to them than I was.

Ds was playing with them. He was with them. I was over the other side of the playground.

So you watch the child bash his head, heard him screaming, but thought, with all your years of experience, that what was needed in the middle of it all was a 4 year old going there there and patting the screaming child in the back?

I'd have probably told your child to go away and pushed his hands away. If I had a child with potential head injury and unknown kid (who as far as I know may have caused it) was trying to touch the child and parent was other side if the playground showing no moves to intervene or take child away then yes I'd have probably done the same.

I probably would have been quite sharp to a 4 year old getting in the way while in was dealing with an injured child - wouldn't have pushed him obviously but then I'm not a teenager.

You saw a child “really smack his head” and scream, and thought you’d sit this one out but let your 4 year old get in the way, and you wonder why the girl was annoyed?

I've already said that ds was much closer. There were also a lot of other adults a lot closer.

But no, now his head was split open and I was callously watching.

So being annoyed makes it ok to push someone?

you Should have got up the minute you saw the other child bash his head and taken your 4 year old out of the way. Why didn’t you?

I'm still trying to figure out how a 15 year old (if she is that) is an employed nanny/child minder and if I were you I'd like to get to the bottom of that.

In the end, your child was a bit upset, but not actually harmed. I understand you got upset, someone pushed your child and shouted at him, but he'll get over it.

How's the little boy with the bashed head doing?

Your BU.

Someone was hurt and your worried your child was upset.

Your priorities are wrong.

I was a little surprised at her having charge of such young kids. I'd have said 18 would be the very youngest I'd have to watch two of that age.

But then the parents were close by most of the time.

I've seen it so many times though, child carers being all smiles and great with the kids in front of parents then when they're not looking being off and unkind. In a couple of cases more.

I just think the grumpiness and pushing is a red flag. I'd want to know.

We were there another hour, kid cheered up and was completely fine. How should I be sat here worried about him still?

I love the way people on Mumsnet add thugs to a scenario.

Things not thugs!

So it's ok to push people? Or just ok to push children?

You are over reacting. Massively.

How am I over reacting? I didn't even bloody say anything!

I'm sure many people would have had a lot more to say I did!!

I still don't know where you get the idea that this girl is hired by the family. It's a bit confusing.

Yes. I’d have said

Come away now DS the wee boy is upset he will play with you later

And smiled at the CHILD who was trying to deal with it and taken my child off to where I was sitting (ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE PLAY AREA) and played with him myself for a while.

Wow, some of these responses.

A 4yo would not be actually helpful in this situation, BUT his instincts to comfort were correct and it shows he is being brought up well, to be empathetic and caring. I would be very proud of him! If the other little boy was crying hard and his poor nanny was also frightened, as a parent I would have tried to gently keep my DS back, telling him that it is very nice of him to want to comfort the boy but he needs to leave the nanny to do it for now. But it all may have happened too quickly.

As for your actual question, I think it would have been appropriate to say to the nanny that you understand she was frightened, but it was utterly inappropriate to lay hands on your son. That you will explain to your DS that good intentions are sometimes not helpful, like in this case, and you are happy to help the nanny if you can, but she was way out of line.

Pushing other people's kids is really not ok. You really should have told the parents. If I had an au pair who behaved that way in public I would definitely want to know. Either she's not coping well with the responsibility or she's just not really an ok person to use for childcare in general.

Your 4 year old was being annoying. Why didn't you get up as soon as the accident happened?

I wouldn't have let my kids at 4yo spend time playing over the other side of the playground with children being looked after by a teenage looking au pair. And the moment I realised the au pair was jumping up to comfort/sort out their crying child, I would have called my child straight back (or sprung up and got them). If my kids were playing with unknown children, I would always move closer so I can spot any potential issues before they develop.

It doesn't excuse the au pair shouting and and pushing your child away, she shouldn't have done that, but she seems to be a teenager looking after kids of a demanding age. You'd already spotted she was more grumpy when the parents weren't watching. I don't envy her at all.

I used to babysit at 15, doesn’t matter what’s happened, there’s no reason for me to put my hands on a child like that. People on here need to stop excusing shitty behaviour. If I were the parents I’d really like to know the 15 year old babysitter I’ve hired is pushing and yelling at strange children. Even if she’s not a babysitter, I’d like to know if my 15/16 year old daughter is pushing and yelling at children. Some of these responses are ridiculous.

OP I would have said something to the parents.

It’s not okay to push anyone, especially children, but I think if the child minder is very young and you did say the child she was looking after really smacked his head, she may have had a horrible shock which consequentially made her behave in a less than desirable way towards your son. Had she have pushed your son under normal circumstances I would be very worried.