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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave 2 year old at home?

999 replies

Ember12 · 29/01/2018 22:10

Me and my oh have been discussing going on holiday with the children in in late august, i was telling my mother about it and she offered to look after my 2 year old for the week Smile spoke to my oh and he thought it was a great idea he would ask his parents to help my mother out that week aswell, we would be be able to go to theme/water parks and take the older 2 on rides etc without one of us having to stay with the baby. Would be able to relax alot more around the pool ad my older two are very confident in water. Anyway were having holy hell over it all with my brothers girlfriend what awful and selfish parents we are and how my mother is playing favourites! My mother works 12 hour shifts 5 days a week and takes turns looking after all her grandchildren 1 stays each sunday night so no favouritism at all! She looked after my brothers children for 3 days while they went on a short break. Aibu in accepting my mothers offer? Or does it really make me a selfish and awful mother?

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 01/02/2018 15:51

“I don’t see how it can be said a two year old won’t have memories.”

My 16 year old certainly has memories of the times he was abandoned with granny.........Grin

Jobjobjob · 01/02/2018 15:52

The losers should've said the others! The sentence makes sense with others!

Although yes your youngest is losing out!

Jobjobjob · 01/02/2018 15:53

Your eldest two are not the losers, the youngest is!

Original poster
Ember12 · 01/02/2018 15:54

Ok that makes sense Hmm

OP posts:
Lizzie48 · 01/02/2018 15:58

There's one thing that does seem sad to me. The OP said that she booked the holiday with her youngest in mind, and then her DM offers to have her come to stay with her instead. Seems very strange to me. I would have thought the obvious response would have been, 'No thank you, Mum, but you're welcome to come with us.'

The SIL's comments come from a place of jealousy, I think, not concern for the DD.

Ginseng1 · 01/02/2018 16:12

Actually of my 3 the big two would choose to leave behind each other & bring the baby. They mad about her but argue with each other constantly!! I am not a mummy martyr and will happily when offered go away for a w/e with dh leaving all three with GPs!

Lizzie48 · 01/02/2018 16:16

I certainly have no issue with going away with DH, or with a good friend. Not often as my DDs are adopted and clingy. That's not the issue here. The issue is leaving one DC behind, and that's not likely to be resolved before this thread becomes full. Grin

noname687328 · 01/02/2018 16:21

I've only read a few of the comments and can't believe you've had to justify yourself to anyone about this! Your 2 year old will not remember this 😂 she will benefit from 1 to 1 undivided attention all week from your parents who probably love her more than life itself!

When I was about 6 my mum booked a weekend away with my siblings and packed me off to grandparents, prob because I was a pain in the backside and it was easier without my tantrums, however after my parents had got back from the long drive to and from my grandparents I decided I wanted to come home so they had to come back and get me and I went on the weekend away and prob spoilt it with my tantrums. Anyway safe to say I'm not traumatised by this, I know my parents loved me and I haven't needed years of therapy to get over this.

Your 2 year old will be absolutely fine and all the unwanted child comments. My god. Your eldest 2 will really appreciate what you've done as well.

When my youngest was born my mum often had him so I could take my eldest on days out and to do activities where it wasn't appropriate to have a baby. It didn't mean I didn't want my baby it was just more convenient at that time for him to be cared for by my Mum.

Anyway, I hope you all have a lovely, lovely holiday! X

noname687328 · 01/02/2018 16:22

Oh and all the people saying you shouldn't be expecting your Mum to do that bla bla bla and she's so overworked.... 😂😂😂😂 READ THE POST! Her Mum offered and WANTS to do it believe it or not......!!!! As parents we are allowed to let other people love our children and spend quality time with them!

Thierryhenryneedisaymore · 01/02/2018 16:28

Annie

We can see you can't hold a different opinion without name calling. Very adult. Some people may be being a little dramatic in their use of language in your opinion but it is a bit of a leap to say they (is that all of us who dont agree with you or just some of us???) are unhinged. Do you actually know what that means?

Talk about exaggerating. Just go and kick a door if you are that annoyed. And a deep breath before you type? Just an idea 🤔

My mental state is fine thanks. Nothing unhinged here 😂.

Although i am glad to see you have given up on the amateur psychology because that was just a tad embarrassing on your part, especially getting it so wrong, as is cherry picking and lifting phrases from people's posts and ignoring valid points and input where you can do nothung other than stomp your feet as response ...

MsHopey · 01/02/2018 16:42

I know I personally couldn't do it.
I asked my husband, he says he could.
So I know we all come from different places.
My view is probably coloured because my mom left me and my twin while she went with the younger kids and left us with my dad. They had split up but the youngest didn't see their dad so they had to go with her.
Then my dad went with his new girlfriend and left me and my twin with my mom.
So for years everyone was going on holidays without us and we never got to enjoy family time or the whole holiday experience.
I know you've mentioned you take her to other holidays with you. I just know I felt mega left out and not really wanted by either parent. But I know this has coloured my view.

Rachie1973 · 01/02/2018 16:44

Ember12
I know people aren't going to agree anything to do with children can be a touchy subject.. i guess i just wanted people to agree with my that my child would be fine from personal experiences and i believe i have got that from some people along with the other views if i thought this was gonna seriously affect my child this wouldn't even be a question but i know my child and i know she will be fine.. if she isnt which i dont think she will be then thats my guilt to live with i guess

From MY personal experience, I couldn't wait to get to my Grans as a child. So much more fun than home. In fact as I got older I stayed there every weekend lol

From MY daughters experience.... I asked her. She has no memory of being at her Nans whilst we went to Eurodisney with the 5 eldest when she was 2. She does have memories of being there and staying there, but can't pinpoint on which occasion, since she stayed for a week at a time over the years, sometimes with siblings, sometimes without.

She's seen the pictures, she knows we went without her, she knows why as well. She has no issue with it.

She's fine, and enjoys trips with us that the others don't come on anymore. She's also been on trips with them. In fact a couple of summers ago there were 16 of us :)

Me, DH, 6 kids, 3 partners, 3 GC, my FIL & my daughters MIL.

We don't do the 'woe is me' shit in our family. We just get on with it.

Thierryhenryneedisaymore · 01/02/2018 16:56

Rachie

You don't do "woe is me" (that comment doesn't even make sense btw) but my god you sure like repeating yourself 😂

Weebo · 01/02/2018 17:03

They still at it OP?

Fancy a cocktail? You probably need one after dealing with them.

Rachie1973 · 01/02/2018 17:05

Thierry

You don't do "woe is me" (that comment doesn't even make sense btw) but my god you sure like repeating yourself

A bit like you on the thread you mean? I think you'll find that just because you shout loudest and most often it doesn't make you any more right or your point more valid than anyone else's.

Insulting people doesn't either. It just makes you look a little bit stupid, and is tinged with a bullying streak. I think perhaps it bothers some people. Personally I couldn't give a flying fuck.

As to whether my comment makes sense.... well if you don't understand it, then I'd suggest brushing up on your comprehension skills.

Have a wonderful evening!

Dancergirl · 01/02/2018 17:06

Maybe because all the dc will be in childcare and not just one?! And day care is not night care, so very different I would say.

Besides we have to work, we do not have to go on holiday without one of our kids

Maybe not but if we're getting into this hysteria that a child 'left behind' will develop issues and require therapy, why aren't we hearing about children who are in daycare and how terrible it is for them??

Dancergirl · 01/02/2018 17:08

But since you mention it, why are you so keen for them to 'get a slating' too?!

You misunderstand me. I'm just trying to point out how utterly bizarre the assumption is that a child left with loving family members for a one-off week is so terrible.

Original poster
Ember12 · 01/02/2018 17:12

Yes weebo maybe more than one Grin

OP posts:
Weebo · 01/02/2018 17:23

I think I'll join you after reading the recent contributions.

Where are you heading in May?

PIL are just back from staying at a beautiful villa in Majorca and we are all thinking of going for a few days over Easter.

Weebo · 01/02/2018 17:25

Opps, that wasn't aimed at you Dancer.

Original poster
Ember12 · 01/02/2018 17:25

My mother been 'overworked' is not the problem shes always worked long hours since before we where born.. she would be more offended if i stopped her having the children because of work hours.
All my family is like is i work from home and look after my 3 year old nephew so they dont pay childcare i understand it isnt like most familys but we are all very much involved in each others life and do whatever possible to make its easier for someone else.

OP posts:
SunnySkiesSleepsintheMorning · 01/02/2018 17:27

I think there’s been quite a few posters who have been repeating themselves on this thread. 😂

Bluelady · 01/02/2018 17:31

A couple ad nauseum. Anyone like a martini?

Original poster
Ember12 · 01/02/2018 17:32

Were going to Rhodes, my fathers obsessed with greece we go most years not many places there we havent been my mother wanted to go to italy but he was having none of it Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
Ember12 · 01/02/2018 17:34

Majorca lovely we went there a few years back with the older two and oh parents

OP posts: