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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave 2 year old at home?

999 replies

Ember12 · 29/01/2018 22:10

Me and my oh have been discussing going on holiday with the children in in late august, i was telling my mother about it and she offered to look after my 2 year old for the week Smile spoke to my oh and he thought it was a great idea he would ask his parents to help my mother out that week aswell, we would be be able to go to theme/water parks and take the older 2 on rides etc without one of us having to stay with the baby. Would be able to relax alot more around the pool ad my older two are very confident in water. Anyway were having holy hell over it all with my brothers girlfriend what awful and selfish parents we are and how my mother is playing favourites! My mother works 12 hour shifts 5 days a week and takes turns looking after all her grandchildren 1 stays each sunday night so no favouritism at all! She looked after my brothers children for 3 days while they went on a short break. Aibu in accepting my mothers offer? Or does it really make me a selfish and awful mother?

OP posts:
WaxOnFeckOff · 01/02/2018 13:06

I think it's the fact that one person is being left out of a family holiday that is the point Youme. If a child had to go to stay with granny for a week for logistical reasons that's a different matter, it's also a different matter if all DC get left with Granny while the parents go on a break. I also wouldn't be overly concerned if it was One or both parents taking one DC to do something very specific and only of interest to that child (i.e. a Dr Who exhibition or something related to a hobby) and the other two were left behind. It's going away on a family beach type holiday which the left behind person is perfectly able to participate in and enjoy and leaving them behind purely for convenience that I think is a horrible thing to do.

SunnySkiesSleepsintheMorning · 01/02/2018 13:08

Some people agree with OP and some people don’t. Fine. Calling the OP selfish is one thing but calling a small child “inconvenient” and suggesting that she should never have been born Hmm is disgraceful.

rocketgirl22 · 01/02/2018 13:08

Maybe op's family and friends privately disagree with her about this, but it is much harder to say in RL (with the exception of gf who has balls of steel for taking this on) and are unlikely to challenge her parental decisions and risk falling out. So they keep quiet and nod along, all the while thinking wtf.

She can expect full fronted honesty here, and that is a good thing.

IreadMNinaBritishaccent · 01/02/2018 13:12

I left my son with my mum for a few days when he was 2. I hadn't slept in 2 years. So she took him.

He was fine. He doesn't remember it.

But won't SOMEONE think of the children!!!

Jobjobjob · 01/02/2018 13:12

Sunnyskies, OP asked the question in the opening post does this make me a selfish and awful parent.

The response to that by many is yes it does!

Don't ask if you don't want the opinion!

I still stand by it is awful and it is selfish!

rocketgirl22 · 01/02/2018 13:13

I for one am very glad we live in a society where people do care for a two year old girl they have never met.

It would be more worrying if everyone had said go for it sister, sod the kids, load up on the cocktails who needs them? wa-hey.

For me this is the very voice of reason ringing through loud and clear. It is comforting.

rocketgirl22 · 01/02/2018 13:15

Iread

And your point is?

It is hardly the same as week in the sun leaving your baby behind whilst you take everyone else for a great holiday is it?

hellsbellsmumofboys · 01/02/2018 13:23

We all need a break from time to time! I left my kids with family when me and my husband went away alone for a mini break! Not only did the kids love spending time with grandparents but the grandparents enjoyed this time with them too! Hardly like your leaving them with someone irresponsible! SIL needs to pipe down and mind her own! You can't relax with a 2yo and if your other kids benefit from the holiday then go and have an amazing time and when your youngest is older then he can have the same experience!

MeYouYouMe · 01/02/2018 13:24

Jobjobjob

I still stand by it is awful and it is selfish

Thanks for clarifying that. I wasn't quite sure what you thought. 🙄

I'm dying to count quite how many times you've told us but not sure it the done thing. (I bet it's more than 50 times 😳)

 The OP has booked her holiday so I'm not sure what you are getting out of the thread now.  Is it boredom or a desperation to make sure you upset the OP.
WaxOnFeckOff · 01/02/2018 13:24

Sunny I think you are reading it the wrong way. People are saying that the OP is deeming their child inconvenient and suggesting that she is being treated as if they didn't want her. Certainly from my pov this is meant to be a wake up call to the OP to see how the action of leaving her DD behind will be viewed by most people and probably the DD herself in later years. I think people who have said this do care about the 2 year old.

Im am certain that the OP does love her DD and that she was a wanted child, and honestly who can foresee the family dynamic you are creating when you add a new member. It's the reality of having DC with a larger age gap.

What those who disagree with it are saying is that you can't just leave her behind because it suits you and justify it by saying she will be fine at grannies. She will be fine at grannies but she would equally enjoy the holiday with her family without being left behind.

rocketgirl22 · 01/02/2018 13:24

hellsbells

You left ALL your kids, big big fundamental difference.

rocketgirl22 · 01/02/2018 13:27

Meyou

I am pretty sure op could change the booking if she really wanted to, but my guess is she won't.

Why bother wasting so much time on a done deal??

For the record yes you are selfish, yes you are dividing your family in the most negative way, yes you could be damaging your two year old, yes your older children may not be as 'grateful' as you think.

But hey don't let that minor detail hold you back.

SunnySkiesSleepsintheMorning · 01/02/2018 13:28

Job you seem to have totally ignored what I wrote. Hmm I said call the OP what you like and pass opinions but suggesting that a child should not have been born is shameful behaviour. I don’t know who said it and I cba to scroll up now either.

rocketgirl22 · 01/02/2018 13:29

You came on in hope of easing your guilt, and it hasn't worked out that way so now we are all 'nasty' and 'horrible'

SunnySkiesSleepsintheMorning · 01/02/2018 13:30

WaxOn I suspect you’ve been on MN for long enough to know that some people don’t care about people or children but just enjoy sticking the boot in, over and over and over. How many times do some people need to call the OP selfish? I think she’s got the picture now.

Jobjobjob · 01/02/2018 13:32

Meyouyoume, I still stand by it!!

awful.selfish.parenting.

Jobjobjob · 01/02/2018 13:33

Ok sunny, agreed I've kept my opinion on wether I think the child was wanted to myself!

WaxOnFeckOff · 01/02/2018 13:34

Sunny OP asked if she was being selfish hence the amount of times it been mentioned.

MeYouYouMe · 01/02/2018 13:35

Jobjobjob. 😂😂. Lol, are we going to do tit for tat posts all day long. If I wasn't sure you are just posting for your own entertainment I am now.

Please, please post again and I promise I won't reply. I don't really want to be a last word Larry Wink

So , go on, what do you really think? 😁

BertrandRussell · 01/02/2018 13:35

Can I just check- the times we left ds with his doting grandparent ps to take his older siblings hillwalking and wild camping. Was that awful selfish parenting too? Even though he spent a week doing things he loved with people he loved?

Original poster
Ember12 · 01/02/2018 13:41

Rocket girl i havent called anyone nasty or horrible i dont think i have been rude to anyone.
I asked, i took peoples opinions even took the suggestions of my mother coming, spoke to my mother and partner about at all and decided to book the holiday.
I know my child and know she will be fine.
She will enjoy both her big family holiday, peppapig world and a week at my mothers
And her older brothers will enjoy a week of doing activies that are limited with my daughter there.

OP posts:
rocketgirl22 · 01/02/2018 13:42

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

SunnySkiesSleepsintheMorning · 01/02/2018 13:43

I think I’m in the minority but I still think it’s ok to sometimes be selfish as parents. I spend 99.9% running my entire life around what is best for my DC and I wouldn’t want it any other way. Occasionally, I need something that is just for me. I don’t love my children any less during that 0.1% of the time but it does make an easier life for me. I think it probably helps them too because it allows me to recharge. It’s ok for children to know that not everything is about them. In my world, almost everything is about them but not absolutely everything. This is just my opinion.

SunnySkiesSleepsintheMorning · 01/02/2018 13:46

Wow rocketgirl22 that was....hmm. Well, I think you can disagree in a way that isn’t so scathing, although some people use AIBU as carte blanche to tear apart another person’s parenting just for kicks on a Thursday afternoon. I am not sure we have enough information to say what you have said, unless you know her personally?

rocketgirl22 · 01/02/2018 13:46

sunny

Absolutely! For a day at the spa, romantic weekend away, girls nights. Fantastic. A whole weeks holiday leaving one child behind whilst taking the others? Errr no, that is not 'me' time is it, that is 'us' time minus one poor little mite.

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