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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To leave 2 year old at home?

999 replies

Ember12 · 29/01/2018 22:10

Me and my oh have been discussing going on holiday with the children in in late august, i was telling my mother about it and she offered to look after my 2 year old for the week spoke to my oh and he thought it was a great idea he would ask his parents to help my mother out that week aswell, we would be be able to go to theme/water parks and take the older 2 on rides etc without one of us having to stay with the baby. Would be able to relax alot more around the pool ad my older two are very confident in water. Anyway were having holy hell over it all with my brothers girlfriend what awful and selfish parents we are and how my mother is playing favourites! My mother works 12 hour shifts 5 days a week and takes turns looking after all her grandchildren 1 stays each sunday night so no favouritism at all! She looked after my brothers children for 3 days while they went on a short break. Aibu in accepting my mothers offer? Or does it really make me a selfish and awful mother?

OP posts:

Original poster

Ember12 · 29/01/2018 23:02

Theanti 10 and 9

I have spoke to both of them about it and both loved the idea they of course would miss her we all would!

Kittens thats excatly how i felt! Unless she put her two pence worth in.

We will most likely takes my mothers offer and ease my guilt with a cocktail or two!

OP posts:

WeAllHaveWings · 29/01/2018 23:03

Your dbs gf should min her own business.

But I agree with other posters, leaving a child behind and not giving them a family holiday does smack of inconvenient child. Your 2 year old deserves a fun holiday with his family as much as the rest of you do.

Yeaididthat · 29/01/2018 23:04

Your SIL should mind her own buisnrss. We have had some fantastic family holidays which just wouldnt have been possible with a 2 year old (including Disney). She will definetly get her turn when shs is older and I dont for a second regret leaving her with her grandparents while the older children had a fantastic time.

SockUnicorn · 29/01/2018 23:07

@Ember12 I personally wouldn't leave one member of the family behind. You knew the age gap when you had them. However its YOUR family and YOUR choice. Im sure I do loads of things you wouldn't do.

However your SIL is a bitch and its got nothing to do with her. providing you never comment on her childcare (to her face) then shes out of order. Ignore her.

Alisvolatpropiis · 29/01/2018 23:07

It’s none of your sister in laws business however I, like a few others, think leaving your 2 year old behind is an odd move.

Italiangreyhound · 29/01/2018 23:10

It is none of your brother's girlfriend's business what your mum does. I hope she can take her beak out.

I personally, would not go on holiday and leave one child behind. But if you can afford it, I'd offer to take mum away with me on holiday, she can look after baby (some of the time) and perhaps babysit all the kids one or two nights so you can go out for dinner, please she could have some time to spend on the actual holiday with you.

TheAntiBoop · 29/01/2018 23:10

Agree that a family holiday should be just that - I would imagine with that age gap that your younger one will always be a bit removed from the siblings and their relationship and be more the one everyone babies. This kind of thing won't help that.

Italiangreyhound · 29/01/2018 23:11

plus she could also...

RainbowGlitterFairy · 29/01/2018 23:11

Could your mother go on holiday with you instead? then they can go off and do things while you are at theme parks etc but then join you for other parts of the holiday.

If not as long as your 2 year old likes spending time with your mother I don't see an issue, my parents took us on holidays without the little ones and took the little siblings places without older ones, being a family doesn't mean you have to do everything together.

Lizzie48 · 29/01/2018 23:12

Your SIL shouldn't be commenting, nothing to do with her, but it is a bit odd leaving your youngest behind. It doesn't seem right to me either.

Justwaitingforaline · 29/01/2018 23:12

Currently on honeymoon with DH for 4 nights - 3 year old DD is having a WHALE of a time at my parents house

Justwaitingforaline · 29/01/2018 23:13

Oh, I’ve just read that you have more than one child and would just leave the two year old home which kind of changes it completely. Sorry OP, I don’t think it’s fair to exclude one child!

Original poster

Ember12 · 29/01/2018 23:13

She is in noway a inconvenient child! She is a very much loved and important member of our family!! My 2 year old has and will have many family holidays!

OP posts:

Nanny0gg · 29/01/2018 23:15

I wouldn't do it.

But I don't know why your SiL's comments have bothered you or why you posted. You and your DH and your other children were happy to do it. Most posters on here wouldn't but our opinion doesn't matter (which is fair enough).

So why ask?

stickytoffeevodka · 29/01/2018 23:15

Sorry but I also agree that leaving behind one child is massively unfair. Okay, she's two and won't remember but won't she ask when she's older why she was left behind?

myrootsareshowing · 29/01/2018 23:15

Oh my goodness I couldn't be apart from my DD who is nearly two for that long - it would break my heart !!

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 29/01/2018 23:16

I've got to agree with this "Tell the brother's girlfriend to FUCK OFF" because that's absolutely what you should do - it's none of her fucking business what arrangement you make with your mother about your child! Sounds like she fears it might interfere with your mother's ability to help them out at a moment's notice but that's not your problem, it's theirs and they can work it out for themselves.

I don't think I personally could leave one child behind but that's my choice - but then I only have 2 so it wouldn't go down well if one came and one stayed.
However, if there's a large enough gap and the 2yo loves staying with her DGPs then why not? You have to do what is right for YOUR family, not what anyone else thinks is right.

Koala72 · 29/01/2018 23:17

omg ... I could never have left either of my two year olds and gone off with the others. ~Two is old enough to feel it ; (

AnnieAnoniMouse · 29/01/2018 23:19

DbGf needs to wind her head in. What YOUR Mum chooses to do with her time is none of GobbyTwats business. N.O.N.E.

As for going without the little one, I think I’d be tempted, but feel too guilty to actually do it, though as you say, a cocktail might just help with that! 🍹😁. As a child I loved being with my Nana so much I’d have felt the others were missing out, not me! In the future you’ll have holidays with the little one, without one or both of the ‘biguns. If you think you’ll enjoy it, do it. I’m sure there’s lots the ‘Biguns have missed out on because of having to consider the little one, maybe it’s their time to have the focus on them a bit more. It’s one holiday that the 2yo won’t remember but the older two will.

Take your Mum up on her very kind offer.

Original poster

Ember12 · 29/01/2018 23:19

I hadnt even thought of asking my mother to come along will definitely do that! Although i doubt my father would allow me to pay for them

OP posts:

3EyedRaven · 29/01/2018 23:20

I don’t really see the issue tbh. It would be different if 2 year old were a bit older and knew what was going on. But they don’t.
I say go and enjoy.
And tell brothers gf to mind her own business.

Original poster

Ember12 · 29/01/2018 23:22

I asked for opinions because after she kicked up a fuss it made me think twice

OP posts:

Nanny0gg · 29/01/2018 23:25

2 year old were a bit older and knew what was going on

She'd know her parents weren't there for a reasonable amount of time.

I think asking GPs to go along is ideal if your husband will go for it.

Bluelady · 29/01/2018 23:25

Tell the girlfriend to pipe down - along with all the unsolicited views that say you should take the two year old too. Enjoy that holiday which you've decided is best for your family.

tracymars · 29/01/2018 23:28

Do it. Your todler will have a weeks holiday at grandparent and get spoilt rotten. With a 2 year older and 2 older dc I imagine that the 2 year old demands a lot of time and attention. It will be nice for the older children to have your full on attention. Even if the todler is a well behaved angel, you still have to watch them all the time just in case

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