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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To leave 2 year old at home?

999 replies

Ember12 · 29/01/2018 22:10

Me and my oh have been discussing going on holiday with the children in in late august, i was telling my mother about it and she offered to look after my 2 year old for the week spoke to my oh and he thought it was a great idea he would ask his parents to help my mother out that week aswell, we would be be able to go to theme/water parks and take the older 2 on rides etc without one of us having to stay with the baby. Would be able to relax alot more around the pool ad my older two are very confident in water. Anyway were having holy hell over it all with my brothers girlfriend what awful and selfish parents we are and how my mother is playing favourites! My mother works 12 hour shifts 5 days a week and takes turns looking after all her grandchildren 1 stays each sunday night so no favouritism at all! She looked after my brothers children for 3 days while they went on a short break. Aibu in accepting my mothers offer? Or does it really make me a selfish and awful mother?

OP posts:

Cuppaoftea · 30/01/2018 07:48

From your first post it sounds like your older kids wouldn’t miss out at the water parks and rides either way, this is about you and your OH both wanting more of a break together while the older two play more independently in the pool.

I wouldn't do it, your 2 year old would have a brilliant time splashing around in the pool with you all. It doesn't sound like a holiday as such at your Mum's if she's going to be busy looking after her other grandchildren that week as well (when does your Mum get a holiday?) and I'd be enjoying all the family holidays as a five I could over the next few years before your older two want to do their own thing as teens.

DrRanjsRightEyebrow · 30/01/2018 07:50

None of the girlfriend's business!
But I wouldn't be able to leave DS behind. Equal treatment aside, I would miss him far too much and it would spoil the holiday for me. He also wouldn't have coped well without me for a whole week at that age. A night or maybe 2 perhaps, but a week to a 2 year old feels like forever. But you and your DS might be entirely different!

Rachie1973 · 30/01/2018 07:52

My husband and I had a honeymoon in Eurodisney. Not because it was our dream destination but because we were blending 6 kids from 2 families together and it seemed a good place to start.

However, we left the 18 month old with my in laws so the older ones could just do as they wanted with us both available, rather than holding a buggy handle.

Ignore SIL and just go for it.

Rachie1973 · 30/01/2018 07:55

differentnameforthis
That's true, but what about when they are older, and start to realise that were excluded from a holiday?

It all evens out eventually, after not taking my youngest to Disney 15 years ago, I've now done holidays with her without the older ones as they had better stuff to do.

Lovemusic33 · 30/01/2018 07:57

Although it sounds like a good idea I don’t think I could do it. You are a family and even though 2 year olds can be a PITA I think you should all go together and maybe find accommodation that is suitable and safe for a 2 year old. For me a holiday isn’t sitting by a pool whilst your kids do what they like (bit maybe that’s just me).

Nocabbageinmyeye · 30/01/2018 07:58

I'd go without all the children now just to spite the girlfriend. How long is that stroppy cow on the scene? Whether you go or not she needs to be firmly and not politely put in her place

Rumpledfaceskin · 30/01/2018 07:59

I would never do this. Can you imagine looking through photos years later of your hols...’oh and this is when we went to....oh and you weren’t there!’ No way. I know someone who did this but they left the older child because they forgot to renew his passport. I thought it was horrible. It’s mean and seems like your youngest is an inconvenience. Plus 2 is very very little to be away from parents for a whole week.

Chienrouge · 30/01/2018 08:01

My two year old would definitely know what was going on and would not be happy about it! Won’t you mention the holiday in front of her before you go and when you come back?
I couldn’t do it, mainly because I couldn’t leave my 2 year old for a week (and because she would be massively pissed off that she was being left out of a holiday). But it’s up to you, obviously.

falang · 30/01/2018 08:01

Yanbu. It's a good idea if you're going to theme parks. The 2 year old will be very bored waiting for the others to go on the rides and queue. They'll have a lovely time being spoiled rotten by the grandparents. You're being more selfish taking a 2 year old on a holiday like that.

PasstheStarmix · 30/01/2018 08:05

Why not go on a holiday you can take all 3 dc? I feel the 2 year old is being left out. It would be fairer to leave all 3 with gps or fame all 3 but I wouldn’t split them.

PasstheStarmix · 30/01/2018 08:05

take that should say

PasstheStarmix · 30/01/2018 08:07

I have memories from being 2 and I wouldn’t like to think my parents would have left me out like that. We went on holidays suitable for us all. Even if you have to bring a grandparent with you.

Lizzie48 · 30/01/2018 08:07

I don't think it's very fair on your mum at all really tbh. She does so much childcare for you already as well as working full time. And, as others have said, I would miss the two year old far too much.

newyearsameme80 · 30/01/2018 08:11

Will the two year old see the packing going on, people looking at pictures on the internet of beaches, swimming costumes appearing - but not for them?
We left our two year old behind for our honeymoon, for less than a week and with gps. He was fine...BUT he started waking up and coming into bed with us in the night, something he’d never done before. So I assume he did feel it on some level.

newyearsameme80 · 30/01/2018 08:13

Agree with Lizzie your Mum works 60 hours a week you should all back off with your childcare demands.

Saz1995 · 30/01/2018 08:15

What Isadora2007 said, there's no way I would take some children and leave one behind. I'm taking my baby on holiday in September, he would have just turned a year old x

Hoppinggreen · 30/01/2018 08:17

I probably wouldn’t do it but not because my brothers girlfriend was being a cow about it.

senua · 30/01/2018 08:19

My mother works 12 hour shifts 5 days a week ...

... and you want her to spend her holidays babysitting your child because you cba?

user789653241 · 30/01/2018 08:22

I don't think you should feel guilty about it at all. Your other children are still young. They sure want full attention from both parents once in a while. If you wait until your youngest could enjoy the holiday other children enjoys now, they will be too old for it.

KitKat1985 · 30/01/2018 08:27

I wouldn't do it, sorry. What if he gets upset and wants his mummy? Also a 2 year old would love a few days playing at a water park, so I'd be a bit gutted about them missing out. A week is a long time to leave a child that young. It's also a big ask to expect your mum to look after a 2 year old for a week, especially since she already works long hours in her regular weeks at work.

I'd personally invite your Mum along on the trip. That way she can keep an eye on him whilst you do some stuff with the older kids, but he's not left out per se. It's also not expecting so much of your mum, as you can share the childcare out more.

barefoofdoctor · 30/01/2018 08:30

'And that is your business how exactly SIL?' traditional Mumsnet head tint. Repeat as necessary.

RedForFilth · 30/01/2018 08:32

I wouldn't do it but then I'm a massive overthinker. What if something happens and you no longer have the means to take the 2 year old away or something? And the 2 year old may get older and think they were an inconvenience to you. I just think when you choose to have another child you need to make your family inclusive.

purits · 30/01/2018 08:53

This is a great idea. Forget the Naughty Step or SuperNanny. Teach your DC that if they are a nuisance or inconvenience then they get cut out of the family.
You should patent this!

stickytoffeevodka · 30/01/2018 08:58

I missed that your mum works sixty hour weeks - and you are happy for her to use her valuable annual leave looking after your 2 year old while you swan off on holiday and leave her behind because it's not fair on the older ones?!

What about it being fair on your mum?! She's agreeing to give up her annual leave to make your holiday easier and you're actually considering letting her do it?

Beggars belief, really.

Original poster

Ember12 · 30/01/2018 09:00

I dont demand childcare from my mother she decided to have a grandchild each sunday it wasn't forced upon her she loves that one on one time with all of her grandchildren..

Thanks for all opinions has definitely made me think and i am going to speak to my mother tonight about her coming along

The sil has being told its none of her business but shes lives for drama so wont be the last we have heard

OP posts:

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