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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To leave 2 year old at home?

999 replies

Ember12 · 29/01/2018 22:10

Me and my oh have been discussing going on holiday with the children in in late august, i was telling my mother about it and she offered to look after my 2 year old for the week spoke to my oh and he thought it was a great idea he would ask his parents to help my mother out that week aswell, we would be be able to go to theme/water parks and take the older 2 on rides etc without one of us having to stay with the baby. Would be able to relax alot more around the pool ad my older two are very confident in water. Anyway were having holy hell over it all with my brothers girlfriend what awful and selfish parents we are and how my mother is playing favourites! My mother works 12 hour shifts 5 days a week and takes turns looking after all her grandchildren 1 stays each sunday night so no favouritism at all! She looked after my brothers children for 3 days while they went on a short break. Aibu in accepting my mothers offer? Or does it really make me a selfish and awful mother?

OP posts:

nannybeach · 30/01/2018 09:39

We do this, as long as the child "left" behind has some special time as well, whats the problem. I often alternate my DGC so the others can have Mum time. You are absolutelt right ArcheryAnnie, most 2 year olds are not interested in the "fun" stuff you spend all the money on.

QueenDramaLlama · 30/01/2018 09:40

Taking a break as a couple = fine
Taking a break as a family = fine
One on one break with individual child = fine (as long as each child gets a go)

Going away as a family and leaving one member behind = not fine for me

This x 100

BrutusMcDogface · 30/01/2018 09:41

I really couldn't do it but can understand your reasons for wanting to. It's up to you, though, and not your sil!

I think I'd just be thinking "aw, x would have loved this" the whole time, and I wouldn't be able to enjoy the holiday as much. I don't know why you can't have one parent going off to do water slides etc with the older two, and the other staying with the little one, then swap. Family holidays aren't usually overly relaxing, after all!

Cuppaoftea · 30/01/2018 09:41

I think it also depends whether your Mum will be able to take your 2 year old out on some special day trips that week, local pool, things like that or whether your Mum's also looking after some of her other grandchildren different days in which case what's the age gap there? Will your DD simply be tagging along with every day routine, activities for older ones and your Mum juggling a 2 year old for a week with all of that.

In which case it would seem mean your youngest isn't on holiday enjoying sunshine and time in the pool with all of you. I'm sure she loves time with her Grandma but it sounds like she's lucky enough to get plenty of one on one with her on a regular basis already. The age gap between your kids is going to stay the same for future family holidays, will you leave your youngest behind again next year?

I'd understand if it was something like a sightseeing trip with sites and museums specific to the interests of the older two that a 2 year old would get fed up being taken round but a pool/water park holiday is for the whole family surely.

QueenDramaLlama · 30/01/2018 09:43

I'm the youngest to n my family, was often left out of things as I was the youngest

They all built memories without me, it hurt a lot

I felt isolated and when they were older and still now they talk about remember when we did this or that. You didn't job, because you were left home because you were the baby

I think you should've thought about having another child if you were fed up with the baby years and didn't want the hassle again

And this. :( You had another child, you added to your family, you don't just leave one out when it suits you.

Dancergirl · 30/01/2018 09:43

They all built memories without me, it hurt a lot

But as the youngest, a lot of 'memory building' has gone on before you were born or when you were too small to remember it. But the youngest child does eventually grow up.

My youngest is 10 and she often feels a bit left out of watching 12/15 films, staying up later, having a phone, using social media etc. But I make an effort to also find things to do as a whole family. I don't want to make her grow up faster and her activities are all age-appropriate. Yes it sometimes means she's left out but it won't be like that forever.

Jobjobjob · 30/01/2018 09:44

We do this, as long as the child "left" behind has some special time as well, whats the problem

Because the child left behind does not have a sibling to discuss and talk about the fun in future. It gives the impression that they were an inconvenience and couldn't be taken sliming on a FAMILY holiday. Will the parents get gran to look after the other two and go away again? I doubt it, the younger will get a day out if lucky.

Horrible thing to do and as I say I speak from experience!

MadMags · 30/01/2018 09:45

No doubt she takes turns having her Grandchildren because once one of you gets it, she feels like the others have to.

Your poor mother!

As for leaving the inconvenient child at home. Well, you’re either the type to do that or your not, I suppose!

BrutusMcDogface · 30/01/2018 09:45

Someone I know was the "accidental" third child (not saying your dd was an accident, op!!) and he still feels it now, that his parents had had enough of parenting and he was just left to fend for himself. It's extended into adulthood, too, with the parents spending more time with their older dc. These things do have lasting effects.

PasstheStarmix · 30/01/2018 09:46

Take grandmother with you or go on a more appropriate holiday for all of the family.

BrutusMcDogface · 30/01/2018 09:46

There was a big age gap there, too.

PasstheStarmix · 30/01/2018 09:47

I agree with Brutus they do have long lasting effects. My sister baby as left with grandparents for a weeks when we were young and to this day she thinks it was wrong that she was separated from us.

Original poster

Ember12 · 30/01/2018 09:47

I really dont understand the inconvenient/nuisance not wanted child comments or how you have come to this conclusion. Yes she will enjoy splashing in the pool as she did in our last holiday but she hated been "stuck" in a pram for hours while her big brothers where on rides etc. We are also going on a big family holiday in may(sil included ) for half term so she will still get her family holiday

OP posts:

PasstheStarmix · 30/01/2018 09:47

my sister as a baby was left

1DAD2KIDS · 30/01/2018 09:49

I think your mother is amazing working a 60 hour week and taking turns with the grandchildren. There is completely nothing wrong with taken that offer in general principle, don't let others guilt you about your parenting. The only thing I would ask is when does you mother get a break? And may that be the reason your brothers sister objects because she thinks your mothers overworked already?

Jobjobjob · 30/01/2018 09:49

But as the youngest, a lot of 'memory building' has gone on before you were born or when you were too small to remember it. But the youngest child does eventually grow up.*

Then it's added to by being left at home alone! Because you're an inconvenient age.

Trust me it's horrible!

PasstheStarmix · 30/01/2018 09:51

Your mother needs a holiday. I’d take her with me and pay in exchange she watches little one while you’re away. Would certainly not leave little one behind. If that could happen I wouldn’t go on the second holiday to be honest.

PasstheStarmix · 30/01/2018 09:51

couldn’t

MadMags · 30/01/2018 09:52

It’s very simple OP; you have three children so family holidays should include THREE children.

It doesn’t matter that you’re going on another one in May.

Don’t stick her in a Pram for hours! Why would you?

And perhaps you should all stop running your mother ragged?

If you didn’t want a toddler when the others were old enough for this stuff, you shouldn’t have had her!

Jobjobjob · 30/01/2018 09:54

Because that's what your saying! Tell your older children that they can't have everyday the way they want because the baby can't be stuck in the pram! Because you know you're a family and the older children's needs don't trump the younger!

PasstheStarmix · 30/01/2018 09:56

Agree with MadMags. I see this only too often; third child being left out. My aunt had 3 girls and only had 3 as was trying for the boy she never got and the third used to get palmed off on gps all of the time to point they practically brought her up. She has now completely gone off the rails as an adult. I understand this isn’t always the case. I just don’t agree with a child being excluded for the sake of a second holiday. Why is this necessary?

Marriedwithchildren5 · 30/01/2018 09:57

I think drinking cocktails at the bar maybe part of the reason 2 year old won't be included!

Dancergirl · 30/01/2018 09:57

I don't know why you can't have one parent going off to do water slides etc with the older two, and the other staying with the little one, then swap

You can do this but occasionally it's nice for the older children to have some time with both parents without a younger sibling around.

Everyone's thinking about the 2 year old here, what about the older children's feelings? Wouldn't their parents reluctance to occasionally leave their much younger sibling at home also cause some resentment to them?

Older child: 'when I was an older child/teen, my parents refused to ever leave my much younger sibling at home to spend some quality time with me. They spent so much time dealing with toddler tantrums etc I got ignored and over-looked. AIBU?'

Jobjobjob · 30/01/2018 09:59

I need to back away from this thread, it's beyond horrible excluding one child!

I was that child as I've said before! It shaped me for life.

It's horrible!

Why have a third if you can't even enjoy them on holiday!! Presumably one or both of you work and time off doesn't mean spending time with the third??

Think long and very hard OP!

MadMags · 30/01/2018 10:00

I have three, dancer, and it wouldn’t even dawn on them to think that way because there is no pecking order. Why on earth would there be??

Theme parks will still be there when everyone is old enough for them.

And let’s be honest here; OP and her DH are looking forward to drinking at the pool because the older ones can take care of themselves in the water. Hardly sounds like they’re looking to have ultimate quality time with the poor, overlooked oldest kids.

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