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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave 2 year old at home?

999 replies

Ember12 · 29/01/2018 22:10

Me and my oh have been discussing going on holiday with the children in in late august, i was telling my mother about it and she offered to look after my 2 year old for the week Smile spoke to my oh and he thought it was a great idea he would ask his parents to help my mother out that week aswell, we would be be able to go to theme/water parks and take the older 2 on rides etc without one of us having to stay with the baby. Would be able to relax alot more around the pool ad my older two are very confident in water. Anyway were having holy hell over it all with my brothers girlfriend what awful and selfish parents we are and how my mother is playing favourites! My mother works 12 hour shifts 5 days a week and takes turns looking after all her grandchildren 1 stays each sunday night so no favouritism at all! She looked after my brothers children for 3 days while they went on a short break. Aibu in accepting my mothers offer? Or does it really make me a selfish and awful mother?

OP posts:
Bluelady · 30/01/2018 09:03

Maybe she's choosing to spend her holiday having some one to one time with her beloved two year old grandchild.

senua · 30/01/2018 09:05

I am going to speak to my mother tonight about her coming along

She still gets to do your babysitting, just in a different location. Lucky her.
Does your father get invited, too, or do you not have a job for him to do?

pudcat · 30/01/2018 09:06

YANBU I looked after my 2 granddaughters aged 5 and 18 months so that their parents could go away for a week. Everything was fine. It was half term so I was on holiday from teaching. The 2 year old will be fine - he is with his Granny not a complete stranger. Surely families can help each other without others saying they are imposing or being selfish.

greendale17 · 30/01/2018 09:07

I dont think it’s nice at all, sorry. You’re a family. You made a choice to have a baby who is now 2. I’d hate to have a family holiday leaving out a member of the family. Sorry. I do think it’s quite selfish and sends the wrong message to your older children and the younger one too when she is old enough to see the photos etc.

^This. I couldn’t and wouldn’t do it

duckponds · 30/01/2018 09:09

*Taking a break as a couple = fine
Taking a break as a family = fine
One on one break with individual child = fine (as long as each child gets a go)

Going away as a family and leaving one member behind = not fine for me.

Sorry.*

^^ This

I don’t think you can break the family up like this, it’s just wrong. My 2 year old has a very good memory and she would be traumatised by being left behind.

Sarahh2014 · 30/01/2018 09:09

Your brothers gf is clearly jealous doner u feel is right

Sarahh2014 · 30/01/2018 09:09

Do what not doner lol

greendale17 · 30/01/2018 09:10

your Mum works 60 hours a week you should all back off with your childcare demands.

^This. I can’t blame the girlfriend for saying something. Sounds like your taking the piss with your childcare

Bluelonerose · 30/01/2018 09:11

Haven't rtft but as someone who has to teen dcs and a 7 year old I would say go for it. I did take all 3 of my dcs to butlins but couldn't do a lot with the older two coz use to have to pay to put ds2 in childcare which defeats the point of spending time with them (single parent at the time) youll have PLENTY of time to holuday as a family in a few years. Hth

Original poster
Ember12 · 30/01/2018 09:11

chances are she wont agree as i have previously said she uses that time to spend time with family how my mother chooses to spend her holiday is neither mine or anyone elses business. If she didnt want to watch her she wouldnt of offered and i would have never asked.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ember12 · 30/01/2018 09:13

She has my brothers children just as much as mine she has 7 grandchilden.

OP posts:
Buglife · 30/01/2018 09:15

Brothers girlfriend has nothing to do with it and she sounds like someone who likes to create aggro so YANBU about ignoring her! I do agree with some PP though that it is a bit odd to go on a proper family holiday without one of the kids. I’ve been on a couple of nights away leaving my toddler with grandparents but I feel if your 2 year old is used to being surrounded with siblings and parents the sudden lack of that for a week (or more?) would be quite a shock and they’d probably miss you all. I’m pregnant with DC2 who will be 4 years younger than DS when born so in the future there will be times when DS will want to do activities the younger one can’t, but I’d always assume to answer to that would be for one parents to stay with each. Maybe a day out without the tiny one but not a whole holiday. I think taking your mum with you sounds like a great plan, I’m hoping my parents will want to go on holiday with us next year when we’ll have a 1 year old and a 5 year old!

Fluffy40 · 30/01/2018 09:17

Take your Mum with you, she would love it

waddlemyway · 30/01/2018 09:17

Is it an option to take DM on holiday with you (if she takes time off to spend with the family then anyway, she might as well spend it with 3 of her grandchildren instead of 1) so she can look after DC3 while you are at the waterparks, going out for dinner etc?

minipie · 30/01/2018 09:20

I wouldn't - my 2 year old would be well aware she was being left out and would hate it. If it was a 1 year old I'd say they wouldn't notice but 2 year olds notice a lot, especially things their older siblings do and they don't get to do.

Aworldofmyown · 30/01/2018 09:20

If you think of it this way the youngest child will get holidays alone with her parents when she's coming up for a teen. The older two will probably want to stay at home by then. That doesn't make them any less of a family.

Its a week! I think its lovely for children to have one on one time with grandparents, and older kids to get quality time with there parents.

My mum offered to have my 1 year old while we went to Florida with the older two, I didn't take her up on it but I did seriously consider it.

SnapesTears · 30/01/2018 09:20

It depends really. If it was just a few days treat for the older ones I’d do it and have a toddler friendly trip later.

I don’t think I could leave behind a little one for a week or two. It would spoil my enjoyment of the holiday. I’d rather have a bit of inconvenience and have the bairn with me.

I wouldn’t criticise you for whatever you choose to do, however.

greenllicic · 30/01/2018 09:20

It's none of your brothers oh business. I left my 1st child at 18 months old with my parents while we went away for a week. I had no problem at all as I knew she loved being with her Nan. She had a whale of a time and was spoilt rotten with days out. Ignore what she is saying and just go with your own feelings on the matter. If you're going to go and feel guilty then you may as well just take your youngest as it would spoil the enjoyment

Original poster
Ember12 · 30/01/2018 09:21

I mean i would never of asked her to watch her in general not regarding this holiday

OP posts:
Dancergirl · 30/01/2018 09:29

My 2 year old has a very good memory and she would be traumatised by being left behind

That's YOUR 2 year old, you can't speak for the OP's child. For all we know, the 2 year old could be having a whale of a time with her grandparents.

Apparently when I was a baby, my parents and older sister had a holiday and left me not with family but with......the Norland Nanny training college! I don't have any strong feelings about it, I'm sure I was well cared for. I was younger than 2 though.

I think the OP is getting a bit of a hard time here. What about the older children's feelings? They would benefit from having a holiday with their parents without their toddler sibling around. It's only a week.

Inthedeepdarkwinter · 30/01/2018 09:30

I think it's fine for individual children to stay with granny for different times- mine do, sometimes one goes, sometimes both go, they don't have to go and it's a huge treat for them! I would think being one to one with granny would be much more fun than going round a park where you can't go on pretty much any of the rides!

I don't see the issue with this but both our children have holidayed alone with different combinations of families- the key thing is does it feel fair to them?

ArcheryAnnie · 30/01/2018 09:32

I think your original plan sounds lovely, OP - your baby gets to spend a lot of time with his doting gradmother, your mum offered so is obviously up for it, and your two older children get to do older-children things with you and your DH. It's a win-win for everyone.

As for those of you saying "it's not fair" - can you not remember what yours were like at two years old? I remember spending an inordinate amount of money taking mine to the zoo, and the thing he was most fascinated by was a puddle, which we could have found in the street for free. (And he's a curiosity-filled child, but at two their interest and curiosity is not necessarily all that discriminating.) To a two-year-old, being in Spain or wherever is irrelevant, if they have fun and lots of attention, which the OP's two-year-old will do.

Jobjobjob · 30/01/2018 09:36

I'm the youngest to n my family, was often left out of things as I was the youngest.

They all built memories without me, it hurt a lot.

I felt isolated and when they were older and still now they talk about remember when we did this or that. You didn't job, because you were left home because you were the baby.

I think you should've thought about having another child if you were fed up with the baby years and didn't want the hassle again.

I think you ABVVVU.

Dancergirl · 30/01/2018 09:37

Teach your DC that if they are a nuisance or inconvenience then they get cut out of the family

FFS, what an over-reaction. They are not being 'cut out the family'. They are spending ONE week with grandparents so the parents can focus on their older children for a few days and do things they enjoy. The 2 year old will have loads of family holidays in the future.

Frazzled2207 · 30/01/2018 09:39

I have a 2 yo and an older child.
I don't think there's anything wrong with leaving the 2yo as long as both she and the child are happy and you know the 2yo will be happy.
But I'd feel very bad about showing favouritism to the older child and the younger one missing out so probably would not do it myself.

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