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Original poster

To think choosing your wedding dress is not the magical experience I have been peddled?!

319 replies

HarrietKettleWasHere · 29/01/2018 21:48

I chose my wedding dress this weekend.

I don't feel joy. I feel relief that I may never have to go through that experience again Grin

I went on my own because I always shop on my own. I am no virginal slip of a bride that I thought I required a chaperone (32 and well...I had a lot of fun in my youth Grin) and I know what I like. Also I'm NC with my mother at the moment and my best friend just blindly says I look lovely in everything, even the time I looked like a Creme brûlée at our sixth form prom.

I paid £10 before I was permitted to look upon the dresses. This was supposed to include a glass of fizz, but the lady had run out, so I had a tap water.

The lady was nice, but even though I told her what I wanted, she brought me lots of netty monstrosities 'just to wow' me Hmm they did not wow me. I looked like the toilet roll lady my Nan used to have in her loo.

I normally wear a size 10. Some of the dresses in a 14 wouldn't do up Blush why do they cut them so tiny?! I have a little bit of Christmas pork to lose but still...

I found the dress I loved. The price tag was £1800 Shock I'm wondering whether to just put a down payment on it, which seems like a good ideajust so I never have to repeat this process ever again Grin I am horrified at that amount of money, but it was truly the only one I thought 'that looks amazing even though my hair is stuck to my face, I'm not wearing the right underwear and I've just bloody well had enough'

It looks like it's a lovely magical experience on TV!

When my friend got married last year, she went to a place where you ring a little bell in your changing room, to signify you had found 'the one' (dress, not fiancé, I presume Confused) and all the other brides to be would come and ooh and ahh at you.

I unfortunately burst out in scoffing laughing when she told me that, and she didn't speak to me for the rest of the day. So while that was not the experience I was aiming for, I was hoping for...oh, I don't know a bit of enchantment! fizz would have helped

Was I expecting too much?Grin

OP posts:
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IllBeAtTheBarIfYouNeedMe · 30/01/2018 12:51

I’ve refused. Point blank. Brought my dress off ASOS last week for £32. I adore it.

Just have to put up with ‘why don’t you just try on a white dress’ from all the female members of my family for the next 9 months Grin

halfwitpicker · 30/01/2018 12:53

A veil? Isn't that just a chopped up net curtain?

halfwitpicker · 30/01/2018 12:54

That's nice, bedtime tea

wonkylegs · 30/01/2018 12:54

I went to a feel miserable shops, a few meh shops , one that was so up itself I hated it, and 2 absolutely lovely ones - who were helpful without being overbearing, honest and made it a special experience without it being naff. I found and bought a dress from one of the last 2. I wouldn't have even tried on the dress I bought without the shops suggestion it was nothing like I thought I wanted but she was right it was nothing like it was on the hanger and suited me so well once on.
So there are nice shops out there but there are also ones that trade on 'it's so special' without making an effort or thinking they can dictate the process - which just spoils it.

seafoodeatit · 30/01/2018 12:55

Oxfam have bridal boutiques, they have a mix of new and vintage dresses. Much much cheaper then a bridal store, I'd really recommend having a look.

halfwitpicker · 30/01/2018 12:55
Cath2907 · 30/01/2018 12:59

My mum was in hospital being treated for leukaemia so I took my Dad. He was fab but to be honest it was mostly a very sad experience for us both that mum couldn't be there too (would have taken both of them had she been well).

Pfftkids · 30/01/2018 13:04

I got my dress from eBay made in China. It was £80 so took the risk and it paid off. It was just as lovely as all the dresses I had seen in the shops.

Wedding dress shopping for me.....sweated my arse off trying to squeeze into a few big poofy dresses. It wasn't fun like you see in the films

Polyethyl · 30/01/2018 13:09

I hated it too. I told the shops when I made the appointment that I needed a dress without a train as I was having a muddy rural wedding. When I turned up every dress had a train. They kept saying that I could loop up the train or cut it off. They refused to listen to me. I refused to try on their suggestions. Total waste of everyone's time.
I got a seamstress who made the dress of my dreams for a fraction of the cost.

RedPanda2 · 30/01/2018 13:10

I feel for you and frankly can't think of anything worse. Being in a shop full of vile flammable satin and taffeta
My sister got hers from Self Portrait and bridesmaids dresses from ASOS. The 'bridal shop' is such an old fashioned concept!

Want2bSupermum · 30/01/2018 13:16

Group USA in Elizabeth NJ, very close to Newark airport, has lovely wedding dresses for a max of $500 including alterations. For £1800 you could fly here, buy your dress and have a weekend of fun.

ReanimatedSGB · 30/01/2018 13:26

Fascinating thread. I have never married and never will so it's kind of anthropological reading this. I do remember SIL bought her wedding dress from Debenhams, in the sale (this was 7 years ago) and it was actually knocked down to £25.00, but her DSIS is a professional tailor, and took it away and did... things to it so it looked even nicer.

SloanePeterson · 30/01/2018 13:34

My dress was from the Cambridge Oxfam shop a few years ago. It used to be in a tiny cupboard out back but it's now a wall full of lovely dresses upstairs. I only went as a bit of a laugh a few days after we got engaged, and wasn't expecting to find my dress at all, I expected it to be 70s monstrosities. It cost me £200 and was a last season sample from Pronovias. Definitely worth a look, and I'm so glad I was saved the trauma of the bridal shops, especially as we were married after 6 months. It also means I feel no guilt at all that I've not sold it to recoup the cost, dd is insistent that she'll wear it for her own wedding Grin

AHungryMum · 30/01/2018 13:51

I think the boutique you went to sounds like they offered quite a poor service tbh. I was quite lucky in that all of the boutiques I went to were nice, and not pushy, they asked me what styles/shapes I liked (basically, sheath/fishtail type styles) and then told me which section of the shop those dresses were in and let me rummage myself rather than trying to foist a £2k diamanté encrusted giant toilet roll cover onto me!

My alternations were £250 if it helps. What you need to spend on alterations will depend on style of dress. Lacy ones for eg will cost more to alter as they will need to reposition the lace so it all lines up properly etc.

If you're not happy with the £1800 price, don't buy it. You can get lovely wedding dresses for far far less than that...and that's even before you look at sample sales etc. Still kicking myself that I paid full price for mine only to then see the exact same dress in the exact same size in an end of season sale for £600 less than I paid! Shock

If it helps, this was my approach, which helped me tailor my approach and avoid falling in love with something way over budget:-

Get bridal magazine. Flick through, saw which designers in there had stuff I liked. Looked at their websites, saw which other styles I liked.
Looked online for nearest local suppliers, emailed them to ask if they had specific dresses I liked in stock and if so what the prices were.

From this process, I was able to rule out certain designers immediately as being too expensive, and worked out that the sort of mid range designers whose stuff I loved but charged a price I was happy to pay - people like Maggie Sottero and Justin Alexander and Essence of Australia. It helped that I didn't want anything intricately beaded (that said, I do love ludicrously expensive beaded Jenny Packham numbers, I just don't think they'd suit me!) and knew that I'd be able to get a stunning dress for £1-1,400 ish from one of them. Which I did.

Hope this helps!

Dungeondragon15 · 30/01/2018 13:54

Nope. Not correct. Because having an appointment system doesn't actually put off most of those who are serious about getting a dress. It does, however, put off timewasters, fantasists and gangs of half cut women who decide to go and try on dresses for a laugh.

Wrong. It would put me off and I bet it puts others off. When I was buying a wedding dress I expected to just visit a few shops and try dresses as I would for any other dress. I didn't actually see it as much different as it is essentially just a dress for a special occasion. If a shop said that I couldn't try on dresses despite being empty because I hadn't made an appointment, I would just try elsewhere.
If they have any sense they should aim to put "gangs of half cut women" off without turning away those who are serious but just don't want to make a song and dance out of choosing a dress. They can't afford not to if it really is a competative environment as ultimately it is a buyers market.

WheresTheHooferDoofer · 30/01/2018 13:55

Honeypie Boutique make made to measure dresses in the 1950s styles, if you like this kind of style. I've had a couple of non-wedding dresses from there and felt the dresses were great.

If I ever do get married (unlikely) I'll be getting my dress from there.

AHungryMum · 30/01/2018 13:58

Ps that Ronald Joyce dress is gorgeous btw! Smile

PoorYorick · 30/01/2018 14:00

Appointments will put off some people, I expect, but it didn't put me off at all. A lot of women see it as a particularly unique purchase, more than just an everyday evening gown. I certainly did. If that's how they view it, and if they're planning on spending north of a grand on it (prices indicate that many people do), then having to ring up and make an appointment isn't going to stop them.

I'd have been put off if I'd just rocked up and been told I'd have to wait for hours, or for an indefinite length of time. And if I'd not been able to have a good one-to-one customer experience. I appreciate lots of women buy their dresses from Monsoon or ASOS, but for various reasons (actually, two J cup reasons), I didn't...so having decided I was getting a traditional dress, I definitely wanted to get the best possible service and results.

Gangs of drunk women taking the piss would have had me out the door.

Dungeondragon15 · 30/01/2018 14:05

Appointments will put off some people, I expect, but it didn't put me off at all.

Obviously it won't put everyone off but if it puts some people off they will lose business unnecessarily. I wouldn't have waited either. I would have just gone to another shop and returned when less busy.

Luxembourgmama · 30/01/2018 14:07

Your experience sounds pretty realistic. I bought mine in a shop where they didn't give me y filthy look when i said i want no sparkly shite on the dress. They showed me the very small selection of non sparkly shite dresses and i bought one.

PoorYorick · 30/01/2018 14:12

Obviously it won't put everyone off but if it puts some people off they will lose business unnecessarily.

They will have to weigh up the business they will lose against the business they will gain. No model is going to suit absolutely everybody.

As long as they're using appointment systems - and every traditional wedding shop I went to did - then one has to assume they're gaining more than they're losing by doing it. If they don't use appointments, peak time customers will get less service and some people will be hanging around for hours.

When I had several shops to visit in a day, I found appointments made it much easier to plan the day and make sure I had enough time and service in each one. It would have driven me nuts trying to work out how to get around town and see all the busy ones in non-peak times. Would probably have taken me longer.

Having said all that, I found the dress I ended up getting after wandering into a shop on a whim (I hadn't known it was there) just to check it out. They happened to be free when I went in so they served me, and I found my dress! So you never know.

I didn't know that Debenhams had axed its service after stock got ruined and serious customers driven off, but I'm honestly not surprised to hear it.

I think that for most women, a wedding dress is a major and expensive purchase, and not just a white evening dress (even if we feel on some level that it should be). Given how important it is to them, and the amount they're likely to be paying for it (yes, I know this isn't everyone), then ringing up to make an appointment seems very minor in the grand scale of wedding planning.

allegretto · 30/01/2018 14:13

Ha, ha! Love it OP. I didn't have a magical experience either. First of all I went shopping with a plaster cast on my arm and wasn't taken seriously. Then I waited to have it taken off, got panicked that I had left it too later and due to a series of misadventures ended up having a couple of hours on a Saturday morning to buy it in! Magical it was not.

Drknittingfrog · 30/01/2018 14:14

I got mine from Milanoo.com for a whole 70 dollars made to measure and everything...I am just not the type to spend 1000 quid on a dress I will wear once but each to their own! If you do order online be a little generous with the hip measurements. My dress came completely true to size as to what I had given and I could have done with a bit of ease round the tummy/hips...

Dungeondragon15 · 30/01/2018 14:24

As long as they're using appointment systems - and every traditional wedding shop I went to did - then one has to assume they're gaining more than they're losing by doing it.

One has to assume that they think they are gaining more than losing but that doesn't mean that they are right. Business sometimes get things wrong and many go out of business as a result.

If they don't use appointments, peak time customers will get less service and some people will be hanging around for hours.

That's only an argument for appointments during peak times. I visited shops on a week day- they weren't busy. Anyway, you don't have to hang around you can just visit another shop and go back later.

When I had several shops to visit in a day, I found appointments made it much easier to plan the day and make sure I had enough time and service in each one. It would have driven me nuts trying to work out how to get around town and see all the busy ones in non-peak times. Would probably have taken me longer.

That's just you though. It would have driven me nuts to be constrained by appointment slots. I wanted to spend a lot of time in some shop because I liked the dresses whereas in others, I spent only a few minutes looking through the dresses. Not having appointments have me freedom and I chose a dress in an afternoon.

crackerjacket · 30/01/2018 14:27

It would have driven me nuts to be constrained by appointment slots.

^^
This with tinkly bells on.

Now I'm reminded why I eloped!