To just feel utterly screwed as a single parent.

[Quiddichcup]

I've just got a new job. Pulled off a career move than should have taken 4 to 5 years to achieve. I'm going into a stressful, full on job, and I'll be on 19.5k
This seems like a big jump, but having just crunched my numbers I'll still only have a few hundred left a month after everything is paid.

If I just my balls and manage to get to the next pay band, I'll have a few thousand a year more in wages but nothing in real terms as I'll lose the final tiny amount of tax credits help I get.

I'm on a better wage than lots of women I know but with a far worse standard of living.

There still won't be much left to save either so things like emergencies/ holidays/ any out of the ordinary expense is still going to be catastrophic.

I was looking at holidays for dd and I but have given it up as it's too expensive. I've got some money coming to me from ppi but even 1000 isn't enough for a week in the sun...but a couple could go for 500 each ( with two wages coming in) and the child place would be free. While me, on one wage has to pay twice as that offer doesn't work.

I'm just having a moment where it feels like there doesn't seem to be a point where it gets easier.

Well done, and it's definitely worth it in the medium to long term.

Holidays - it's worth looking past the package deal, because I agree, it's annoying when it's one adult and one child and you end up paying for the child as if they're an adult. But you can do it for less than £1000. Look around for cheap Ryanair flights - they also do holidays as well, which is airfare plus hotel, although be warned that it's not a "package" in that they won't take you from the airport to the hotel

The less you claim in benefits the better, for yourself and for everyone.

I work, don't earn much, pay childcare and don't claim any benefits. I worked out that I'm working for £15 a week, when compared with single parents who don't work. It's still worth working, for lots of reasons. I want to be self-sufficient.

We've been to the Canaries around Feb half term time, sorting out flights and accommodation for far less than £1000 including all spending money when out there, e.g. was £400 for flights for two, £200 for apartment, then another 200 for spending for a mix of eating out, catering some nights and ice creams etc.

NameChanger that's exactly it. My post came across as incredibly self pitying and I didn't mean it to! Being a SP is hard but it's also rewarding. Holidays aren't important in the grand scheme of things, being self sufficient and showing your DC how important it is to stand on your own two feet is one of the biggest lessons you can teach them. Plus you get the added bonus of knowing that YOU brought your DC up and what a wonderful job you've done

I think you are being a bit unreasonable.
We camped every year until last year. My oldest is in her twenties!
That's with two wages coming in, and I felt lucky to have such wonderful holidays.

We've managed to find the money to go abroad most years - booking last minute, doing lots of research to get a good deal etc. I've never paid more than £900 for a package deal for two of us. However, our best every holiday was camping in Norfolk - it cost £400, which included the cost of buying a tent.

I want to love camping, but after humiliating public attempts at putting up the tent, I'd say it's worth considering youth hostels instead. You can often get doubles or family rooms.

what does the leftover few hundreds have to pay for?? is that for shopping or is that whats left over after shopping?

You may be surprised how far that couple of hundred will go. If its AFTER food shopping then stick it in a savings account for emergencies. You dont need new clothes every month. your dc wont need new shoes every month. your car wont need fixing every month.

Find holidays in the uk....cornwall can be lovely weather in summer. Or try something like sun £9.50 holidays....or eurocamp/keycamp/canvas/etc....instead of a hotel they are static caravans.

And think of what a good influence you are on your dc.... they will see you working hard for everything you get.

Congratulations on your new job and payrise, sounds like quite an achievement. I would also say you are setting a good example to you daughter about working/studying and not giving up. Re holidays have you considered joining the Youth Hostel Association. You can get family rooms some even ensuite these days & if you can get cheap flights you might just manage a holiday in the sun.

I am happy to be a single parent in so many ways - life is so much happier and easier than when I was with my ex.

But I do hate being permanently skint. I worry more about my kids' long term futures as they get older too. Day to day, we'll cope and get through it, they're bright lads and have plenty 'cultural capital'. But I can't save for uni/help with housing/school trips abroad like their wealthy classmates get and it is noticeable though they haven't been picked in over it thankfully.

I met my ex at uni. All our parents had similar earning careers, yet because his divorced when he was a toddler he had no financial help from them as they were both broke. The family money was split over two homes and so he didn't get the holidays abroad, working cars, first hand clothing, help with uni costs etc that I got from my parents. I mentally saw the effect it had and swore not to do this to my kids - being poor did have an impact in my ex's psyche as well as him having to work 3 student jobs just to eat. Now I've gone and done it to mine, AND there's two of them, so they get even less each! So that gets me down sometimes.

I remember starting a job and working out I was actually £2.70 a week worse off after everything was taken into account than I was on Income Support. But I got pay rises, occasional overtime and later a better, higher paid job, so it did work out better long term. Shame I got made redundant but hey ho... Anyway if I had to live in a tent I'd still wake up happy that my ex wasn't in the tent with me so overall it's a win, I think, for their emotional wellbeing as well as mine.

What really screws so many single parents is that non-resident parents are allowed to get away with paying nothing to support their kids.

^ THis x 1000

Why should your ex get away with paying less and less maintenance just because he chooses to have more dc? His first responsibility is to his existing DC.

OP I completely get where you're coming from. It's very hard and can feel soul destroying at times but stick with it. I was in your shoes. Single parent, 2 kids. Didn't receive any maintenance from their father. I worked so hard and got promoted and lost all my tax credits. I went without a holiday for 10 years. But it did get better. By the time my youngest reached 18 I was on a far better salary and finally started to feel more comfortable. And I managed to take us on holiday. Then when I eventually met someone and we moved in together life became soooo much easier. I have huge respect for you. You are doing a fab job

I'm going to Tenerife with three kids and our flights were 435 euro. I usually book in Jan! Apartment costs me 400. I've been every year for the last four.

I appreciate what you are saying about working so hard for not very much immediate reward because of tax credits but I think that you are definitely going to reap the rewards in the future.

Don't forget as well that TCs will be replaced by UC eventually and you may find that UC is not as generous as TCs and there is more bureaucracy.

Another major benefit is that DD sees you working and grows up to aspire to work hard just like you have.

i'd feel it's cold comfort that you are contributing £8k more to support people that need it more, but you should be proud of yourself and explain how much extra money you are contributing to your DD.

Remember there are lifetime higher earning benefits to your DD from seeing her mum having a successful career - that small increase a month and small increases over the years is teaching her to value herself and her career, and she'll do better in life because you've kicked yours up a gear.

Do you have a friend you could go on holiday with, another single parent to be able to claim the family discounts?

Chin up Quiddichcup - it will only get better.

My DC are 18 & 16 now & I'm so glad I busted my butt when they were younger. It was a knife edge of juggling, I never seemed to have any money - BUT now it is better. I've got a good job and my income has slowly gone up over the years and the kids are less expensive (no more holiday clubs and they earn a bit themselves during the holidays).

You can do a holiday abroad for less than you think, if you are happy to go camping or even stay in a mobile home on a camp site. Go on the ferry, drive to an inland campsite as they tend to be cheaper than the coastal ones. I've just done a quick Google & you could go on Brittany Ferries on 22nd August for £330 return (Portsmouth to Cherbourg), drive to a camping place called Huttopia (huttopia.com) and stay in a pre-erected tent with two beds for 507.20 Euro. Add in a bit of food & petrol and you'd easily bring it in under £1k. You could probably do it cheaper too, if you looked at a shorter ferry crossing and other campsites too.

I’ve sent you a pm OP, you can find some amazing deals out there,

I didn’t mean to offend re the partner comment, i am just assuming people’s lives are like my own. Life is easier for me now with my husband than it was before he came along- your right it isn’t the same for every one or every relationship.

OP, you can find a cheap flight and an AirBnB in a nice sunny destination for less than £1k. You just need to avoid the most popular destination, something like Ibiza is ridiculously expensive, whilst you can have a great holiday in some lovely Portuguese or Croatian town.

Or look at package holidays, because they are bought in bulk, seats and hotels can be a whole lot cheaper than travelling independently.

Easyjet to Greece or Spain, airbnb, cook for yourself for some meals.

I really feel for you, OP. Look at Tui, op, for last-minute deals. Last year my partner and I went to Cape Verde to a beautiful 4.5 star hotel from Glasgow, all inclusive. It was £800 all-in (so would be the same for you and your daughter). It was fairly last minute (about 6 weeks beforehand) so I think they just wanted to fill the seats on the plane. It included everything - flights, meals and drinks on the flight, luggage and transfers, 24-hour food and drink at the hotel, right on a lovely beach. I really hope you can find a similar deal.

Also, look at Malta. They have incredibly cheap deals slightly out of season (but still hot and beautiful). Far, far less than £1K for two people. And it's a gorgeous place.

Agree with a really cheap flight to Greece (Ryanair or easyjet, hand luggage only). Look at Love Holidays. Amazing bargains - lots of small lovely self-catering Greek apartments/hotels on the beach for a couple of hundred a week. Eating out there is cheap as chips. You could definitely do a week for travel, transport, food and drink for under 1K.

I think I need to leave the holiday. It makes more sense to save the money.

Just frustrared.

However, new job means I'll not get the 10 a month housing benefit i currently get, and having just spent 45 mins on the phone about adjustments going back as far as 2012, this makes me happy.

I'll get the tent out and just get on with it.

Thank you to those that have offered support and advice. It does help to know it's not just me and that it might all be worth it.

Hi, also a single parent. I'm lucky my wage is well above average, it's a job I had before children though and I think that makes a difference. I've been able to go very part time and still be paid relatively well (did get tax credits then though) and when I increased from 16 to 30 hrs when DC went to school I saw the dividends massively in my pay packet. I could still go to full time too which would help but I don't want to....

I know it's hard, when I was part time on approx what you earn we struggled, I went without while DC had everything she needed and we had no spare cash for emergencies etc.

I did manage a holiday abroad every year though albeit on a shoestring, I could go in term time tho which helped. If you book your flights and accommodation separately it helps with budgeting - I buy my flights as soon as they're released by easyJet for the next year, so v cheap, be flexible about dates to find the cheapest, then book accommodation nearer the time. It is do- able.

I feel for you though I was so glad when my wages increased, it's hard and depressing struggling with money all the time.

Totally agree op, single parent with 2 kids here. Well done on the job though.