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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To leave 2 year old at home?

999 replies

Ember12 · 29/01/2018 22:10

Me and my oh have been discussing going on holiday with the children in in late august, i was telling my mother about it and she offered to look after my 2 year old for the week spoke to my oh and he thought it was a great idea he would ask his parents to help my mother out that week aswell, we would be be able to go to theme/water parks and take the older 2 on rides etc without one of us having to stay with the baby. Would be able to relax alot more around the pool ad my older two are very confident in water. Anyway were having holy hell over it all with my brothers girlfriend what awful and selfish parents we are and how my mother is playing favourites! My mother works 12 hour shifts 5 days a week and takes turns looking after all her grandchildren 1 stays each sunday night so no favouritism at all! She looked after my brothers children for 3 days while they went on a short break. Aibu in accepting my mothers offer? Or does it really make me a selfish and awful mother?

OP posts:

snowbellj · 01/02/2018 14:22

Well, have a fun holiday then op.

This isn't something I would ever do myself - we're a family and family holidays are for us all. But, if you've made your mind up, then go.

rocketgirl22 · 01/02/2018 14:22

And lots and lots of people agree with her.

Not the end of the world, but you haven't got the endorsement and support on here you were hoping for. Some posts agree with you though, so it has been fairly even. It is surprising that so many feel so upset, I guess for some it is hitting on a nerve, for others they simply think it is unkind of you.

Either way GF should keep her opinions to herself, it is not for her to call you any such thing.

rocketgirl22 · 01/02/2018 14:22

And lots of people agree with GF

WaxOnFeckOff · 01/02/2018 14:24

Of course a 2 year old knows they are excluded. they aren't stupid. Then of course there will be wind ups from older siblings about when they went away and left her behind, the holiday photos she isn't in when she is old enough to work out she could have been there.

Talking children out for the day to do different activities isn't the same as leaving one behind for a week.

I also said before, if it was a case that they were going on a holiday that was completely unsuitable such as a once in a lifetime chance to take your teenagers on an adventure holiday then there is clear justification for leaving a toddler behind and they get their chance to do similar when they are a teenager. This isn't an unsuitable holiday for a 2 year old. There will be many 2 year olds there.

It's also not saying that the 2 year old will have a nice time staying with a doting granny as I am sure she will.

rocketgirl22 · 01/02/2018 14:29

ember

Most people don't like taking a punt on their children's well being.

You are very casual about the guilt thing. I hope you are actually feeling this way and are relaxed if this is a painful experience for your two year old. This has the potential to be a real thorn in your families side for a long time to come, and all the casual shoulder shrugs in the world aren't going to be much of a comfort to you then.

For me I prioritise family, everyone of them and I don't cherry pick children for holidays. You have set up a toxic precedent that is unlikely to stop at this one holiday.

Original poster

Ember12 · 01/02/2018 14:29

I know its a suitable place for a 2 year old that why we decided to go there in the first place with all our children based on my oh fond memories there as a child

OP posts:

taskmaster · 01/02/2018 14:31

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

WaxOnFeckOff · 01/02/2018 14:33

So, doesn't he want to share those memories with his youngest then?

Original poster

Ember12 · 01/02/2018 14:38

Yes obviously! But after my mother offer we decided it would be great to both be able to enjoy activities with our oldest and and give them our full attention

OP posts:

taskmaster · 01/02/2018 14:39

So, doesn't he want to share those memories with his youngest then?

She's TWO. She won't have a memory of it! How can he share what she wouldn't have? She can go next year and they can share that precious memory

Quartz2208 · 01/02/2018 14:51

But the older children will - I do wonder though if you arent setting up a situation where you are taking the easy option.

Like the 10 year old and Paultons Park - he has heard the words Peppa Pig and wants to run a mile. Actually he would have a lovely time if he went (I went even as a teenager when I lived nearby)

2 year old - too difficult its fine we will leave her behind. Its the older two who are learning that: the impact of financial dynamics

Thierryhenryneedisaymore · 01/02/2018 14:56

Taskmaster

Do you actually know any nearly three year olds which is what she will be??!!

She probably won't remember in years to come all of the details of being left. But that doesn't make it ok to do it just because of that.

In years to come she will know it happened unless the DP and siblings make a pact never to discuss/ erase the memory!!! She could be bothered by knowing what they did even if she doesn't have first hand recollection of how she felt at the time. You are being more than a bit silly to use that exceptionally weak argument.

There is a very good chance at 3 that she will feel some upset at the time of them being away on holiday which is entirely avoidable by not leaving her out in the first place. But that doesn't matter eh??

You must feel really good about titfortat, if you felt the comment about not having children in the first place was so out of line then why repeat it all and suggest that rocket should not have kids. Not your finest moment.

You are embarrassing yourself.

WaxOnFeckOff · 01/02/2018 15:01

Thierry. Task is now trying to justify his or her own choices rather than the OPs.

impossible · 01/02/2018 15:03

I'm glad you've made the decision to go Ember. It sounds like a brilliant idea and your older dcs will benefit from having more attention from you and dh. No doubt your dd will also have a similar holiday when she is older and as the baby of the family she will inevitably be fussed over for years to come.

Your post is clearly hitting a nerve with people who feel a nuclear family can't be whole unless they all holiday together but you have an extended family and your dd will still be cocooned in the heart of that. I'm sure no damage will be done and your dd will have the same close relationship with you as you clearly have with your dm. She will also have a fine time with your parents, who will get to baby your 2 year old for a week. Win win. Enjoy the break!

Cuppaoftea · 01/02/2018 15:07

None of my four wanted to be babied by their Grandparents by nearly 3, the younger want to keep up with their older siblings.

MsHopey · 01/02/2018 15:17

How I see it is, your first child had a year of you all to themselves, first and second child had 6 years sharing your attention between the 2 of them.
Now first, second and third child have shared the attention split 3 ways, so the third will never get as much attention as the first 2. Because obviously you have to split your time with the children you have.
Everyone can say your eldest deserve it, but they've had 6 years of uninterrupted holidays that no baby was there.
Did your eldest 2 get to go on holiday when they were 2 or 3? Or did you leave one of them at home aswell? Because if they've always went with You, it does look a bit like favouritism as younger DC gets older.
I know LO will be looked after by your mom, and I don't doubt she'll do a good job, but I can't see the food shopping or watching nan do the washing up or looking after DNs very exciting for a toddler, because she will obviously still need to do her normal household things. Not edge of your seat stuff.
And to be quite honest, I'd feel a bit crap if my eldest were so quick to go away without their younger brother or sister. I'd wish they had a better bond and would want them there to enjoy the experience as a family.

newyearsameme80 · 01/02/2018 15:27

I still wouldn’t do it but I am sure it will all be fine. (Still worried about the overworked gran though)
However I’m finding all the memory discussions very interesting. I don’t see how it can be said a two year old won’t have memories. Obviously as we get older some memories fade and new one come but my 9 year old has memories (not good ones) of a nursery he went to that he left before he turned 3. He also remembers a family wedding from the same year - not the photo stuff that you might expect, travelling to the wedding in a taxi as that was his first time. Maybe as an adult he won’t remember this but I don’t think no memories at 2 is a thing.

ArcheryAnnie · 01/02/2018 15:34

So, we've had...

"She will suffer terribly when she is left behind"

the family will be "haunted" by the memory of this holiday, ("haunted"!!!!)

"cruel"

"poor little mite",

...and so on and so forth. I cannot begin to imagine the level of pfb and general preciousness that goes on in the families of the posters here who are spouting this rubbish.

You are all fucking unhinged.

Original poster

Ember12 · 01/02/2018 15:36

Mshopey surely my 3rd children will get the most time with us to her self? In 5/6 years time the older two may not want to come away with us so so youngest will have 7or so years of just us and her? Where oldest has one and 2nd had none?

They have an amazing bond they dote on her but are seeing this as a chance to do stuff they would be restricted with otherwise and there interests and things they can and want to do now are not the same as 3/4 years ago

OP posts:

Bluelady · 01/02/2018 15:40

I wonder how deprived this two year old will feel in 12 or 14 years time when she's lying on a Caribbean beach with her parents while her siblings are at work? And how she'll be shedding tears because they're not there? Not a lot would be my guess.

Original poster

Ember12 · 01/02/2018 15:46

Bluelady that most likely will happen me and my mother have always wanted to go for a girly holiday but not with young children

OP posts:

newyearsameme80 · 01/02/2018 15:46

Bluelady I know you’re just off in fantasy land now but I had many years of holidaying with just parents as my siblings were all older, and it was boring (from my teenage perspective) and lonely as fuck. My best memories were ones with other siblings there.

Jobjobjob · 01/02/2018 15:46

wonder how deprived this two year old will feel in 12 or 14 years time when she's lying on a Caribbean beach with her parents while her siblings are at work? And how she'll be shedding tears because they're not there? Not a lot would be my guess.

I should imagine she'll be on her own with no siblings are bored! The losers will be able to reminisce about what fun they had together!

Oh and please don't retort with a childish "shut up" bluelady, it makes you sound immature and unable to hold an argument!

Jobjobjob · 01/02/2018 15:49

Newyear Cross post 😂

Original poster

Ember12 · 01/02/2018 15:49

Telling adults to shut up is childish but calling other children losers is not?

OP posts:

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