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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Should I have shared?

439 replies

werkwerkwerk · 01/02/2018 14:08

I've name changed for this as it is very outing!

Basically, I work in a small office with 2 other ladies doing the admin etc, for a local business. I have been there, full time, for just over 3 years, the 2nd works part time and has been there for almost 1 year and the 3rd is a new starter, still on probation.

We don't socialise outside of work and I wouldn't say we were particularly friendly.

For Christmas, the 3 of us were given a bottle of prosecco, a box of chocolates and a scratch card.

My scratch card was a winner! £25k winner.

I was over the moon! I've had a tough few years financially and this really couldn't have come at a better time. The money paid off a few bills and the rest will be used as a deposit on my very own little house (as soon as I find it!) I'm very excited!

After new year, I invited the 2 ladies I work with out for a champane afternoon tea in a swanky hotel and then we went for manicures and pedicures. All my treat.

This morning, I was taken into the office by the owner of the business and told that the other ladies have asked him to speak to me regarding the winnings, as they feel it should be shared 3 ways. And my boss agrees as he feels that my winning has caused a bad vibe in the office.

AIBU by not sharing? I'll be honest and say that the thought of sharing with them never even crossed my mind and I still have no intention of doing so, but I just wanted to get some other opinions...

OP posts:
annielouise · 01/02/2018 17:01

It was your win and you were more than generous taking them out.

The boss had no right putting the blame on you for causing a bad vibe in the office. He should have said you all had a card and hers came up. Makes me think he's easily manipulated by them and wants an easy life.

I'd tell him if it has caused a problem you should have not bought us scratch cards. The present you gave us all was the wine, chocolates and the card. We each had one. There was no verbal agreement between any of us at any point to share any winnings. Stick to your guns.

annielouise · 01/02/2018 17:02

I'd have kept quiet too. However, I'd have only wished you well if I was working there although I'd have been a bit envious but not so that you'd notice.

astoundedgoat · 01/02/2018 17:02

I think that having a group meeting probably wasn't a great idea - they're going to go on the offensive against you and your boss is obviously a great big WIMP.

They are massively CF's and very, very rude about the treat you brought them out for.

MimiSunshine has it right. Be firm but DON'T apologise for anything - you haven't done anything wrong at all.

Thebluedog · 01/02/2018 17:03

Do not offer any more money to them.

The 400 quid spent, seems to have been wasted on them going by their reaction and comments. I think I’d take a bit of time to explain, how disappointed you are in them all following your win and that they’ve all upset you. I’d put it all back on them and then tell them you don’t intend to share your Christmas gift and if they don’t like it then next year maybe the company policy should be that no one gets anything.

NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom · 01/02/2018 17:07

You absolutely need to shut this down. Tell them it was your scratch card & you didn't have to give them anything but chose to treat them. Make it clear they are ungrateful cheeky fuckers & crystal clear that they are getting fuck all else.
Your boss sounds pathetic & I'd already be on the lookout for a new job tbh.

Boysnme · 01/02/2018 17:14

I wouldn’t share - that’s the luck of the draw. One of my colleagues bought the other a scratchcard at Xmas and we all said ohh there will be trouble if they win. But it was very much accepted that if they did win it was their gift and their win!

You have done nothing wrong and even if it did end up in dailymail you’ve still done nothing wrong! Although if you don’t want it there you should pull this thread now you know you are not being unreasonable.

FrancisCrawford · 01/02/2018 17:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FluffyWuffy100 · 01/02/2018 17:19

Why the fuck did you tell people at work and then rub it in their faces with a champagne tea? Of course that was going to cause bad feeling!!!

I’d have scratched. Said nothing and enjoyed my £25k.

Lucymek · 01/02/2018 17:22

Why are you even treating them you said before you wasn't even friends. Your
25k will be gone by the end of the month at this rate so your problem wilbe solved.

Don't share with them.

Bluntness100 · 01/02/2018 17:27

That's absolutely appaling. I can't beleive you all had your own scratch card and they want your winnings, or that the boss is supporting them, you can bet your money that none of them would.

Tell them it's spent. It's none of their business on what. Leave it there. Explain to them that you all had your own scratch cards and you do not beleive there should be or was an expectation that if any of you won the winnings should be shared.

Money grabbing and envious. Very unpleasant.

DillyDilly · 01/02/2018 17:28

What on earth do you want to have a group meeting for ? Inform your boss, that no, you won’t be sharing the money. End of. Hold your head high in the office and refuse to discuss it with the other two,

chickenowner · 01/02/2018 17:31

I agree with Dilly, there is nothing to discuss so a meeting is not required. It is your money.

All that a meeting will achieve is to upset everyone, lead to arguments and I predict that at least one person will end up crying.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 01/02/2018 17:33

Come to think of it, why did they get the boss involved in the first place? Surely if they had a decent case to make they could have done it without him, and how could they have known he'd back them instead of telling them to get over it?

Frankly I'm wondering if he expects a share too Hmm

Thebluedog · 01/02/2018 17:34

I like FrancisCrawford suggestion, get clues up in anti bullying at work and use that card if necessary

HolyShet · 01/02/2018 17:35

Your boss should have shut this down straight away.
Pathetic.

RedDogsBeg · 01/02/2018 17:36

Maybe putting them on the spot and confronting them with their spite and envy might shame them and shut this down but you are going to have to be very firm, objective and calm. Rehearse what you want to say, keep emotions out of it, don't get drawn into bickering. If one of them says they would have shared it, just reiterate that is their choice and you have no proof that they actually would just as not sharing is your choice and there should be no expectation on you to do so.

BabooshkaBabooshka · 01/02/2018 17:39

How much would the scratchcards have been if you had bought them in a shop? Would they have given you money for your scratchcard if you had won nothing - of course not, so why do they think you should give them money just because you were lucky enough to win!?

ladystarkers · 01/02/2018 17:39

Tell him you can’t, its gone. Yanbu at all, taking them out was a lovely thought, which I presume they happily took.Hmm YOU won it.

6demandingchildren · 01/02/2018 17:40

You were not in a syndicate and you were not given the scratch card on the provision that if you won you had to declare it and share.
It's all yours and yours to do what you like with it.

Lashalicious · 01/02/2018 17:41

WOW.

Op, do not give them a penny. In retrospect, your nice gesture of treating them to a tea and manicures was lost on these greedy women.

DO NOT apologize. You’ve done nothing wrong. Your boss has some nerve telling you to share as he and his office are the ones who gave each of you a ticket; what in the world did he think was going to happen if one of you won?? If he wanted you all to share, you all would have gotten one ticket to share, not one ticket each—common sense. This is all on the boss and the office who gave out the presents.

Plus, the way those two resent you winning, and having that “meeting” with the boss complaining about you and expecting you to share when it is pretty clear they wouldn’t have, I would not even give them the time of day anymore. You’ve been working there longer (makes no difference to having the winning ticket but you deserve a little respect), you won fair and square, it was your ticket, not their tickets, and they should be happy for you. There should be no envy or resentment or jealousy. The boss is probably ticked off because his ticket (yeah I bet he had one too) didn’t win either. A bunch of jealous asses!

I cannot believe the boss is trying to make you give your money to the other two harridans! If you were going to share with other people, it would be with your family or people you knew well instead of less than a year that they don’t talk to you much anyway (except to file a complaint).

If you had gone in with them on a ticket it would be totally different; if the office had given the three of you one ticket to share it would be different; but the understanding is that you each got a ticket to rise or fall on, and their poor sportsmanship is a reflection on them, not you.

EggsonHeads · 01/02/2018 17:42

You shouldn't share it but you really shouldn't have told them of your winnings tbf. You brought this on yourself. Probably time to start looking for another job.

Lashalicious · 01/02/2018 17:42

Absolutely DO NOT give them anything. And yes, tell the boss or whoever that it is ALREADY SPENT. Too bad for them.

bridgetreilly · 01/02/2018 17:47

If your boss isn't happy for someone to win, he shouldn't give people scratch cards!

MyBrilliantDisguise · 01/02/2018 17:47

Of course you shouldn't share. It was a gift to you, not a team lottery.

In fact, one of them might have won something and kept quiet about it - how would you know? There was nothing to say you each had to reveal your winnings.

I wish you'd done that, or said you'd won it elsewhere.

Lashalicious · 01/02/2018 17:48

Do not go to any “meeting” about this. Do not give any money, do not apologize for anything including for not keeping it a secret.

You are being bullied by those two women and by the boss. Report them.