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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave 2 year old at home?

999 replies

Ember12 · 29/01/2018 22:10

Me and my oh have been discussing going on holiday with the children in in late august, i was telling my mother about it and she offered to look after my 2 year old for the week Smile spoke to my oh and he thought it was a great idea he would ask his parents to help my mother out that week aswell, we would be be able to go to theme/water parks and take the older 2 on rides etc without one of us having to stay with the baby. Would be able to relax alot more around the pool ad my older two are very confident in water. Anyway were having holy hell over it all with my brothers girlfriend what awful and selfish parents we are and how my mother is playing favourites! My mother works 12 hour shifts 5 days a week and takes turns looking after all her grandchildren 1 stays each sunday night so no favouritism at all! She looked after my brothers children for 3 days while they went on a short break. Aibu in accepting my mothers offer? Or does it really make me a selfish and awful mother?

OP posts:
Original poster
Ember12 · 29/01/2018 23:29

Money or parents coming is no problem although i can only imagine what dbg would make of that. And i dont think she will agree to it as she normally takes that time to spend with all her grandchildren but will definitely speak to her and my father about it

OP posts:
MoonriseKingdom · 29/01/2018 23:32

What if 2 days in the 2 year old starts getting really upset? Will you cut the holiday short and come back? I couldn’t enjoy a holiday in these circumstances.

QuackPorridgeBacon · 29/01/2018 23:41

Your sister in law is in the wrong and doesn’t get a say. If you are comfortable with it then do it. Only your opinion really matters. I’m of the opinion that I couldn’t do it or it would feel odd. But I have left my elderchild who was about 20 months at the time, for about 3 weeks while we flew to another hospital with 2 month old very sick, younger child. She was fine and loved being with her nanny. She seems to be fine mentally. I spoke to her over FaceTime everyday.

Osirus · 29/01/2018 23:52

My sister left her 2 year old with me when she went on holiday with her eldest. He was really well behaved and coped ok but he did really miss her, and seemed subdued.

My husband’s brother and his girlfriend left their six month old behind for a week. Child was very clingy afterwards.

I don’t think I could ever leave my child behind; the guilt would utterly consume me.

blackteasplease · 30/01/2018 00:04

I couldn't leave one child at home from a family holiday that includes everyone else. sorry.

But the girlfriend is being very unreasonable!

Waddlelikeapenguin · 30/01/2018 00:13

A two yr old may not remember but as they grow up they will see photos & hear stories about the family holiday they were left out of. I would worry about the message they would absorb.

Skowvegas · 30/01/2018 01:10

One of my best holidays as a child was when we went away without my littlest brother.

We all adored him but it did affect what we could do. I'd got used to not being able to do the stuff I really wanted to do on holiday (and in life generally) so it was a huge treat to go to water parks and big wave pools for a change.

gluteustothemaximus · 30/01/2018 01:20

I have a 2 year old and two older children.

They’d kill me if I wanted to leave their little brother at home Grin

A week is a long time. My 2 year old would freak. But then again, that’s because I have no family to look after him.

If he’s used to granny, and you know he’ll be fine, entirely your choice.

But, given your mum’s working hours - can she come too?

gluteustothemaximus · 30/01/2018 01:24

Not sure why the 2 year old can’t waterpark?

If we go swimming, teen goes off, DH plays with 7 year old and I have 2 year old. Then we swop.

Theme parks, same. Little one is never responsible for older ones not having fun. If anything, he’s the one that gets dragged into whatever they’re doing Grin

Skowvegas · 30/01/2018 01:28

Ah you guys didn't have single parents?

BertrandRussell · 30/01/2018 01:32

All those saying it wouldn’t be a family holiday leaving one behind-what will you do in a couple of years time when the oldest one wants to do something else-Scout camp or something? Force him to come with you because “otherwise it’s not a family holiday”.

gluteustothemaximus · 30/01/2018 01:33

Single parents with varying ages gaps, no chance. Then granny would be needed.

No grandparents here on either side, so am grateful for DH Grin

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 30/01/2018 01:41

Personally I'd look on it as a lovely opportunity for the 2 year old to enjoy the pool, too. My two adored the water at that age.
Your choice, though.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 30/01/2018 01:42

Tell the girlfriend to mind her own fucking business.

Go and enjoy your holiday.

mrsplum2015 · 30/01/2018 01:47

I have very similar age gaps and no way would I do that. If your parents can go with you and help out while you're away then absolutely.

I am totally with another poster above who says fine for cinema trips, swimming etc when we're at home. I've even had a babysitter for youngest so she isn't at sibling birthday parties where they aren't age appropriate for her and she would detract from the fun / not really enjoy it herself which might be contraversial to some.

I have also taken youngest back to UK to see my family during term time while the older ones were at school. The older ones fully understood and didn't especially want to come as it was a family/duty visit whereas youngest had a great time with her grandparents and little cousins. Just explaining for context that I understand 3 dc have different needs and I don't always treat mine exactly the same.

However I think your child will know that she/he was left out of a fun family holiday when she's a bit older and she will question it and it could really damage family relationships. My 4yo youngest now gets upset about one of our photo collages which has all her sibs and cousins in it but not her. She wasn't born so we can easily explain it but If I were you I would never want to have to explain not taking your child on a family holiday when the memory is discussed and she/he sees photos of the trip but isn't in them.

I also don't agree that it is the same as the oldest potentially choosing to go on a scout camp in a few years as he woukd have chosen that. Your youngest child isn't choosing not to come.

incywincybitofa · 30/01/2018 01:54

Neither of mine would have been happy to be left so I wouldn't be happy to leave them, but if your DS would be happy then it's worth considering.
I would look at the option of your parents coming and having time with each of the grandchildren whilst you are away. Otherwise when does your DM get holiday in her holiday time?

SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 30/01/2018 02:02

I have older DC and a toddler and I'd find it so weird not to take her along. We have done water park type things and she bloody loves it. I'd feel rotten that she'd missed out. The older DC would find it a bit odd as well!

Of course I get that it would be easier without a 2 year old, but what wouldn't?! Grin I couldn't do it to be honest, OP.

Absolutely nothing to do with your SiL though!

differentnameforthis · 30/01/2018 02:03

The 2 year old is not going to remember anyway and you get to do a lovely active holiday with the rest! That's true, but what about when they are older, and start to realise that were excluded from a holiday?

Leaving all behind is one thing, leaving just one of three behind is totally another!

There's nothing selfish about taking a break as just a couple, enjoy it! It's not as a couple, op said they would take older children.

DonkeySkin · 30/01/2018 02:05

I couldn't leave my 2 year old for a whole week. It would distress her, maybe even traumatise her, no matter how well she was treated by grandparents. At that age they are old enough to miss you but not old enough to understand the reason they've been (in their eyes) abandoned.

I could understand doing it for a night, but a week is too long IMO. Could you look into booking a hotel that has a kids club including programs for toddlers? That way you and the older children can go off and do water park visits etc.

CeeceeBloomingdale · 30/01/2018 07:15

For me it's all of the children or none of the children. I think you're trying to minimise it by referring to her as the baby. She's two, a little girl. We've had some great family holidays when they were 1.5-2.5, they can join in with pretty much everything by then. I can't think she'll look back on it favourably.

YellowMakesMeSmile · 30/01/2018 07:27

I wouldn't, it seems very selfish to leave one behind so you don't have to parent them around water. Not to mention your mum must be tired if working full time then constantly being expected to do childcare.

Paying and taking your mum with you so that she got a break would have been far better or cutting back on the weekend stays so that she gets a break.

NewYearNewMe18 · 30/01/2018 07:31

Everyone does what's best for their family. Half of this thread will project their perceived "guilt" on to you. I'd certainly take your mothers offer and allow the older two to have a fantastic holiday - the baby won't know the difference - and she certainly wont have any memories at 2.

macbethh · 30/01/2018 07:32

I don't see the problem with it. The 2 year old wouldn't remember anything and as for looking back when older, it happened to me when I was little, parents took my older sister away to a theme park and I'm fine with it, I often joke about her being the favourite child and include this but I'm not serious, I honestly couldn't care as every holiday following, I was included and had an amazing time.

Quartz2208 · 30/01/2018 07:43

I agree with her you can’t not take one child so it’s easier to relax by the pool with the older one. One day she will see photos and wonder why she was not taken!

TheHungryDonkey · 30/01/2018 07:48

I’m a single parent with two children who have needs. I have taken them on holiday separately at times. Works out well because I give them some good quality individual time that would have otherwise been spent dealing with meltdown and fighting.

My daughter also has a different dad to my son which means she gets to do things with her family that my son doesn’t. During this time, I do things with my son that my daughter doesn’t.

Neither miss out and both get experiences suitable to their needs and interests. It’s not perfect but you work with what you get in life.

I can’t see a problem with leaving a two year old behind with loving grandparents whilst you spent time with the older children doing more age appropriate things with them.

Being fair isn’t always doing exactly the same thing together all the time. Life isn’t that black and white.